WHAT FOOD .. ???

 

A  dietitian was once addressing a large audience in Chicago:

 

"The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining. Chinese food  is loaded with MSG. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the  long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water."

 

"But there is  one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten or will eat  it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"

 

A 75-year-old man in the front row  stood up and said, "Wedding cake."

 

(Recommended by HUYNH THANH HOANG)

 

TEN important MEN in WOMEN's life:

 

1.  THE DOCTOR: because he says, "Take your clothes off."

2.  THE DENTIST: because he says, "Open wide."

3. THE HAIRDRESSER: because he says, "Do you want it teased or blown ?"

4. THE MILKMAN: because he says, "Do you want it in the front or the back ?

5. THE INTERIOR DECORATOR: because he says, "Once it's in, you'll love it!"

6. THE STOCK BROKER: because he says, "It will rise right up, fluctuate for a while, and then slowly fall back again."

7.  THE BANKER: because he says, "If you take it out too soon, you'll lose interest."

8.  THE HUNTER: because he goes deep in the bush, shoots twice, and always eats what he shoots

AND, from all of the telephone guys out there:

9.  THE TELEPHONE GUY: because he says, "Would you like it on the table or up against the wall ?" -- (DUONG LIEU)

10. THE POSTMAN: because "The Postman Always Rings Twice". (Hollywood movie in the early 80's with Jessica Lance & Jack Nicholson) --(XO)

 

(Brought to you by DUONG LIEU & XO)

 

 

HIS RULES and HER RULE.

 

A typical macho man married a typical good-looking lady and, after the wedding, laid down the following rules:

"I'll be home when I want, if I want, and at what time I want, and I don't expect any hassle from you.

I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you otherwise. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it.

Those are my rules. Any comments?"

His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there'll be sex here at seven o'clock every night, whether you're here or not."

 

(Selected by VUONG HAI & HUYNH THANH HOANG)

 

 

THE WORMS

 

Little Johnny watched the science teacher start the experiment with the worms.

 

 Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

 

 a.. The first worm was put in a jar of alcohol.

 b.. The second worm was put in a jar of cigarette smoke.

 c.. The third worm was put in a jar of sperm.

 d.. The fourth worm was put in a jar of soil.

 

 After one day, these were the results:

 

 a.. First worm in alcohol - dead.

 b.. Second worm in the Cigarette smoke - dead.

 c.. Third worm in sperm - dead.

 d.. Fourth worm in soil - ALIVE.

 

 So the Science teacher asked the class - What can we learn from this experiment ??

 

 Little Johnny quickly raised his hand and said -

 

"As long as you drink, smoke and have sex, you won't have worms"

 

(Brought to you by HUYNH THANH HOANG)

 

English
I Love You

Spanish
Te Amo

French
Je T'aime

German
lch Liebe Dich

Japanese
Ai Shite Imasu

Italian
Ti Amo

Chinese
Wo Ai Ni

Swedish
Jag Alskar

Alabama, Arkansas, Kansas, Oklahoma, Texas, North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, Tennessee, Idaho, Missouri, Mississippi, Montana, Louisiana, Virginia, West Virginia, Kentucky, parts of Florida :

Nice Ass, Get in the truck !!!

 

(Brought to you by PHUC NGUYEN)