My H had an EA 7 years ago, with someone he worked with. Neither of us knew the term EA at the time; we just knew that it wasn't good that he "couldn't stop thinking about her." We were both grad students at the time, and at my insistence, went to the school's counseling. We only went to about 4 sessions, and H became convinced that we were overreacting.

6 years later (January 04), H starts emailing a woman pretty frequently. She's moved back into the area after being away for homeopathic school, and is hanging out with the group of guys that H hangs with on Wednesday night. She's also married. She already knew all the other guys but H was new in the group to her. She almost immediately tells him how she'd had an affair with one of the other guys. I told H she was "fishing." I think that just stroked his ego.

Hs relationship with her continues to grow. They exchange CDs all the time, have coffee/lunch together at least once a week. I told H that I was worried that he was going to have another EA (still didn't know that's what it was called). H replied that I had nothing to worry about, besides she was married! I didn't know about "Not Just Friends" but did lots of searching about men and women being friends. Everything I found said I was overreacting. I worried about Hs relationship almost constantly and eventually convinced myself I had paranoid personality disorder.

So, H continues seeing OW all the time, stopping by her house after work, lecturing me about not trusting him. Then, a Thursday in late June, he tells me that he is going to play pool with OW and her H. I didn't feel comfortable about it but thought, it would be ok since her H was there. My H spent a long time getting ready, ASKED ME HOW HE LOOKED a couple of times, and went out to play pool. He didn't get home until 1am.

The next day, H comes home crying and saying that he and OW aren't going to be seeing each other anymore. He said he didn't want to talk about it. (And, guess what, her H HADN'T played pool with them.) On Saturday, H admits that he and OW have been discussing leaving their spouses to be together. H says he's going to start sleeping on the couch because he doesn't want to make any promises about our marriage. I FINALLY find this board, and am told to kick H out. I didn't because I didn't think it was necessary.

Our dog bit H the next day (Saturday), and I took H to the ER, waiting hours, with our 3 yo son, for him to be seen. On Monday, H comes home from work and announces that OW and her husband are splitting. Then, he tells me that he WANTS TO BE WITH HER!!! I went into shock - literally had convulsions. H started grabbing things to leave, and I said I couldn't stay in the house by myself. I grabbed DS and we went to a friend's house. I discovered the BSSG chat that night, and it helped to keep me somewhat sane.

I drove back home the next morning but H wasn't there. He drove up about an hour after I did, and told me he'd slept with OW. But, he said he'd made a mistake and wanted back. Then, two days later, he left again to be with OW. She wouldn't take him. I let him back again, and we started seeing therapists.

The next 7 weeks of my life were pure hell. H openly mourned OW, told me that he was only happy with her, wouldn't talk, just stared into space. I sat by and hoped that therapy/anti-depressants would help. After 6 weeks, our MC suggested a separation. I saw H smile for the first time in weeks - he was ecstatic at the idea. I was scared to death.

H moved out about a week later, telling me it was just a trial and that he wasn't going to date OW (she never went back to her H). Two days after he moved out, he stopped back by the house for some clothes. I noticed he wasn't wearing his wedding ring. I asked if he was seeing OW. He said "I don't want to talk to you about this." I asked if he was sleeping with her, and he said "I don't want to talk to you about this." Talk about a coward! I started yelling, he admitted to seeing/sleeping with her, and I kicked him out. He was making a tuna sandwich in the kitchen, and I threw the bread and tuna can out the front door!

I then saw a lawyer, changed the locks, put all his clothes on the back deck and told him a time when he could come by and get them. I did my best to cut off contact except for communication about DS.

It's 6 mos later. TBX continues to flip back and forth about what he wants. He did finally start seeing a psychologist about 6 weeks ago, after stopping all therapy when he moved out. As far as I'm concerned, I'm just waiting out the 1 year separation period before filing for divorce. We'll have been married for 10 years and 2 months when the divorce is final. TBX has made some small gestures in my direction but nothing that shows me he would be committed to doing what's necessary to make a relationship work. I was a SAHM when he left, and I still don't have a permanent job, although I do have a temp to perm job. I'm learning a lot about myself and realizing that I'd sacrificed myself for our relationship. While I'm not thankful for the betrayal, I am happy that I now have space from my TBX.

I don't know what the future will bring but none of us really know that anyway!