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Here is a link to pictures of some really hot women in the Israeli Defense Forces. Why they don't call themselves army or navy
or air force, I don't know, but with hot women like these doing their PR for free, I don't guess anyone is complaining. I
really like the second one over, fifth down.
She's really amazingly beautiful, but I saw her picture posted on another blog this week and I'm starting to think there's
something wrong with me. Because my thoughts immediately went like this:
- Wow, she's really beautiful.
- Yeah but she's military and travels all over the place and has guys hitting on her all the time and how do I compete
with that?
- And she's Jewish and if we ever got married or something we'd have to raise our kids Jewish, and it's not that I have
anything against being Jewish it's just that I don't know anything about it and would probably be a very bad Jew, because
the Methodists say I'm really bad at being a Methodist and I'm even worse at being a Buddhist, so that would be one more thing
to fight about.
- And once we started fighting about it, then she would use all the Jewish Kung Fu that she learned in the Israeli Defense
Force to kick my ass, and we'd make so much noise that the neighbors would call the cops and either she'd kill me or get put
in jail for fighting with the cops, and it would all be such a big mess, and who needs it?
- So screw that!
Again, I even manage to ruin my imaginary fantasy relationships, in much the same way that I ruined my imaginary relationship with Natalie Portman while I was in therapy (for those of you who are not inclined to read the whole thing, that relationship ended with George
Lucas passed out in his underwear on our couch snoring real loud, and the cops showed up and we wound up in the tabloids and
I could never watch her movies again, which I didn't mind for the Star Wars movies so much or everything but the
nude scenes in Closer).
I don't know why, but I can't even have fantasies like I used to. I can't just picture myself in bed with a woman without
also wondering, if I'm in bed with her, who's watching my kids and what time do I need to be home? Or who is she and how did
she get there and what is it she likes about me, and what do I like about her?
Like, I can't imagine wanting two women. First of all, it would require that I meet two women who were into each
other and me, and that I meet them both at the same time. Second, even if I could imagine it, my fantasies would
usually end with someone saying "Are you done yet?"
Or say, Paris Hilton is really hot and really rich, but she's so skanky and even if she gave up all her party-girl
ways to settle down with me, I would have to put up with all her skanky friends and the reporters who follow her everywhere.
All the really hot women on TV are way too young for me, plus they're on TV, so they obviously have lives of their own
and if they don't have sense enough to know to avoid a divorced 40-year old single dad who lives with his parents, then they
at least have personal assistants and press agents to tell them such things.
Is it the eternal cancer of pessimism eating away at me, borne in some hidden childhood trauma and fueled by the failure
of my marriage? A quirky obsession stemming from some need for approval and acceptance? A chemical imbalance?
Nah!
I do think, though, that normal people can have normal fantasies that take place in some ephemeral dream-like netherworld
where time doesn't exist and they don't worry about what it all means or what comes after. But I can't. I worry about all
that stuff and it doesn't even matter that it's a fantasy and I can make it like anything I want. That somehow just doesn't
even figure in.
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