Meanwhile, the hike had broken the picket line formed by naam ladoos and pranthas inside my stomach and I was ready for more (I read somewhere that it takes our brain 20 minutes to find out if our stomach is full; only then it sends a "stop eating" message; so I usually eat really fast in the first 20 minutes before the message gets through).  I saw some naam ladoos laying around at the bottom of the picnic basket purposelessly, thinking their life had been a waste.  I eased their pain rapidly.

Aunty jee, my sister, the DVD kid, me and Yoda Singh piled up in the car to drive back home.  Yoda Singh started driving and Aunty jee asked me (before I could doze off to LadooLand) to read the next pauree from Jap Jee Sahib while she explained.

jay jug chaaray aarjaa hor dasoonee ho-ay || navaa khanda vich jaanee-ai naal chalai sabh ko-ay || changa naa-o rakhaa-ay kai jas keerat jag lay-ay ||
Even if we live for a very long time and everyone (I mean everyone - groupies, fans, paparazzi and other crazies) follows us around and our reputation is impeccable.
jay tis nadar na aavee ta vaat na puchhai kay || keetaa andar keet kar dosee dos Dharay || 
But if we are not pleasing to the True One, then nobody is going ask about us (when we eventually hit the bucket - well, some JamDhoots might be interested in our whereabouts, but that's another story).  Among worms, we would be considered as lowly worms, and even low-life sinners (think Orcs) would hold us in contempt! (believe me, folks, it don't get any lower than this; well... we could end up as slimy, yet tasty, frogs in France).
    naanak nirgun gun karay gunvanti-aa gun day || tayhaa ko-ay na sujh-ee je tis gun ko-ay karay ||
But, (the WAHfilled personification of Chardi Kala) Nanak says, the True One bestows virtue to the unworthy and bestows (even more) virtue on the virtuous.  But who is going to get blessed by the True One is a mystery (so its a bad bet to think of anyone as lower than you (even if you are, oh, sooo holy outwardly) because the True One can turn the tables quite quickly).

Aunty jee opened her mouth to explain this pauree a little more, when Yoda Singh suddenly hit the brakes.  A long black stretch limousine and several black trucks blocked the road.  The driver dressed in all black and decorated with gold from head to toe stretched one incredibly long leg out of the limo, followed by his incredibly long body. He stood up stretching his neck to look down at us. He had about 12 heavy chains around his long neck and wore 2 gold rings on each of long finger. He sported gold tinted sunglasses, gold plated shoes, and a golden belt. Gold teeth glinted from his goonie grimace of a grin.  I swear he even was sweating gold.  The DVD kid's voice shook when he whispered, “That's the Golden Goon!" (no kidding? I wouldn’t have guessed)

The Golden Goon opened the door of the limo and out stepped out a short man holding a frog and a toad in one hand; and stroking them with his other hand.  The DVD kid's voice dropped even lower, “That's the Godfather!"  All the trucks doors opened and out stepped several Goons wearing black.

Before anybody could break into a break dance routine and sing, ‘Lets Beat It!’ our car was surrounded by shiny, slimy, unwashed but smartly dressed Goons.

Yoda Singh and Aunty jee got out.  Aunty jee ordered the rest of us to stay put.  My holier-than-thou-by-how-brave-(read-foolish)-she-is sister got out and directed both of us boys to stay put.  I got out and instructed the DVD kid, “You stay put!".

Yoda Singh went and asked the Godfather what the deal was.  The Godfather spoke softly, “You have offended my family honor.  Look what you did to my beautiful daughter!"  Pointing to the frog, he started crying - all the Goons started crying.  He suddenly stopped (the Goons suddenly stopped).  The Golden Goon offered him a golden hanky; the Godfather took it and blew his nose noisily, the other Goons did the same.

But one of the Goons was still sobbing, “So sad, so sad …. ARRRRGH!!!" (WHOOOOSSS... one of the Golden Goon's gold chains had gone flying through the air and wrapped itself around this goon's neck).  The Goon fell down choking and whispered, “Its society's fault that I am a go..o....n." Before anybody could say ‘Goon Gone’ he was in GoonKhand.

The Godfather turned to Yoda Singh Singh, “This is the kind of people you are dealing with here, BEWARE!!!"

Yoda Singh spoke, “You beware, you are dealing with Guru Gobind Singh jee's kind of people.  And this", he emphasized pointing to the Khanda of Naam.

GodFather laughed <evil laughter> “Do you know who I am?  I am known throughout the world.  Everyone, I mean everyone - groupies, fans, paparazzi and other crazies follow me around!"

(If you are an alert reader, a chill should go up your spine; if you are not (or if you don't know if you are; or if you don't have a spine), then scroll up and read the pauree again).

The Godfather laughed again <evil laughter again> (all the Goons laughed <slightly less evil laughter>).  He suddenly stopped, all the Goons stopped suddenly, except one who continued with his fatal babble, “HA HA  So funny, so funny …. ARRRRGH!!!" (WHOOOOSSS... one of the Golden Goon's gold chains had gone flying through the air and wrapped itself around this goon's neck).  The Goon fell choking and whispered, “My mama told me gold will kill me - I thought she meant it metaphorically, you know, like what Nietzsche said about God...  Fellow Goon, don't look at me like that!  Yes, it’s true; I have a degree in philosophy.  OK, world, I am a closet philosopher!  But a philosophy degree means nothing when you have a gold chain strangling you.  So I say to all you readers who are into philosophy - it’s good that you are into higher, finer mind thoughts, but make sure you learn how to dodge gold chains too.  Anyway, I see a couple of rather impatient JamDhoots; I can't really keep 'em waiting for too long.  Oh, goodie, I see my sweet Mama too; Mama, here comes your little cuddly Goony...," saying that he bit the DharamKhand dust and licked the GoonKhand dust.

At this rate, Golden Goon soon would be goldless and DharmKhand would be GoonLess.  I decided I need to do something - we can't have Goons disappearing at this rate (Bollywood would go bankrupt).  So I decided to step forward and explain.  I prepared this little speech in my mind,

"Your holiness, I think I better explain before you start beating us, right? Your beautiful daughter was last seen by me in her full splendor.  But then an unfortunate accident happened.  Now there's no excuse of any kind for such a beautiful human being to meet such a fate!  Dear Godfather! It is my honor to talk to you in this manner.  Your daughter slipped on her foot! You have to understand things as they are - it was nothing but a wand backfiring that turned her into a frog.  I am sure you are still a proud father of such a faithful child! Your honor, I think there has been a grave misunderstanding. I am sure a happier time awaits you!"

But when I stepped forward, I was shaking so much that I only managed to whisper some of the speech and shout the rest:

“Your holiness, I think I better explain before you start beating us, right? Your beautiful daughter was last seen by me in her full splendor.  But then an unfortunate accident happened.  Now there's no excuse of any kind for such a beautiful human being to meet such a fate!  Dear Godfather! It is my honor to talk to you in this manner.  Your daughter slipped on her foot! You have to understand things as they are - it was nothing but a wand backfiring that turned her into a frog.  I am sure you are still a proud father of such a faithful child! Your honor, I think there has been a grave misunderstanding. I am sure a happier time awaits you!"

Which translates to this in Goon language:  “You better beat it, you unfortunate excuse of a human being!  Godfather! My foot! You are nothing but a FrogFather!  Your grave awaits you!"

There was a chilling silence; all the Goons looked sharply at me.  The frog and toad started ribbiting like crazy.

KNOCK KNOCK
who’s there?
Nobody, that's just the sound of my knees.

START OF PG13 SECTION (if you are under 13 years of age, make sure your parents are at least 13 feet away when you read this).

Before anybody could do anything, I smashed my ruggedly handsome face into Golden Goon's gold-studded fist, not just once but twice (or maybe even thrice).  I then proceeded to hit my groin on his golden knee (I warned you this was PG13 stuff).  You don't really know me if you think I let go at that … no..no…no.. to show that I meant business, I banged the back of my head along with the rest of my fine muscular body on Golden Goon's golden car…hard.     

The birds are very chirpy this time of the year… (twitter twitter *tweet tweet* twitter twitter *tweet*)

Since I was busy bird-watching, the DVD kid later told me the details of what happened (this is his personal eyewitness account):

“Dish … dish… ouch!  Ouch! OUCH!  Dhi-shum!  Dhi-shum!... 

Yodha Singh's Khanda of Naam + Golden Goon's golden ugly face = Golden Goon's golden's REALLY Ugly face

Dish … dish… ouch!  Ouch! OUCH!  Dhi-shum!  Dhi-shum!... 

Aunty Jee's "Bole So Nihaal" + Some nasty Goons = One uaaag-ly nasty Goon heap

Dish … dish… ouch!  Ouch! OUCH!  Dhi-shum!  Dhi-shum!... 

My sister's flying kick + the Golden Goon's mouth = Several gold teeth in the air

Dish dish…”

When it ended, all the Goons were lying in nice little golden heap.  Only Yoda Singh, Aunty Jee and my sister were standing.  Well, the Frogfather was standing too, but on his head and in the middle of the goon heap!

Yoda Singh picked up the little heap that resembled me, and put my resemblance into the wet* car (*let's just say the DVD kid had an accident and let it go at that) and we sped off…