It may help to look at depression on both sides--each partner is likely to have it or develop it. Depression is more than just "the blues" or feeling down for a short time. Depression is when sadness persists or keeps returning. When everyday things like sleeping, working, socializing, eating or just enjoying life becomes difficult, it is depression and most need help with this. Depression is an illness that requires treatment. Depression will only worsen without treatment.

As you read through this, think not only of yourself but your partner as well, especially BEFORE the adultery or before it was discovered.

Symptoms of Depression:

1. sad, anxious or empty mood that lasts 2 weeks or more

2. loss of interest or pleasure in most activities you once enjoyed

3. feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, guilt

4. Changes in sleep habits such as insomnia or over sleeping

5. fatigue, loss of energy, "slowed down"

6. agitation, restlessness, irritability

7. difficulty in concentrating and making decisions

8. thoughts of death or suicide or suicide attempts

Causes of Depression:

Both social and biological factors play a role in depression. Medical research has shown that depression is related to a chemical imbalance of the substances called "neuro transmitters" that transmit signals between the nerve cells in the brain.

Life difficulties can also contribute to depression, whether one or 2 larger difficulties or many smaller ones. Relationship difficulties, stress at work, disappointment or a series of disappointments or separation from those you love whether as a result of divorce, death or maybe someone going away to college.

It can also happen along WITH other illness such as chronic pain, cancer, strokes or thyroid conitions, postpartum changes, certain medications such steroids or some high blood pressure medications, alcohol or substance abuse. There are genetic factors that can predispose a person to depression---the tendency can run in families.

Depression is an illness, a treatable illness. It is not the person's fault and it is not a sign of weakness.

One in five Americans is affected by depression in their lifetime.

Other Symptoms That Can Go Along With Depression:

Anxiety disorders such as Obsessive Compulsive Disorder which does not only mean ritual cleaning and washing or shutting off lights, but can mean any repeated or unwanted thoughts or feelings which make them anxious.

Panic disorder refers to people who get panic attacks or sudden and severe anxiety for any given reason which can make their heart race, they can have difficulty breathing and feel very trapped.

Social phobia refers to people who avoid social or "performance" situations in general. We hear of agoraphobia which is a crippling fear of being in public places or leaving the house. This can happen in degrees too. A person can find that they CAN or make themselves leave the house but are anxious because of it.

Treatments

Psychotherapy and Anti-depressant Therapy (one or both)

Anti-depressants can correct the imbalance in the brain and help "smooth" our reactions to what is going on around us and couseling can help us sort out whatever is going on and obtain valuable support and advice.

Anti-depressants can take up to 3-4 weeks to be "noticed". Some feel a good affect almost right away. Remembering that the drugs will help the imbalance in the brain chemicals and not get rid of the dilemmas is helpful so that the person is not disappointed.

There are many types of anti-depressants and if one does not help, others should be tried. Sometimes an increase dose of the one the person is on helps but if it isn't working, talk to the doctor about changing it.

If a counselor does not seem to be helping, change that also. As in any job in life, some people are better at it than others and it is also important to feel comfortable with the person.

The factors that can lead to depression are many and complex but CAN BE CHANGED. The change will not happen overnight just like the depression did not happen overnight, but it can be changed.