The Deep Secrets of Night

Men, as survivors of rape and sexual abuse, face special problems. There are a lot of myths regarding the abuse of men -- men can't be raped, if a man experiences sexual excitement during abuse then that means he wanted it, every man who is raped or abused is homosexual.
Those sweeping generalizations are responsible for a lot of pain. Men are no more at fault when they are assaulted or abused than are women. Rape is, by definition, a forcible act of intercourse. No one asks to be raped, whether they are male or female. Often, rapists try to make their male victims ejaculate -- this gives them a feeling of complete control. The human body was made to respond to certain stimuli, whether wanted or unwanted. A man who experiences orgasm while being raped is no more at fault than one who doesn't.

Complicating the male survivor's healing is the fact that it is very difficult for a man to admit to being raped or abused. Society's views of male rape do not encourage honesty from the victim; most people prefer to believe that it doesn't happen at all outside of prisons. The fact is that men and boys are almost as likely to be assaulted as women and girls are.
Online help is also harder for men to find -- many online support groups are composed of women who aren't interested in sharing any of their trauma or healing with men.
Gender issues make things even more difficult for male survivors of rape and abuse. Men who are raped often feel that their masculinity is somehow diminished by the attack. Society has cast the male in the role of aggressor and protector -- being made into a victim is especially traumatic for this reason. Men are supposed to be strong, they are supposed to be able to take care of themselves. The fact is that anyone can be a victim. Men are much more likely to be gangraped than women are -- fighting back in that situation could lead to serious injury or even death; yet men are taught from childhood that fighting back against those who try to hurt them is the only acceptable reaction.
Compounding the problems men face after rape or abuse is the fact that society does not encourage men to seek help or support when it is needed. Many rape crisis centers are ill prepared to deal with the male victim of rape. The silence regarding this aspect of rape needs to be broken -- only when it becomes acceptable to talk about male rape will there be available resources for men who seek help in healing.