Army of the Mediocre

Last week, Jim went straight into the tank and ended up moving on. Bad is good is our lesson, then? Perhaps. The greater lesson may be that it's foolish to recap the episode with the idea of hinting at the winners. But we'll bravely forage on, like scientists studying the Antarctic shelf. Except we're in short sleeves and we won't die if we miscalculate. Onward, ho! 
Starting the party right tonight is Alexis Lopez, blasting out a rendition of "I Will Survive". Doesn't seem like the right song to prove your pop chops. I'm half expecting her to be followed by a 45-year old man singing "Ob La Di, Ob La Dah", followed by three drunk college chicks performing a seemingly neverending hack job on "Love Shack". Alexis is only 17, and she's not afraid to show it off, so there's some points for her right there.
Angela Peel. Angela has a pretty decent look going. Tattoos, nose ring. These things have obviously crossed over into the coffee house mainstream. Her singing was okay and her lips were very shiny. These are a few of my favorite things.
Now we have Gil. Gil is nice. Seems like a good guy. Pretty good voice. However, Simon is spot on when he says he doesn't look like an AMERICAN IDOL. A collective tinge of guilt sweeps the audience. How could we be so shallow? Gil is great! Ten minutes later, we've all forgotten this and are discounting Gil. He'll be a nice something, someday.

Fans and foes alike have dubbed them "Miami Spice". I've tabbed them as "Enough of you two, already!" Tenia comes out and gets her song over in a hurry so she doesn't have to keep her prom date waiting much longer. None of the judges like her, but she takes exception to Simon, saying, "Let's hear you sing a note". Apparently she missed the memo that Simon is judging the competition, not in the competition. I think we've heard the last from Tenia.
Alexandra comes out, once again revealing her belly. Her singing borders on awful and she nearly quits halfway through. Aware that she's in the tank, she doesn't even fight the judges' critiques. She knows it's over. Before departing she tells the trio, "I may not be right for you, but I might be right for somebody else in the future." I really wanted Simon to reply, "I sure hope not."
Here comes Kelly. Whenever I look at Kelly, I think she should be behind a bar in Austin, slinging dollar Coronas and buffalo wings to college kids, all the while moaning about her live-in boyfriend of eight years who won't propose to her. Then she busts out some good karaoke on Tuesday night, aka $2 margarita night. But, she rips off a terrific rendition of "Respect" and has made a huge step toward moving on. She definitely separated herself from the crowd there.
Young girls love A.J. Gil. Why? We just don't know. At first maybe I thought A.J. missed a few spots when shaving, but then I realized he wanted it that way. His singing is flat and dull and he has all the life of a mannequin. Simon says he was very boring and he thinks that A.J. has blown it. History tells us that bad performance + panning from Simon = moving on. We'll see. On a side note, I wanted to make fun of A.J.'s sweater all night. Then I realized I had one just like it. So I starting asking people, "Isn't A.J.'s sweater really cool?"
For the '80s vibe of the night, Jamar belts out "Careless Whispers". And I mean belts out. Man, that was loud. Jamar reminded the nation of their first birthday party at the ice rink. And that's bound to garner him a few votes.
Every time I've seen Jazmin, she looks completely different. It's uncanny. She gives a fairly rousing performance, but fails to get any marks from the judges. Jazmin has never really stood out amongst her peers, and this was probably her farewell song.
And last we have Justin. What can be said that hasn't been already? Twice. He's good looking, has hair everybody would like to have and can sing. He's not egotistical and he knows he's silly sometimes when performing. He's absolutely Teflon when it comes to criticism. Dang it!
So another ten songs have come and gone. Justin has a reservation in the finals, but the other two seats are, once again up for grabs. We'll find out more Wednesday.

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Six Pack

Three more chairs are going to be filled tonight! That will up our total to six finalists! More exciting, basic math to come below! 
Introduction of our judges. They still haven't changed, although tonight Simon is wearing a tight white shirt instead of a tight black shirt. Good to mix things up once in a while.
I have to admit that it seems like there's not as much drama in the air tonight. Justin is just about a mortal lock to move on, but none of the other nine kids really stood out on Tuesday. You could also select the other two winners by having them identify how many gumballs are in a jar. The two closest guesses move on to the finals. 
Alexandra has a look of firm resignation on her face. Mentally, she's packed her bags and there's a pretty strong chance she's physically packed her bags as well. Naturally, Tenia is right next to her. I hope a videocamera is rolling the day these two get in a fight and decide not to be friends. Expect a lot of hair pulling and scratching that day.
Alexis seems pretty jittery tonight. She also seems awfully proud of her chest. If she was showing it off anymore, it would have neon lights. I'm not complaining, just observing.
Jamar looks like a husband waiting for his wife to finish up an eternal conversation so he can leave. I wouldn't be surprised if got up and said he was "going to go warm up the car" in the middle of the show.
So let's get to it. First chair…Justin. He should've just been sitting there when the show started. Here's a tangent, by the way. Is Seacrest ever going to shave again? I mean, he is on national TV. We can't find this guy a disposable? And this is Dunk's third hairstyle in as many shows. They're good guys, though, so it's no big deal.
So here's where it gets interesting. The second chair could go to anybody right now outside of Alexandra. The way she's been tortured on the message boards the past two weeks, I couldn't see her winning Student Council Treasurer at this point. The judges seem to think it'll be Angela, and it is…Kelly!
Wow. Mild shocker that makes sense. As stated in this space before, she looks more like a suds slingers in a sports bar than a pop princess. But she handled "Respect" without any problems and looked good doing so. Kelly seems genuinely surprised and happy to be in the second chair. Good for her. I like nice people.

And now, the third chair. But first! A regularly recurring character! Tamika! Tamika's comments are a bit more forced this week. She makes fun of Tenia's prom dress and gets squishy over Justin. Man, does anybody not like this guy? He should start his own religion. Or line of clothing. Something. 
As a retort, Tenia tells Tamika to get some relaxer because her hair is out of control. I suppose a girl with naturally long, flowing hair with blonde highlights like Tenia can throw stones. I'd really hate to see Alexandra and Tenia with a couple of daiquiris in them. It's gotta be a bad scene.
The tension is palpable as Ryan and Brian ask the judges for their predictions on the third finalist from this group. Then Ryan tells Randy to hurry the dang up, we're running out of show here. Randy and Paula pick Alexis, Simon hems and haws, then goes with the flow and picks Alexis too.
The final card is held aloft. Alexis gets nervous and buries her face in her lap. I get a dirty thought out of that. Another contestant hugs Alexis to help her. Jamar heads out to warm up the car. And…
A.J. moves on! Two weeks in a row a guy awkwardly warbles through a song, gets excoriated by Simon and moves onto the finals. This may a good strategy. Don't be surprised if next week all ten kids intentionally blow their songs so they can get bashed by Simon and voted on to the next round.
So there you have it. Hopefully sometime this week Seacrest and A.J. will go halfsies on a razor and clean up a bit. Six finalists down, four to go. And I have absolutely no idea what the hell is going on anymore.

Source:  http://www.idolonfox.msn.com