Highlands Ranch High School
- Mr. Sedivy -
Highlands Ranch, Colorado

Michelangelo's Mother:
"Can't you paint on walls like other children? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that stuff off the ceiling?"

Mona Lisa's Mother:
"After all that money your father and I spent on braces, that's the biggest smile you can give us?"

Columbus' Mother:
"I don't care what you've discovered, you still could have written!"

Napoleon's Mother:
"All right, if you aren't hiding your report card inside your jacket, take your hand out of there and show me."

Paul Revere's Mother: "I don't care where you think you have to go, young man, midnight is past your curfew."

George Washington's Mother:
"The next time I catch you throwing money across the Potomac, you can kiss your allowance good-bye!"

Abraham Lincoln's Mother:
"Again with the stovepipe hat? Can't you just wear a baseball cap like the other kids?"

Thomas Edison's Mother:
"Of course I'm proud that you invented the electric light bulb. Now turn it off and get to bed!"

Albert Einstein's Mother:
"But it's your senior picture. Can't you do something about your hair? Styling gel, mousse, something...?"

Mary's Mother:
"I'm not upset that your lamb followed you to school, but I would like to know how he got a better grade than you."

Jonah's Mother:
"That's a nice story. Now tell me where you've really been for the last forty years."

Just Do It!

A class professor was giving a lecture on company slogans and was asking his students if they were familiar with them. "Justin," he asked, "which company has the slogan, 'come fly the friendly skies'?" Justin answered the correct airline.

"Sandra, can you tell me which company has the slogan, "Don't leave home without it?" Sandra answered the correct credit card company with no difficulty.

"Now Allison, Tell me which company bears the slogan, 'Just do it'?" And Allison answered, "Mom..."

Sage Medieval Astrologer

A medieval astrologer prophesied to a king that his favorite mistress would soon die. Sure enough, the woman died a short time later.

The king was outraged at the astrologer, certain that his prophecy had brought about the woman's death. He summoned the astrologer and commanded him: "Tell me when you will die!"

The astrologer realized that the king was planning to kill him immediately, no matter what answer he gave. "I do not know when I will die," he answered finally. "I only know that whenever I do die, you will die two days later."