LIGHTNINGS

 

A little girl walked to and from school daily. Though the weather that morning was questionable and clouds were forming, she made her daily trek to the elementary school. As the afternoon progressed, the winds whipped up, along with lightning.

 

The mother of the little girl felt concerned that her daughter would be frightened as she walked home from school and she feared the electrical storm might harm her child.  Enroute to her child's school she saw her little girl walking along. At each flash of lightning, the child would stop, look up, and smile.

 

Another and another flash of lighting followed quickly and with each the little girl would look at the streak of light and smile. When the mother's car drew up beside the child she lowered the window and called to her "What are you doing ?" The child answered "I am trying to look pretty, because God keeps taking my picture."

 

 

 

May God bless you today and everyday and whenever the storm is in your way.

 

 

(Brought to you by tHIEP - TaoLaoWan)

 

 

 

 

THIS IS TOO SWEET FOR WORDS !!!

 

 

A six-year-old boy told his father he wanted to marry the little girl across the street.   The father, being modern and well-schooled in handling children, hid his smile behind his hand. 

 

- "That's a serious step," he said. "Have you thought it out completely?"  

- "Yes," his young son answered. "We can spend one week in my room and the next in hers.  It's right across the street, so I can run home if I get scared of the dark."

- "How about transportation ?" the father asked.

- "I have my wagon, and we both have our tricycles," the little boy answered.

 

The boy had an answer to every question the father raised.

 

Finally, in exasperation, his dad asked,

- "What about babies ? When you're married, you're liable to have babies, you know."

- "We've thought about that, too," the little boy replied.  "We're not going to have babies. Every time she lays an egg, I'm going to step on it!"

 

 

(Selected by tHIEP - TaoLaoWan)

 

 

 

 

QUOTE OF THE DAY

 

 

"Whatever you give a woman, she will make it greater.

 

If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby.

If yougive her a house, she'll give you a home.

If you giveher groceries, she'll give you a meal.

If you give hera smile, she'll give you her heart.

She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.

 

So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit."

 

 

(Brought to you by DUONG LIEU-TaoLaoWan)

 

 

How to Make a Woman Happy

It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lot s of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
54. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes

 

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY

1. Show up naked
2. Bring beer


(Selected by tHIEP - Tao Lao Wan)

 

 

 

The Nun and the Soldier

 

 

A soldier came to a fork in the road and saw a nun standing there.

Out of  breath he asked, "Please Sister, may I hide under your skirts for a few minutes. I'll explain WHY later." The nun agreed.

 

Just a moment later two Military Police came running along and asked,

"Sister, have you seen a soldier running by here ?"

The nun replied, "He went that way."

 

After the MP's disappeared, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said,

"I can't thank you enough Sister, but you see I don't want to go to Iraq."

The nun said, "I think I can fully understand your fear."

The soldier added, "I hope you don't think me rude or impertinent, but you have a great pair of legs !"

The nun replied, "If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of  balls .. I don't want to go to Iraq either."

 

 

(Selected by DUONG LIEU-TLW)

 

 

The interview for a Visa to the US...

 

 

An Arab is interviewed for a Visa to the US:

 

Consul: What is your name?

Arab: Abdul Aziz

 

Consul: Sex?

Arab: Six to ten times a week

 

Consul: I mean, male or female ?

Arab: Both male and female and sometimes even camels ...

 

Consul: Holy cow !

Arab: Yes, cows and dogs too !!!!

 

Consul: Man ... isn't it hostile ?

Arab: Horse style, dog style, any style

 

Consul: Oh .......... dear !

Arab: Deer ? No deer, they run too fast

 

 

(Brought to you by VIET HAI TRAN)

 

 

 

THE CLEVEREST EMAIL

 

 

This has got to be one of the cleverest E-mails I've received in a while. Someone out there either has too much spare time or is deadly at Scrabble. (Wait 'till you see the last one!)

 

DORMITORY: When you rearrange the letters: DIRTY ROOM

PRESBYTERIAN: When you rearrange the letters: BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER: When you rearrange the letters: MOON STARER

 
DESPERATION: When you rearrange the letters: A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:  When you rearrange the letters: THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH: When you rearrange the letters: HE BUGS GORE

 
THE MORSE CODE: When you rearrange the letter s: HERE COME DOTS

 
SLOT MACHINES: When you rearrange the letters: CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY: When you rearrange the letters: IS NO AMITY

 
ELECTION RESULTS: When you rearrange the letters: LIES -LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS: When you rearrange the letters: ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT: When you rearrange the letters: IM A DOT IN PLACE

 
THE EARTHQUAKES: When you rearrange the letters: THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO: When you rearrange the letters: TWELVE PLUS ONE

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

MOTHER-IN-LAW: When you rearrange the letters: WOMAN HITLER

 

Yep! Someone with waaaaaaaaaaay too much time on their hands! (Probably a daughter-in-law)

Bet your friends haven't seen this one!!! DON'T FORGET TO SHARE THIS.

 

 

(Brought to you by tHIEP-TLW)