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By
clicking the link (below) you will have a fairy-tale with wonderful music and and a big laugh at the end
(from WHOOHOO.NET)
THE PRINCESS and THE FROG 2002 style
Just
click the link (below) and enjoy
JOKE OF THE WEEK
from
yourbigfun.com
JOKE OF THE WEEK
SEX
OF FLIES
A
woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband
stalking around with a fly swatter. "What are you
doing?" she asked.
"Hunting Flies," he responded.
"Oh!, Killed any?" she asked. "Yep, 3 males, 2
Females," he replied. Intrigued, she asked.
"How can
you tell?" He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were
on the phone."
(recommended by LUAN NGUYEN)
Soul
Man
Hard to believe this was written by
a black guy in Texas...so funny!
When
I born, I black.
When I grow up, I black.
When I go in sun, I black.
When I cold, I black.
When I scared, I black.
When I sick, I black.
And when I die, I still black.
You white folks...
When you born, you pink.
When you grow up, you white .
When you go in sun, you red.
When you cold, you blue.
When you scared, you yellow.
When you sick, you green.
When you bruised, you purple.
And when you die, you gray.
So who YOU callin' C O L O R E D ???
(brought to you by HUYNH THANH HOANG)
GRANDMA
IS SO THOUGHTFUL !!!
A grandson called Grandma to visit her. She
gave him a very specific instruction to get to her apartment:
"You go to the front entrance, use your elbow
to press button "14T". I will unlock the main door. The elevator is on the right, use your elbow press the
button 14. When you get up to 14 floor, turn left. Use your elbow to ring my apartment door bell. I will
open the door as soon as I hear the bell, sweetie."
The grandson asked "Grandma, why do I have
to use my elbow all the time?'.
Grandma replied: "You are not coming with empty hands, aren't you?".......
Grandma
is so thoughtful......
(recommended by DUYEN PHO)
Politics.
A
little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"
Dad
says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the head of the family, so call me The President.
Your
mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.
We're here to take care of your needs, so
we'll call you the People.
The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class.
And your baby brother, we'll
call him the Future.
Now think about that and see if it makes sense."
So
the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying,
so he gets up to check on him.
He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diapers. So the little boy goes
to his parent's room and finds his mother sound asleep.
Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding
the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to
bed.
The
next morning, the little boy says to his father,
"Dad,
I think I understand the concept of politics now."
The
father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."
The
little boy replies, "The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep.
The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."
Author:
unknown
(brought to you by HUYNH THANH HOANG)
What
Women Want In Men
======================
What I want in a Man (age 22)
1 Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4.
A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8.
Appreciates finer things
9. Full of thoughtful surprises
10. An imaginative, romantic lover
What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32)
1. Nice looking (prefer hair on his head)
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3.
Has enough money for a nice dinner
4. Listens more than talks
5. Laughs at my jokes
6.
Carries bags of groceries with ease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home-cooked
meal
9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
10. Seeks romance at least once a week
What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 42)
1. Not too ugly (bald head OK)
2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
3.
Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally
4. Nods head when I'm talking
5. Usually
remembers punch lines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
7. Wears
a shirt that covers his stomach
8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9. Remembers
to put the toilet seat down
10. Shaves most weekends
What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 52)
1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
3.
Doesn't borrow money too often
4. Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting
5. Doesn't re-tell
the same joke too many times
6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends
7. Usually
wears matching socks and fresh underwear
8. Appreciates a good TV dinner
9. Remembers your name
on occasion
10. Shaves some weekends
What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 62)
1. Doesn't scare small children
2. Remembers where bathroom is
3. Doesn't require
much money for upkeep
4. Only snores lightly when asleep
5. Remembers why he's laughing
6.
Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
7. Usually wears some clothes
8. Likes soft foods
9.
Remembers where he left his teeth
10. Remembers that it's the weekend
What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 72)
1. Breathing
2. Doesn't miss the toilet
(brought
to you by CHAU HIEN QUANG)
THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS ...
The
teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The
next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.
Ashley said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg laying hens. One time, we were taking our eggs to market
in a basket on the front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs
went flying and
broke and made a mess."
"What's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher.
"Don't put all your eggs in one basket!"
"Very
good," said the teacher.
Next,
little Sarah raised her hand and said, "Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market.
We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this story is,
"Don't
count your chickens before they're hatched."
"That
was a fine story, Sarah. Johnny, do you have a story to share?"
"Yes,
my daddy told me this story about my Aunt Karen. Aunt Karen was a flight engineer in the Gulf War, and her plane got hit.
She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun and a machete. She drank the
whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break, and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. She killed
seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets. Then she killed twenty more with the machete until
the blade broke. And then she killed the last ten with her bare hands."
"Good
heavens," said the horrified teacher, "what kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"
"Stay the fuck away from Aunt Karen when she's been drinking."
Author:unknown
(recommended by CHAU HIEN QUANG)
(Recommended by TRINH SON LUONG)
LOOKING
FOR A MAN
RICH WIDOW LOOKING FOR MAN TO SHARE LIFE AND
FORTUNE WITH THE FOLLOWING
QUALIFICATIONS:
1. WON'T BEAT ME UP
2. WON'T RUN AWAY
3. HAS TO BE GREAT IN BED
For several months, her phone rang off the
hook, her doorbell was ringing constantly, she received tons of mail...all to no avail. None of the men seemed to meet her
qualifications.
Then one day the doorbell rang yet again. She
opened the door to find a man, with no arms and no legs, lying on the welcome mat.
Perplexed, she asked,
"Who are you
and what do you want?"
"Hi," said the man "Your search is over, for
I am the man of your dreams.
I've got no arms, so I can't beat you up and I've
got no legs, so I can't run away."
The old woman asked, "What makes you think
you're so great in bed?"
To which he replied, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"
(Brought to you by HUYNH THANH HOANG)
TO
JUDGE OR NOT TO JUDGE
This is one of those 'make you seriously think' messages . .
Question
1: If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three who were deaf, two who were blind,
one mentally retarded, and she had syphilis; would you recommend that she have an abortion?
Read the next question before scrolling
down to the answer of this one
Question
2:
It is time to elect a new world leader, and your vote counts.
Here are the facts about the three leading candidates:
Candidate A: Associates
with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologists. He's had mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to
10 martinis a day.
Candidate B: He was kicked
out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart of whisky every evening.
Candidate C: He is a decorated
war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, drinks an occasional beer and hasn't had any extramarital affairs.
Which of these candidates
would be your choice?
Decide first, no peeking,
then scroll down for the answer.
This is truly
thought provoking.
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NEXT...
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ANSWER
...
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ANSWER 1:
Answer to the abortion question if you said "yes", you just
killed Beethoven.
ANSWER 2:
Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt
Candidate B is Winston Churchill
Candidate C is Adolph
Hitler
(Brought to you by
TRINH SON LUONG)
Subject: YOUR
DAILY MOMENT OF ZEN
.
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me,
either. Just leave me the hell alone.
. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
. It's always darkest before dawn.
So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
. Sex is like air. It's not important
unless you aren't getting any.
.
Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
. Always remember you're
unique. Just like everyone else.
. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
. If you think nobody cares
if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile
away and you have their shoes.
. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him
how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
. If you lend someone
$20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
. Some days you are the bug, some days you are the
windshield.
. Don't
worry, it only seems kinky the first time.
.
Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither
one works.
. Generally
speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.
. We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
(CHQ recommanded)
SUCCESS is...
At age 4 success is not peeing in your pants.
At
age 12 success is having friends.
At age 16 success is having a drivers license.
At age 20 success is having sex.
At
age 35 success is having money.
At age 50 success is having money.
At
age 60 success is having sex.
At age 70 success is having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is having friends.
At
age 80 success is not peeing in your pants.
- Author unknown
(recommended
by TSL)
(This above picture's brought to you by CHQ)
Do you want
to know LIFE AFTER MARRIAGE (it's not about human being, it's about lion-king's marriage) ??? - You'll love to see
this one :
ANIMALS around US !
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