I’m Emily, and JJD has been my “person of interest” intermittently since the end of November.   I say “person of interest” because he has an issue with labels…see his entry on that for clarification as it would take 2 years to adequately describe the conversations we’ve had about that one.

He also has issues with intimacy, insecurity, uncertainty, narcissism, overuse of “whatever” and “awesome”, and some other stuff I won’t divulge at this point.

(Note: Actually, I'm trying to move away from using "awesome" and trying more to use "excellent" these days)

He is as clever and hysterical as his writing would lead you to believe.  He’s really, really smart, and has limited himself as far as expectations in his career based on the fact that he’s a single dad to 2 amazing boys, and that he’s told himself that credentials are necessary for certain things.  Like his dream to be a diabolical chemist who is actually a cartoon character who everyone thinks is evil, but he’s really good, and he also gets to date 20-year-old Hooters waitresses…he doesn’t understand his potential, and I’m beginning to think he truly may not care.

The vast majority of our conversations are about how “hot” certain celebrities are, women at his office, church, every restaurant and place of business we’ve been to, but it’s astonishing how it’s not threatening to me.  Maybe because it’s so exhausting being with him that I don’t have the energy to muster up insecurity. 

He’s the smartest clueless man I’ve ever met.  Think:  Homer Simpson crossed with Stephen Hawking without the wheelchair and voice thingy. 

When he’s telling a story, don’t say “uh-huh” to let him know you’re listening…apparently on his planet “uh-huh” has deep hidden meaning that has to be pondered and questioned until my brain is raw from the frustration of his inane badgering for an explanation of my thought process behind my courteous acknowledgement that I was listening to his relentless diatribe about any given aforementioned hot woman. 

The alternative is the silent, intent listening to said relentless diatribe about any given aforementioned hot woman.   I get a lot of  “are you still there?” comments as ours is basically a long distance relationship given the fact that we live about an hour and a half from each other, and are both single parents.  If anyone has an alternative to the “uh-huh” or silence approach when relentless diatribe about any given aforementioned hot woman is happening, please advise.  You can reach me at Emily@itsexhastingbeingwithhim.com.

He’s so much more clear when he writes than when he talks, because when he talks, stuff just comes flying out for which he claims minimal responsibility.  Don’t think that he can take it since he dishes it out, either.  I am to be held responsible for every word, every nuance, every thought…I’m pretty sure this is a karma thing as I used to do that to others, too.  Nothing like seeing how maddening behavior is in someone else to put you on the straight and narrow.  For him, I think the writing thing is like the 5-second delay the censors insist on during live TV shows where a bad word or breast may come out.  You folks online have that buffer, and for that, be grateful.

Speaking of karma, he’ll say one of my biggest flaws is that I won’t watch “Dharma and Greg” so we can discuss ad nauseam each intricate detail of each conversation, even if it doesn’t include hot women.  I can’t stand Jenna Elfman’s eyebrows, but apparently that’s not a good enough reason to not watch the show.  Don’t get me started on how our relationship has been stifled because I’ve never seen all of “Batman Begins”.  I’m a failure as the person who is right for him, but I think he’s holding out hope that I’ll come around.  Foolish, foolish boy…

Oh so much more to share…I don’t want to overwhelm.  At the end of the day, the reality is that he’s so incredibly charming in a not-trying-to-be way that he’s wormed his way into my heart.  And, like heartworms, his presence is festering…but I love him. 

God help me.