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BE YOURSELF Introduction
The world can be a tough place for a teenager. You're in one of the most
confusing times of your life.
For one thing, your body is changing more than it will at any other time. Your hormones,
hard at work, can be playing around with your moods. You may feel great one day and miserable
the next, for no clear reason.
The rules are changing. You're expected to act more and more like an adult. You may have new
adult responsibilities like volunteer work or a part-time job but you might not be given adult
rights, like coming home at whatever time you want.
Your relationship with your parents is changing. You're becoming more independent and they're
having to accept that you are growing up. That's not easy for either of you.
All of a sudden, something you didn't think about a few years ago - all the emotions of sex -
might feel like the most important thing in the world.
If you're a gay, lesbian or bisexual teenager - or think you might be or have wondered if you
are - it can be even more confusing. This is a time when teens sort out the best fit of their
heartfeltness and erotic attraction so as to be able to have healthy relationships in the future.
Most of the images, all the messages we get from media and school and our family and friends
focus on being heterosexual. Being heterosexual is assumed to be the only way to be. If you
don't see your feelings and behaviors reflected anywhere, it can seem a bit confusing. It is
probably not you who is confused. If the only images you ever see are of white families and you
are Native or Asian, does that mean you are confused about who you are? Of course not - but you
might be confused about where you "fit". This is quite normal.
When you were younger, your parents and relatives may have kidded you about liking girls if
you're a guy - or guys if you're a girl. Maybe they talked about "when you grow up and
start dating" or "when you fall in love and get married and have kids of your
own" - but they probably never talked about when you grow up and fall in love with another
guy or about marrying a woman just like you. Most families assume everyone in the family is
straight and our society actively encourages boys to "like" girls and girls to
"like" boys, good-natured kidding about liking someone of the opposite sex is a way of
encouraging that connection.
TV, movies and magazines mostly show men and women being with each other. The music you hear
is usually about falling in love or getting it on with the opposite sex. If you're a guy, your
friends are probably talking about girls. If you're a girl, they're talking about guys.
All of that makes things difficult if you're gay or lesbian because you aren't seeing or
hearing much that relates to you or YOUR feelings.
This was written to try to help you answer some of your questions, to suggest books you can
read and people to whom you can talk - and to help you understand three things:
There are people with whom you can talk openly, compare notes, ask advice and who will take
some time to listen and help you sort things out a bit.
This does not answer every question but we hope it give you a place to start. You don't have
to be alone when exploring your sexual identity. The available resources will give you a place
to continue - to find information, to find answers and to find friends.
You will learn that the best advice is to be yourself. If you are gay, lesbian or
bisexual, you will soon find that you have the power to shape and define your coming out - to
make it unique for yourself. While coming out will present you with questions and situations you
never faced before, you will also find great joy in this journey of discovery.
Use the support of family around you. The tremendous value of this support is reflected in
"Everything Possible". Keep these words in your heart for comfort and inspiration and
good luck! Where would you like to go?
[ PFLAG Canada ]
[ PFLAG USA ]
[ NRPride ]
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Last updated: 08/17/2002
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