DICK CAVE & THE BAD CHEESE feat. RILEY MINOGUE

hapless boy lard

dick cave & riley minogue
© BBC

They call me the hapless boy lard,

Why they call me that I do not know,

Because you're a great useless tosser,

Yes, I suppose so...

The first day I saw him I knew he was the one,

Glazed over eyes and hillbilly smile,

His cheeks were the tone of his blood red sweater,

And the cheeks on his face weren't much better...

When I knocked on the door and I entered the room,

I'll never forget that look on his face,

He would be my first man and with my careful hand,

I went: fancy a brew back at my place???

They call me the hapless boy lard,

Why they call me that I do not know,

Because you're a fat gormless pillock,

Yes, I suppose so...

On the second day I was fucked off with him already,

When Roger Bannister called me on the phone,

He said: Bruno Brookes had to go, you can have your own show,

But you'll have to bring Lard, you can't do it on your own,

So I got started in showbiz on Radio 1,

And after two weeks all the listeners had gone,

But at least it's a start, it's a foot in the door,

Now I'm stuck with this tosser for evermore,

They call me the hapless boy lard,

Why they call me that I do not know,

Because you're a fat gormless pillock,

Yes, I suppose so... Yes, I suppose so...