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After the Peer <s.c.u.m> and Godfather’s made plans for the naamis’s
destruction, Godfather asked the Peer <s.c.u.m> if he could turn his kids back to humans – “Of courssse!”, said the Peer <s.c.u.m> - in a good mood – for it’s not everyday in which you meet
spirits that are so evil that the devil herself honored them at the last devil-retreat. “You,”
she had said, pointing to the hooded Peer and his grandsons “are the reason that I bother getting out of bed at night.
When I see flowers blooming and children laughing and the sun shining, I get too depressed! I slog along up to my knees in
the doldrums” (this drew a audible gasp from the audiences of retreaters, mostly future S&E-Khanders), “But,” she quickly added, “All
I have to do to get out of my funk is to remember the brilliant, shining red in your eyes and I am ready for another
nights work!” She then raised her glass (filled with the freshest, most delicious mosqlood –
I don’t want to digress from the main story but let me just say a million fresh mosquitoes had been personally (and joyfully) squeezed by St. S&E-Khand just to make this one serving)
and chortled, “You, great Sirs, put the evil in devil!”
a deafening roar rose up from the crowd making
even the happiest happy Khander (a few billion miles away) wonder if happiness is overrated – but not for long, (“Sadness only exists so that we can appreciate happiness” they gurgled all bubbly before continuing with their flaky work). Anyway, the Peer <s.c.u.m> prepared the species-converter powder with his
dark mantras and asked Godfather to place his daughter on the coffee table. He sprinkled the powder onto the frog. A
loud bang followed by a big dark cloud filled the room. Slowly the dark cloud billowed up while Godfather watched in
delight. His beloved daughter appeared - her skinny, awkward body covered with pimples and warts making him feel proud all
over; and … then … Godfather gasped in horror for he realized that his daughter’s head still very closely
resembled a frog! The Ridhi Sidhi Frogirl <psycho music> smacked the tip of her long slimy tongue on her father’s
cheek. Godfather’s turned red with anger and shouted at the Peer <s.c.u.m> - “Kuttey
kaminey! Mein tera khoon peejoonga!” Subtitles by Bollywood Kalakaars: “You meanie dog! I
will drink your blood!” The baffled
Peer <s.c.u.m> still covered by the dark cloud (in his defense, this was the first time he had used his magic to convert
a lower species to a higher species; he usually did it the other way - you know like from a dog to an eel; or from a cat to
an auntie) worriedly wanted to ask "What's wrong?" but instead this came out of his mouth, "If da wun dat u luved has left'd ya, den mah magic will bring dem bac widin 3 days- 100% Guaranteed Results Mofo!" "If ya dont luv da wun dat u stuck wid, den mah magic
will send dem away widin 3 days - 100% Guaranted Modafooooo!" Subtitles by Teen-Speak Artists: If your loved one has left you, my magic will bring
them back within 3 days - 100% Guaranted Results!" Godfather shouted, “The head! My daughter’s
head…!” The voodoo box sprang open!... To find out why the Peer <s.c.u.m> suddenly started talking in teen-speak
(hint: outsourced un-QA-ed software) and what happened to the poor Ridhi-Sidhi FroGirl <r.e.d h.e.a.d> <psycho music> you will have to tune into next week’s episode…. Now we must go up to the astral plane where the Conspiracy theory kid has already
started the story of his disappearance (just so that you are not lost when we catch
up with him, I’ll briefly fill you in with what he said while you were wasting your precious time on frogirls!
- I really get worried about you sometimes; instead of reading this junk, shouldn’t you be doing something else, like naam simran for example… Oh sure! Turn right around and accuse me of the same thing! For
your information, the Creator was experimenting with outsourcing at the time of my creation, abandoning it soon after. (hmmm, I wonder why? Maybe, because they had inadvertently installed
the wrong version of Naam in me, it’s supposed to have been Naam-Tera; but the version I have is Naam-Mera. “What’s the big deal if it’s a T or an M”, the outsourced amigo reportedly asked before
taking his beloved siesta). So the only way out for me is to get others to jap naam - that’s why I’m so hard on you, otherwise I wouldn’t give a Peer’s bAckSSide <s.t.i.l.l r.e.d> … <please be quiet, while we join the story already in progress>… kvxu su vylw vKqu
kvxu kvx iQiq kvxu vwru ] kvix
is ruqI mwhu kvxu ijqu hoAw Awkwru ]vyl n pweIAw pMfqI ij hovY lyKu purwxu ] vKqu n pwieE kwdIAw ij ilKin lyKu kurwxu ] iQiq vwru
nw jogI jwxY ruiq mwhu nw koeI ] jw krqw isrTI kau swjy Awpy jwxY soeI ]ikv kir AwKw ikv swlwhI ikau vrnI ikv jwxw ] nwnk
AwKix sBu ko AwKY iek dU ieku isAwxw ]
vfw swihbu vfI nweI kIqw jw kw hovY ] nwnk jy ko AwpO jwxY AgY
gieAw n sohY ]21] kavan s vaelaa vakhath kavan kavan thhith kavan vaar || kavan s ruthee maahu kavan jith hoaa aakaar || vael n paaeeaa panddathee j hovai laekh puraan || vakhath n paaeiou kaadheeaa j likhan laekh kuraan
|| thhith vaar naa jogee jaanai ruth maahu naa koee || jaa
karathaa sirathee ko saajae aapae jaanai soee || kiv kar
aakhaa kiv saalaahee kio varanee kiv jaanaa || naanak aakhan sabh ko aakhai eik dhoo eik siaanaa || vaddaa saahib vaddee naaee keethaa jaa kaa hovai || naanak jae
ko aapa jaanai agai gaeiaa n sohai || pwqwlw pwqwl lK Awgwsw Awgws ] EVk EVk Bwil Qky vyd khin iek vwq ]
shs ATwrh khin kqybw AsulU ieku Dwqu ]
lyKw hoie q ilKIAY lyKY hoie ivxwsu ] nwnk vfw AwKIAY Awpy jwxY Awpu ]22] paathaalaa paathaal lakh aagaasaa aagaas || ourrak ourrak bhaal thhakae vaedh kehan eik vaath || sehas athaareh kehan
kathaebaa asuloo eik dhhaath || laekhaa hoe th likheeai laekhai hoe vinaas || naanak vaddaa
aakheeai aapae jaanai aap || The Merchant explained to me, "Dhan Guru Nanak discusses time in the 2nd half of pauree
21; while space is discussed in pauree 22. The Guru says only the Creator
knows when creation started and how big
it is. Rather than searching for something that is impossible to know, the Guru’s path is for spiritual searchers,
who after realizing the vastness of the Creator, to go into awe and say WAH! as in WAH!Guru WAH!Guru.
This actually will make the searcher One with the Creator and give them access to all possible knowledge (although once one
becomes One with the ONE, questions about creation will seem trivial). Guru Sahib jee also cautions against those who
say they know the start and end of creation; such ones have big egos (perhaps because they know a little more than others) so
won't fare very well in (this or) the after-life." We both fell silent for a while. The cabin rocked
gently in the sea. The hours spent with the Merchant discussing gurbani, fast become my favorite past time. A devout
Sikh, he loved to recite and explain gurbani to the not-so-spiritual-sailors like me and my crew. Slowly I had developed
a taste for this wonderful source of inspiration and truth. We were about to start the next pauree when unexpectedly
a strong wave slammed into our ship, throwing us off our seats and onto the floor. We stumbled up to the
deck. I had seen never such a sudden storm. Wave after wave washed over our ship, beating and hammering it relentlessly,
making it roll wildly and groan as though it would split at the seams. The frightened voices of my men could be heard above
the howling winds, calling to each other as they struggled to lower the sails. We could see large dark menacing rocks looming
along the jagged coastline like teeth in a cavernous jaw hungrily waiting to break and smash our ship to bits.
Soon, tipping at a crazy angle the ship began
taking in water. Before long I stood up to my knees in water, the end seemed inevitable. The Merchant knelt down. His lower
body submerged he raised his clasped hands he prayed, “Dhan
Guru Nanak, light that shines in every heart, please have compassion and mercy on us. Please deliver us, for without thee
we perish. Please give us the shelter of thy Embrace. Please make it possible for me to return to the Guru a small part of
what was given by the Guru. If it is your will that I live, I vow that as soon as I set foot safely on shore, I will come
and present to thee 500 gold mohars personally. Our safety lies in thy hand, O beloved Architect of destiny, please uplift
us and carry us across this dreadful sea. We are surely lost without thee. Thou are the True captain, thy gurbani the True
life boat." And lo and behold, almost immediately, the fury
of the storm subsided. A great heave cleaved the waters. Our sinking ship righted and set afloat. The men collapsed in relief
(and in awe of the power of prayer). As soon as we made landfall, the Merchant and I set out in search of Guru Sahib. We soon
learnt though that Guru Har Krishan jee had recently left the earthly abode. His final words had been “Guroo
Baba Bakale,” indicating the Guruship would be passed
to one residing in Bakala.
We made haste for Bakala, but upon reaching there
discovered that there were not one, not two, but 22 people claiming to be *the* true guru. We didn’t know how
to fulfill our vow. But the Merchant came up with a plan saying he couldn’t live with the debt of 500 mohars on his
conscience. He decided to give each of the “gurus” 2 mohars to see what would happen. I,
on my part, felt extremely disappointed that I couldn’t see the True Guru right away. I had become thirstier and
thirstier for his sight. I had been reading Jap Jee Sahib quite religiously by that time
(perhaps more religiously than even now). Each time I read it, deeper meanings would surface. I silently did an ardaas in
my mind asking that the True Guru answer my question “When
did the Creator create this World?” with the answer of “Awpy jwxY soeI”. (Yes, it’s true, that was
my sorry plan but that’s the best I could come up with). We started our search. The first “guru”
(actually rugu, for "ru" is light and "gu" is darkness and these adepts led away from light, plunging into darkness) we went
to, boy oh boy , was he ever a flake! We noticed right off how he sat with
his back towards the men and his wide eyes fully towards the women. He would remark, “Oh,
that’s a wonderful suit you are wearing,” to the young pretty women in the
congregation, “It fits your slender supple body perfectly!” We didn’t even bother entering this rugu's dera. On our next attempt we encountered a slightly less depraved rugu, who looked at women with one only eye, while the other gazed at the money donated to him at his feet.
I have to say, we did not make a good start! But it did get a little better as we caught on. One of the tricks we noticed was that when we got close to a dera, the resident rugu would send his agents to meet us and check us out. Seeing the merchant’s royal clothing they would make inquiries attempting to get information. Then they would sneak back and tell the guru whatever they had learned about us. Once we entered the dera, the clever rugu would say things like “So how your trip from the sea?” hoping to impress us with his “divine” knowledge. One time (hehe and this is funny), an agent came
to us as we approached one of the deras and began asking questions. I told him that I was Darth Vader looking for my mask
(I have no idea where I came up with that name – perhaps the future-me sent it to the past-me). We went into the
dera. The merchant put down his 2 mohars and the rugu suddenly "woke" up from his meditative trance and exclaimed “We have someone here by the name of Darth Vedas!” (a sharp whisper
could be heard from the back), “…I mean Darth Vedar. This man is looking for his long, lost masket!”
To be fair, some rugus were pretty serious
and even had some bona-fide spiritual knowledge and an aura about them. But none could answer my answer correctly; each
of them had their pet theories about creation but none of them matched up with what I had read in Jap Ji Sahib. Finally we
ran out of prospects having interviewed each of the 22 rugus. We returned to our rooms at the
The next morning we had breakfast on the terrace
and discussed what we should do. The merchant had decided that he would give away the rest of the gold mohars to the
poor of the city and be done with it. All our humor had abandoned us. In a foul mood we just sat there silently watching
people milling about. Then… we saw a tall man making his way through
the crowd. There was nothing extraordinary about him; but there was nothing ordinary about him either. Yet it seemed
as though a spotlight shone on him. He walked with a carefree gait that reminded me of Merchant's rich friends, yet he was
dressed quite modestly. The merchant asked, “Do you see him?” I nodded and kept watching. He turned the
corner and disappeared from our sight. That shook us out of our stupor and the merchant shouted to the bellboy below,
“Stop that man!” The bellboy, without looking at the merchant’s pointing finger, ran towards the corner
where the man had turned. We ran and caught up with him. He turned to us. His eyes and face were brilliantly
lit up. He might have been a disguised King, or a fantastic blissed-out artist of some sort. “How
can I help you gentlemen?” he asked, his voice brimming with wholesomeness. We caught
our breath. The merchant requested that he join us for breakfast so we could talk. He declined politely saying that
he was already late for a meeting. So the Merchant quickly explained that we were looking for the Sikh Guru. “Oh, there are plenty of those!” he laughed indifferently. Then he narrowed his eyes scrutinizing us intently for a moment. His
aloof attitude gave way to interest. He accepted the invitation to join us for breakfast. He divulged to us that there was
one other Guru by the name of Guru Tegh Bahadur Sahib. But warned us the Guru does not host guests preferring instead to remain
in Naam. It was this guru he was on his way to meet when we had seen him. Indeed it as per his daily routine, he would go
to Guru before starting his day spending blissful moments in his company. His countenance shone divinely while recounting these details so that we readily believed him.
We begged him to take us along. He kept
quiet for a little while, before speaking very deliberately. “I am getting a message inside that I should take you to the Guru!”
He looked at our delighted faces and added, “Indeed I felt the same when we were talking earlier but I thought perhaps
I had misread the message. But I don’t wish to sell you anything that you don’t want to buy. I will gladly take
you to the Guru’s house. I will also gladly ask the Guru if you can visit him. But if he says no, that will be the end
of our acquaintance. Because it is possible that I am misreading the message from within – I have done so before.” We eagerly agreed and followed him to the Guru’s
abode. He told us to wait outside on the porch. He entered the door and paused; he looked at me and winked, “The answer to your question is Awpy jwxY soeI!” Needless
to say, we were overjoyed and waited with abated breath. He came out a few minutes later, very excited, “The Guru has agreed! This is the first time in years that he has said “Yes” to anyone!” He held
our hands and said, “I have been waiting for this for a long time!” We looked at each other; excited and a little
apprehensive. We knew this was it. If this turned out not to be the real thing, a misinterpretation had been made of the 8th
Guru’s final words. A moment later, upon entering, all our doubts left us. This was indeed the real deal! The tranquility in that place seeped even into
an old Sailor like me. Guru Tegh Bahadur Sahib sat alone, eyes closed, quietly absorbed. I had set my eyes on a great
many awesome sights in my travels - ocean sunsets, mountain sunrises, exotic waterfalls, glorious After what seemed an eternity, the merchant moved
close to Him and bowed respectfully; placing an offering of two gold mohars in front of Him (the merchant later told me that
he already knew this to be the True Guru, but offered 2 mohars out of sheer habit). The Guru opened his
naam-filled eyes and with a voice that resembled the freshness of an early morning, he mirthfully expounded, “That leaves
498 mohars still owed to Guru Nanak’s house!” Prostrating himself, the merchant grasped
Guru Sahibs feet with both hands. Overcome, he wept wordlessly. When finally he could speak, his
voice trembled; thanking Guru Sahib profusely for protecting and saving him along with his men and ship. “Guru
Sahib jee, words are inadequate to express the depths of my most sincere heartfelt gratitude,” he attempted helplessly.
Gathering his composure, the merchant withdrew the five hundred gold mohars tied at his waist. In deep gratitude
and undying love, he placed them at Guru Sahib’s feet. He spoke reverently saying, “My wonderful, compassionate,
kind, generous life-giving Guru, I have been searching so long and have found You at last. Guru Sahib
jee, please accept my humble offering. Please accept what is already Yours,
what rightfully belongs to You. I offer you my All; these are the five hundred gold mohars I promised You.
They have not been touched. They are for You only, no other!” The Guru answered kindly, “Merchant,
you offer me your all, yet place before me gold coins.” Then he recited mwieAw mmqw mohxI ijin ivxu dMqw jgu KwieAw ] maaeiaa mamathaa mohanee jin vin dhanthaa jag khaaeiaa || mnmuK KwDy gurmuiK aubry ijnI sic nwim icqu lwieAw ] manamukh khaadhhae guramukh oubarae jinee sach naam chith laaeiaa
||<644> “Bewitching is the love of wealth which without teeth has eaten up the whole world. Those who follow their own minds
will be eaten away; those who follow the Guru, fixing their mind on Naam, will be saved.” Totally
at a loss for words, I reflected that Guru Sahib had not only saved us from being swallowed in the swell of the storm but
now promised to deliver us from the all devouring swill of the mind. I just stood mouth agape in complete admiration as I
observed the scene unfolding before me. The merchant straightened up joyfully. He looked in to Gurus Radiance confirming aloud, “I am Yours and You are mine!” Determinedly grabbing me by my arm, he took me up to the rooftop of the house.
Waving a flag, he shouted out declaring, “Gur Laadho Rae! Gur Laadho Rae! The Guru has been found! The Guru has been found! I have found
Him at last, after searching, I found my TRUE GURU, Dhan Guru Tegh Bahadur Sahib! He has been right here all along. Come His
Sikhs, come and join me in joyous celebration for I have found the TRUE GURU. Let us together beseech Him to come forward
now, and lead us to the True One’s abode!” Hearing this, Sikhs came running, and on evidence of the Merchant’s tale,
convinced Dhan Guru Tegh Bahadur Sahib to claim his rightful seat, as their own One True Guru, on Dhan Guru Nanak eternal
throne.” To be continued… PS: I have heard that Ackhmed has moved into a 5-sphinx tomb with free Internet
access; so I don’t expect him to be appearing on this Series anymore. But not to worry, I will answer any questions
he usually asks: Rugus?
![]() Well, though imposters continue to advertize, the rugus didn’t
fair too well. After the True Guru discovery, people abandoned them rapidly forcing the rugus to seek other incoming-producing
ways: The mojo-rugu, for example, created his own line of manly perfumes designed to excite women. But despite
the large order by both-eyes-on-women-rugu, the perfumes failed to gain any market share; especially once it became apparent
that the perfume attracted more female bees than female humans! The other rugus didn’t do much better –
in fact, so tragic are their 'tails' that I am thinking of writing a brand new series just about them – Evenings with
Rugus Series. For further info, stay tuned to this space/time slot… ![]()
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