November&TheWeddingMonth
Nov.1,1998
Hiya Friends, I can not believe that its the 1st of November already,
and yes, I woke up extremely bridal. We have ordered our cake, and
tommorrow its the flowers. I am just so nervous, and pmsing and if I
make it through til the wedding it will be a small miracle...
Starting tommorrow its exercise every morning,,,and eating the best
that I can, no stress eating, no picking...full focus on this body of
mine...I would like to lose ten pounds..I know, impossible. But five and
some more inches will make me proud...stick with me friends, I need you
all now more then ever....see ya all tommorrow
Nov2,1998
Hi friends..well off to a good start, did my firm tape, only 20
minutes,seems like you take three days off, and its so hard to get
to the point you were at..so Im okay about it, and at least I did it.
I am determined, and no matter how stressed I get...I will succeed.
I have to go put a deposit on the flowers, and just the thought is
making me flip again,I have no idea why...just my nerves are on the
edge..still waiting for the sky to fall in...sometimes I say,"why is
this taking so long?? I know its going happen, so come on and do it.."
I hope one day, I will never have to think like that again...that I
can truly believe that I deserve all the happiness and joy that can
be attained..all I can say friends is that I am working on it...
Sometimes, I think I have it beat...and then on days like today, I realize
that I still have so many battles to fight...see ya all tommorrow
Nov3,1998 Hiya friends..real bad night last night, and I am so ashamed
to admit that I was a pig..had about ten little chocolates, and fried
rice for dinner..yeah, I know,not a big deal..but to me, I lost control
and focus. Once I started, I couldnt stop...but I did, and I have to
forgive myself and move on...I woke up this morning with no energy, a
pounding headache, and feeling so crappy...couldnt even exercise, see
what binging does??? Is it worth it??? NO. Went and had my nails done
and got my tan...and still feel like going to sleep...Well, today is a
new day, I will stay focused and remember what this feels like, the next
time I think about stuffing my face...see ya all tommorrow
Nov4,1998
Hiya friends,feeling better today, no binging last night.Rich came home
at dinner time and that always helps. Still at the same weight, just
cant seem to get past this plateau...just another topic to get bridal
over...So this morning, I had my peanutbutter on toast, getting the
protein in,,and was going to exercise, but my friend Skip needed a ride
to work..(dead car) I could not refuse..all I thought about was all those
times that I never had a car, when I was with the ex.Having to get rides
all the time, even to take one of the kids to the dr, I was never allowed
to own a car..so I know that feeling, and Skip, what can I say? Hes a
really great guy, and always fixes my puter:-) Rich is leaving after dinner
and I have tons of mail to catch up on..so, I dont think I will have any
binging moments, and hopefully no "bridal" as well...see you all tommorrow
Nov5,1998
Hiya friends..a real bad morning today,Rich was expecting a small paycheck
this week, it covered his last week of the long haul driving...he only
got in 800 miles..so we knew it would be small,but to my dismay...there
was none!! I have three weeks left, and I am really not sure that next
week is going to be any better. I try and think postitive..but nothing
is working here...of course this would be a binge moment..but I am trying
real hard not to go there. Strength and faith, thats what I need right
now. This wedding has to work out, I have waited too long for this day.
I can go on and on and rant and rave..but will spare you all of that,
just maybe send some prayers this way....see ya all tommorrow
Nov6,1998
Hiya Friends..well it seems that my plateau from hell is past, down
two pounds this morning. 151! Pretty good...two more to get into the 40,s
and then I am just about goal. Now I feel alittle more motivated to get
off my butt and exercise. It is so discouraging when you diet, exercise
every morning and see no movement on the scale...and to see a 2 pound loss,
well I gotta say, maybe it was the chocolate binge, they say sometimes
to eat a little more to get your body out of starvation mode. Well, lets
just see how long I stay at 151..see ya all tommorrow
Nov7,1998
Hiya Friends, not feeling too good today so small post, have a headache,
sore throat and my whole body hurts..not to mention so sleepy, Rich
thinks it is all stress related, and I guess I have to agree...it has
been a major problem since we set the wedding date...so I am resting,
drinking chicken soup and hoping I feel better tommorrow....sorry this
is boring and short...but you know I cant go a day without saying hi to
you all...so, have a good night and see ya all tommorrow
Nov9,1998
Hiya friends..feeling a little better today, went to my neighbors
daughter's bday party yesterday and ate a little too much, so water
day today...drinking tons of it...Rich left out last night and not sure
when he is coming in...we are sorta not getting along too well at this
time, lack of communication, nerves, not sure...but hoping we can work
it out....Kathy is taking me out later, we need a couple of pieces for
the veil and the pearls for my nails...so, maybe that will take the
edge off alittle...we will see, talk to you all tommorrow
Nov10,1998
Hiya friends..Had a real great time with Kathy last night, went shopping
then to a Mexican place to eat...didnt do too much eating, but had a
couple of shots of tequilla and a strawberry margerita...went right to
my head! I havent been exercising..I know..bad. Tommorrow,back to it..
I only have 18 days..and I want to lose five pounds so bad...do you think
I can do it? Not, if I dont get serious...sooooo,I better, huh?
I need some cyber kicks in the butt.....SOS!! see ya all tommorrow
Nov11,1998
Hiya Friends,still didnt get any exercise in, and you know, I just
dont feel like myself, I feel sad, depressed, and just lost. Im not
sure if its pms,"bridal",lack of money, stress..just cant pinpoint it
and I am really hoping that its normal. The real estate people put a
for sale sign at the house..and its not what I wanted to see this morning,
I know its for sale, and I have to deal with the moving again, but not now.
My sister called last night and she is more upset then me that my parents
are not coming to the wedding, and she made such a good point too...
she said that this day might be the very last day that we,(my brother,sister
and me, and all of our children)would be together. Morbid, but true...
life is so unpredicatable. You would think that my parents would want to
be here, to see all of us, we are so scattered all over, this is rare.
I have given up on trying to figure them out, and trying to stop hurting
as well...that might be forever though. Thank God for my sis and bro..
if they couldnt come, I dont think I could deal with it..well I guess
thats it for today, Rich wont be home tonight...on his way to Maine.
Good, though because we need the money...but I miss him. see ya all
tommorrow
Nov12,1998
Hiya friends,well Rich made a pretty good paycheck this week, and that
is a relief..I can go and start buying the food and decorations..and
maybe stop worrying alittle. I havent exercised at all, and I really
should,I think this may help with the stress...just so scattered and
busy all the time. I really have to commit to it and then do it...
my weight wont budge..of course, and I need to try and get some more
inches off...I know, stay calm, deep breaths....see ya all tommorrow
Nov13,1998
Hiya friends...still havent gotten off my butt and worked out...on a roll,
huh? I am so close to binging everyday, and just try and control it.
The stress and pms is driving me over the edge...and I am so afraid
that I am going to binge and never stop. I keep looking at my gown, and
that helps and all the water I drink. It just goes to show you, that it
is a never ending battle, even though I thought that I have conquered
this beast, the instant I feel stressed I want to run to food...at least
I am aware of why, its just trying to fight it all the time. I wont
give up, never. If I have to fight this every single day for the rest
of my life, so be it...Rich is getting into today so that usually helps,and
tonight is my cyber "bridal shower"...the girls from the dieters club
have sent me some presents and tonight we open them in the chat room we have.
Pretty cool, huh? Never had a shower before, so I am pretty excited about
it all. Tell you all about it tomorrow...
Nov15,1998, hiya friends. My puter was sick yesterday and needed
to be fixed all day, so now I am up and running..and have some
great news! I am at my mini goal! 150, yesterday morning....and that
was with bloating and all..I am also happy to announce that Aunt Tilly
is here,(I know, how can you be happy with that?) but my PMS from hell
is gone.....13 more days friends, I want to get the 5 pounds off...
anyway, got lots to do..just wanted to say hi, and see you all tomorrow.
Nov16,1998
Hiya friends.Doing okay, and hey I forgot to mention my cyber shower
and how nice it all was..it amazes me the friendships I have made on
the net, and touches my heart. I got some sexy teddies, and a crystalbell,
and white satin slippers,(cause you know the shoes are gonna hurt)
and a gift certificate, a really neat bath set and a cake platter.
It was really neat for lack of a better word......
Trying to get all these errands done, and I have to say I am doing
pretty good.Making a dent on my list and looks like it all will go
smooth....we hope. As far as my weight loss,havent touched the scale
since the arrival of Aunt Tilly, but I am sticking to my diet, just
cant get to exercise....and hoping that all the running around I do
counts...see ya all tommorow friends.
Nov17,1998
Hiya friends. Another busy day again, nails, tanning, (did my nails
in blue, figured what the hell, go crazy :-)ordering the booze, and
tons to do tomorrow. Almost asked Rich if he wanted to elope today...
Im so nervous. Anyway,hes on his way to Maine tonight, and I know that
it snowing up there, another reason to stress......I need a vacation.
see ya all tomorrow friends.....
Nov18,1998
Hiya Friends, Not doing so good today,Im tired and feel burned out.
I really feel that this wedding is putting us such in a hole, and
maybe we should of just went to the courthouse and got married. Im
afraid of being in a deep hole,by not paying any bills....my mother
called me a couple of days ago all upset because she said that I was
spreading rumors about her and my dad, which is totally untrue. It was
one of my cousins that spread the rumors, and it all had to do with
the sexual abuse, and that garbage, anyway, my dad isnt talking to me.
A week and a half before the wedding,,,,my father cant talk to me. Story
of my life, can never make my parents happy and never will.......
anyway, dont mean to be so downcast and all.....just having a bad day.
see ya all tomorrow friends.
Nov19,1998 Hiya friends, another busy day,doing that, getting that,
needing that,,,,Im tired and want a vacation......Anyway, its almost here, and I cant wait.....I cant wait for the day and I cant wait to
get back to normal again....back into my exercise every morning, cleaning the house, eating right. You know, just normal. I have got
almost all I need for the wedding and I guess after all that stresing
over the money, it all worked out great....so, I have to feel positive
that the wedding will be perfect, and if anything is missing...only I
would know ;-) havent been on the scale.....think I will save that til
Monday.......see ya all tommorow
Nov20,1998
Hiya friends, well I think Im just about done with all the shopping,
now comes all the cooking...Im so tired. For the past few days, Im
even forgetting that I am dieting,,,you know all that nervous eating,
today I am making a real effort, to remember that I want to lose 5 pounds before the wedding, Im not going to weigh til Monday, so we
will see. Lets just hope there isnt a gain.......see ya all tomorrow
Nov21,1998
Great day so far, water heater still on the blink, and oh yeah, my
engine in my car died.....blew a hole right through it. Good thing
Rich was home and I was able to get some errands done with his truck..
but for now, Im without a car....Rich says we will work it all out,
and I believe it, but its one week friends...and of course this would
happen now....anyway, really sticking to my diet, I am so mad at myself for nervous eating...so, lets hope Monday there will be a loss.
see ya all tommorrow friends....
Nov23,1998
Hiya friends, didnt get a chance to write yesterday....just too
many things going on....I have weighed, lost nothing, but still I can
deal with that....at least no gain. Im trying to stay calm, laugh at
the fact that my car's engine has a huge hole in it, that my waterheater is freakin, that my vacuum has decided to quit,,,,and um,
whats in store for today....my dad called me yesterday, it was good to
hear from him, but he still wont come, and I guess I need to get over it. All its doing is tearing me up inside and I cant handle it at this
moment. Rich is up in Maine....and hoping he can get in tommorow night. Im going to Kathy's tonight,,,its the alteration night, and Im
pretty excited about it. Wish I was at 145.....but thats life, huh?
Well Im probably not making any sense, and just rambling here....so
thats my cue to say see ya all tomorrow
Nov24,1998
Hiya friends, got the gown altered last night,and it looks gorgeous!
Kathy,my friend,(for all of you, Kathy is my nailtech/bestfriend)love
you, did a great job. Got all my cooking done, and just moving along here...4 more days! Gotta run,see ya all tomorrow
Nov26,1998
Hiya friends, Happy Thanksgiving.....Rich and I want to Tammy's for
dinner, it was a nice break from all the stress here,(cleaning & decorating) My bro is due in tomorrow morning, and all the madness begins. I am really so nervous........love ya all, see ya tomorrow
Nov28,1998
Morning Friends,,
Well in a few hours I become Mrs.Richard Crawford, went so fast to me..still wish I had another day. Anyway, gotta get in the shower and
get going and all....but had to spend a moment with my friends, and
say "YAHOOOOOOOO, Im finally getting married!!!!!!" see ya tomorrow
friends....
Oct29,1998
Hiya friends,I am now Mrs.Crawford, and loving it :-) The wedding was
gorgeous, it all went perfect, and Richie even bought me lovebirds as a wedding gift, the really neat part was I didnt see them til I turned to face Rich to say our vows..and I said "OOOH, my love birds!!" It was just beautiful...and I love him. See you all tommorrow
my friends.....no more bridal, back to business of dieting, exercising......thanks for being here with me, and Frank and Terri....
without you here, I dont know what I would have done....love you, Lori, I know it was hard for you doing all that driving,but sis, you did it, and I love you........
Nov30,1998
Hiya friends...last day of the month, and what a month....cant say Im glad thats its over though. Its all back to business today, eating right, exercising, all of it. Well exercise today is getting my house back in shape and cleaned....lots of calories burned doing that. I really want to get to 135, and I will do it.....Im still at 150, and its no surprise, one day no eating, next eating too much....back and forth wrecking all kinds off havoc on my body, not to mention the stress......well, tommorrow a new month, a new page....and be a little patient with me on the wedding pics, going to take a bit, but will get them up as soon as I can......love ya all
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