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I've probably said it here before, but I wonder why people don't raise moose on farms and milk them and eat them and
use their skin to make clothes and shoes and belts out of. Why, in other words, moose aren't domesticated like cows are?
I thought I might get rich off this idea, of raising moose on farms, and milking them, and using their skin for coats
and belts and hats. But my friend Gary tells me that mooses are not docile like cows, that they're really aggressive and if
they get the chance, mooses will kill you. I don't know that I've ever heard of a moose killing someone, but then again, I
don't live in Canada or Wisconsin or any of those places where moose hang out.
Apparently, I know very little about mooses. I'm not even sure if "mooses" is a word, or if the plural of moose is just
"moose", like, "Hey, look at all those moose!" I am fairly sure that it's not like the plural for goose, which would be "meese".
I like to say "mooses". In fact, since I've been thinking about it, the word moose itself is almost as funny as the word "monkey"
or "cheese". And the word mooses is way funnier than that even.
I found a website call Mooseworld.com that's all about moose. They have moose links, moose world for kids, and a guide to tourism in moose country. They don't
say whether they mean just places where moose hang out, or if there really is such a place as moose country where mooses serve
on the town council and enforce the laws and drive cars. Like Planet of the Apes, except with Mooses. That would be kind of
awesome but I doubt it's real. It's kind of weird that someone is devoting so much time and energy to the subject of mooses;
it's even kind of weird that I'm writing this page right now. But whatever.
Anyway, my idea was to have a moose farm and raise mooses like cows. It seems like such an incredibly awesome idea, and
so easy. All I'd have to do is buy a farm that raises cows and put mooses on it. And what makes it even better is that no
one else is doing it! I would have a monopoly! I would corner the moose market! It's such an amazingly awesome idea that,
after about thirty seconds of considering it, I wondered why no one else ever did it. And so I asked my friend Gary,
who shot the idea all to hell.
Gary is the smartest guy I know. Or, really, it's probably a tie between Gary and David. I met David when I was in seventh
grade, when a bunch of us went to Six Flags one afternoon and got kicked out because Blake tried to get the rare Japanese
chickens at the petting zoo into a cockfight at the same exact time that Andy and me were throwing salt water taffy out at
the tea cup ride. David was so smart that he pretty much stopped hanging out with us not too long after that, though I asked
him once and he said that what really did it was the time when we were putting shotgun shells into a lead pipe and hitting
the end with a hammer. David went to Purdue University and one time he took an exacto knife to his window decal so that it
spelled out UNDUE PURVERSITY which I thought was really funny, anyway he was smart enough to stop hanging around with Andy
and Blake and me in the seventh grade, long before all the trouble really started. I wouldn't even know him at all now, except
that his sister married Alex's older brother and so I see him whenever I go to one of their family things. Anyway, I wonder
what David would say about my moose idea.
In my online research of mooses, I didn't find any other moose farms though I did start to wonder if maybe someone had
made a moose-cow hybrid. The entire idea of hybrids fascinates me, as long-time readers of this site know from way back in '01 when I wrote about it, or even j ust last month when I wrote about ligers. I didn't find any evidence of the Moose-Cow, though I did find several references to a Moose-Horse.
Apparently, some farmer in French-speaking Canada thinks that a moose mounted one of his mares and gave birth to this Moose-Horse
(see picture) named Bambi.
It looks like a Moose-Horse. And it doesn't surprise me that a French-speaking moose would mount anything that moves
and several things that don't. But I didn't think that moose could mate with horses, and everything I read about Bambi the
Moose-Horse said that no one knew for sure what he or she was. Anyway it was interesting enough for me to make note of here.
SO my moose farm idea is shot to hell. My next idea is breast implants that give chocolate milk. I'll let you know how
that one works out.
(Update February 18, 2007)
I found this picture of an albino moose on the internet
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