3:14pm

Well, it's the new year. 2001. I suppose I should be happy. Maybe I am and I just don't realize it.

I've spent most of the night either updating my website or playing Half-Life. I'm in a clan now: Murder Incorporated I used to try so hard to get into a clan. Now I'm so good at the game that I wasn't interested when clans asked me to join. How ironic.

So what will be different about this year from last? Somehow, I doubt much will. But at least I still have my Coconuts. 9 months as of the 1st. My longest relationship ever. She makes me so happy. I spent Christmas Day at her place with her family since my mom and Lorne went to Lorne's parents. Jen had turkey dinner at her place with Rico. Got to spend New Year's with Steph, as well as Paco & Bambino and Shawn and his friend. All in all, it was fun.

There's always been one thing I liked about a new year: the concept of "starting over". Turning over a new leaf. A clean slate. A fresh new beginning. Like everything that happened before bears no meaning whatsoever. However, for me, the year drags on, I hate myself again, and end up waiting for the new year to arrive so I can start the process all over again. That's my life in a nutshell.

I tell ya though, out of all of 2000, December was THE month. Why? Well, I tried Acid for the first time. And then again. Umm...Christmas and New Year's with Steph. Dealing with a friend trying to kill himself. Understanding Jigy's letter. (which kind of frightens me) This month has been hell, for better lack of a word. So heading into the new year, I was pretty pessimistic. But, it started off well. We rang in the new year at my place, then the friends left, and it was just Steph and I. No, THAT didn't happen. (perverts) Steph and I snuggled on the couch and watched Alien: Resurrection on one channel and Kingpin on the other. Then she passed out on me. d=-) So, as I said, the new year started off well.

Of course, with every new year comes resolutions. This year, I have 4:

• Graduate high school
• Get my G1
• Land a decent paying job
• Get out of debt

You could possibly be looking at that first resolution and chuckling to yourself. Go ahead. It makes me realize how pathetic I am. 19 going on 20, and I'm still a high school student. Oh yeah. I'm going places when I get older. Straight to the fucking welfare office. That's why graduating is my #1 goal this year. I want to make something out of my life, if possible.

Wow. It's now 7:13am and I'm finishing my laundry. I've been up since this afternoon sometime, and I'm still kickin'. Ya baby. Getting back into my old web design habits. Little sleep, lots of design. That's how I met Justin. He and I sort of bonded in that sense. We both would stay up ungodly hours just working on web shit.

Tonight I went with Jen (Poo Poo) to see "What Women Want". Good movie. Got me wondering though...what DO women really want? I mean sure, we could take into account what Hollywood seems to think women want. But ;et's not generalize. Not all women are the same. It would be nice to know what MY woman wants, though. Then I could be one step ahead. I'd love to be able to surprise Steph, but I'm so fuckin' clueless when it comes to relationships. Only thing I know is to treat a woman as more than equal. And I do.

If I've always strived to be one thing, it's to NOT be a "typical" guy. I like to think I've done a pretty good job of it. I know I have my male moments, when I talk dirty or burp or fart...whatever. But I'm human. However, I like to think of myself as someone who's not ashamed to let the feminine side show once in a while: go shopping, cry at a movie, have snuggle time. All that good stuff. That's the stuff that really matters.

So bearing all that in mind, it's time to put on my helmet and dive into another year of torment. Or perhaps it will be a prosperous year. One can only hope.

Sincerely Yours,