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December
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Dec2,1998, hiya friends, working on the page here and its fighting me.
bear with me...
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| Dec5,1998
Hiya Friends,One week aniversary to me and Rich! One week today.Last
night we went out to celebrate our neighbors birthday and our big one week aniversary... great night and had a great time. Got to get back on track though,still holding on to that extra 2 pounds... hate it, but its my fault,cant blame anyone else. I really want to fit in that beautiful black dress that Rich bought me 7 Christmas's ago. Its still too tight but I will get in it... see ya all tomorrow (just realized I lost yesterday's entry... I gained 2 pounds since the wedding :-(
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| Dec6,1998
Hi Friends, some pretty good news, Im down a pound this morning....
at least now Im up one and down one... really want to get out of the
50's and make my goal... but I know its up to me and only me to get into a good exercise routine again and eating right. Besdies that,Rich is leaving out tonight and all is back to normal... boring,huh? see ya tommorow
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| Dec7,1998
Hi friends,some more good news, back to 150 this morning, the after
wedding pounds are gone. Bad news, still feel like a lump of clay... just cant get into an exercise routine... and I am so stressed out.
Stressed that I cant get motivated, stressed over money, Christmas,
Rich's job and everything... I really hate when I get like this, I get mad at myself... maybe its just pms. see ya all tommorow
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Dec8,1998
Hiya Friends, Still no exercise :( but I did run around all morning,
and hoping that helps. I really think that if I didnt have to help out Tami with the kids (we went to Walmart for their Christmas pics)
and then come home and run around cleaning,I have some people for dinner, I might of got some real exercise in. Rich is leaving out after dinner and hopefully will be home tommorrow night. Other then that I am doing pretty good with the eating, no chocolate! I hope that tommorrow I say, Hey I got off my butt and exercised!!!!!!!!
see ya tommorrow
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Dec9,1998Hiya friends,Another lazy day, and feeling so very bad about myself today, I know that pms has something to do with it... it makes the smallest things seem like an earth shattering event... but to me, not being able to get motivated to exercise, its pretty earth shattering not to mention dissapointing. The weight is staying the same, and I am eating pretty good, I even had some tight jeans fit me better! Though, I need to get my head clear, focused on what I want, that is a better, leaner and more in shape body..which is going to take some serious work... wish me luck friends, I need it... see ya tommorrow
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| Dec10,1998
Hiya friends. Still no exercise... I really think I am just so tired from all the stress that I had before the wedding, and its just all catching up with me now.It has to be it. I am doing good with my eating, and even find that my clothes are looser. I go to the dr the day after Christmas, Im going to see if he can put me on some stronger meds, I feel that my anxiety is starting to get out of control... and leaves me wiped out, therefore no desire to exercise and take care of myself. This is not going to get me friends... look of all that I have beaten so far... I will win this battle too... see you all tommorrow
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| Dec11,1998
Hi friends, not doing too much better today, I am so tired mentally
and physically,have no drive and would love to stay in bed all day... It feels like depression again. Maybe I need to get to the dr sooner then the day after Christmas. Rich and I were supposed to go to his Christmas Party tonight in Allentown, which is two hours away... dont look like we are going to get there, he would have to be home now. Kinda stinks, I was really looking forward to it... oh well, have a great day all and see you tommorrow
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| Dec13,1998
Hi friends,didnt get a chance to post yesterday, Rich and I were busy all day getting the tree and other errands... we got it all up, and do you believe that it fell down?????? Thank god I didnt lose anything dear, just cheapo ornaments. We also had a long talk about my anxiety returning as well as my bouts of depression... I will have to talk to the dr about it, and see what he can do with my meds. I still have to wonder though if its just the post wedding blues, pre xmas blues...? I always wonder why is it that this time of year gets us so stressed, depressed? I have been eating poorly as well, too much chocolate, cookies, and just junk. Though I have made a descion that tomorrow its over... its back to exercise, eating right. I have worked too hard for this, to let it all go... My dad called yesterday to tell me that him and mom are making a special
trip to Brooklyn to see my grandmother for xmas... mmmmmm, guess my
wedding wasnt a special event. Anyway, I was given the guilt,ya know
that I should be there,you never know what next year will bring?????
sound familiar? Oh I hate bitterness... see ya all monday friends.
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| Dec14,1998
Hiya friends, well a real fast day today... I upped my meds to see if
that would help my anxiety any, and it sure did... made me so calm and
tired that I couldnt even get up out of bed. Though I did manage to
do my cleaning with the weights,I wish I didnt feel so tired all the
time... still hanging on to 150, and really hoping that my body is not too comfortable at this weight. I really want to get to 135, and going to keep going,trying, whatever to get there... Had some pretty exciting news today, my friend Mary (MaryKay rep and a really good friend) has asked me if I want to be a partner with her at two hotel contracts she just got!!!!! I love make up, and what a great opportunity! Of course I have to talk it over with Mr Crawford...(love it) but I am pretty excited about it all. He had to leave last night, might not see him til Weds, though we need the money coming in. Kinda stinks, we never had that "honeymoon"... at this point I will settle for a day or two in the truck. Well, have a great day friends and see ya all Tuesday.
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| Dec15,1998
Hiya friends, Having a better day then yesterday, feeling alittle more
energtic and just maybe my "click" is coming back... Didnt do a full
exercise routine but trying to be as active as I can,and I think I saw
the scale go a tad under 150...!!!! Could be friends, that this plateau
is going to end... keeping my fingers crossed. Tonight is Keith's
Christmas concert and Rich is trying real hard to get here... what a
guy (huh?) Other then that, I have been hearing some hurtful things
being said about me by a very good friend, and I have to say... it
hurts. Though, I am going to be the better person here, and not respond
to it... I dont want to talk too much about it at this time... but
probably will in later entries... love ya all and see you wens
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| Dec16,1998
Hiya friends, What a great day!!! First of all, I have finally broken that nasty
plateau!!!!! Thats right,149 this morning!!!! Secondly, I went to lunch with
my friend Mary, and I have my very first job! Its at Skytop, a very fancy
hotel on NewYears Eve, its in the afternoon, 2-3, but I am so excited.
I wanted a job for so very long, and this fits me to a tee... I love
make-up, making women feel the best they can, and hey I will make 50%
of all sales......you cant beat that. After that I will be working at
another hotel, thats only a mile from here...and its going to be all
mine!!!!!!!Can U tell Im excited??? Cant wait to talk to Rich tonight... hope he's going to be supportive, though I think he will... let u all know tommorow...
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| Dec17,1998
Hiya friends, Well I talked to Rich last night and he says "Go for it"
about the job... so wish me the best friends... I think I am going to
be good at this and the future is looking up... still feeling kinda
tired, though I think once I get past Christmas it will pass. I am feeling more confident about reaching goal weight, making this new job work and feeling better about myself. I keep thinking what my New Years resolution should be... and I think its going to be to keep liking me. Pretty easy,huh? Not really... anyway,talk to you all Friday.
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| Dec18,1998
Hiya friends, I lost another pound!!!!! Do you believe this?????? Down
to 148! I dont know what I am doing, but its working. I feel great, and
I am going to make 145, my next mini goal! I only got a few minutes, my
daughter Annie has her Christmas concert tonight, and she has a solo!
Pretty cool, huh? She has a great voice, not sure where she got it from,
certainly not me.....anyway, tommorrow I sign my contract with MaryKay
and will be offically an agent! That means New Years Eve I will make
my very first paycheck. Rich says to spend it on clothes....I think its
a pretty good idea....well, gotta run see ya all tommorrow
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| Dec19,1998
Hiya friends, well still waiting for my friend Mary to stop by so I can
sign my contract. I have to say Im a little bit nervous about it all..
sometimes I still have that little nag inside of me that says you can
never do anything right or suceed....why? I can only say that everyonce
in awhile the past and all that is associated with it just comes back to haunt.
I wish I had a magic wand to make it all go away.....anyway, my mom
left a message on my answering machine last night about Christmas and
going to Brooklyn, I havent responded since she asked...and she didnt
sound too happy......now I am wondering should we go? Or should I not.
To not go, I would feel like I was being a real brat....you know, getting
even kinda tactic.....but the truth of the matter is that I dont want
to go simply because I am still hurt, and really dont want to see them.
I guess I have a few days to think about here.........talk to all tommorrow
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| Dec20,1998
Hiya friends, Not having such a great day today. Rich and I are
not getting along, my mom is mad at me....(well I think she is, she
called while I was a little busy, and couldnt even wait 5 minutes
til I got to the phone, wouldnt even talk to my son, know shes mad)
I think I have to call Mary tommorrow and cancel the MaryKay for now,
I just cant afford it....she is going to be so dissapointed......but for
now, I just cant do it.......gotta make dinner, see ya all later
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| Dec21,1998
Hiya friends, I lost another pound! I am now down to 147, this is good,
and I am really hoping that I can fit into that black dress for Christmas
Eve,(you know the one that Rich bought me 7 years ago) Anyway, Rich
and I have talked some, and he was really feeling sick and all......so
thats alot of the "not getting along" As far as the Mary Kay, I still
havent made the call, and am debating here on the issue.....Rich will
get upset if I do.....but then I might feel guilty if I go for it and
it doesnt work out......oh well, not going to bore you with my ever constant
ping pong thoughts......see ya all tommorrow
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| Dec22,1998
Hiya friends, well the big rush is on for getting all the rest of the
Christmas presents, not much this year......but enough. Anyway, I have
decided to go on with Mary Kay (I can do this....)I may have my first gig
on Christmas Eve night....so kinda looking forward to it.....besides that,
I am doing well with the eating and moving around (exercise...)and praying
that black dress fits......will let U all know. Rich has his last run tonight
and then he is home for the rest of the weekend. So talk to you all
tommorrow
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| Dec23,1998
Hiya friends,I have lost another pound this morning!!! Down to 146, which
leaves me only one more pound to my mini goal of 145.....and ten for the
ultimate goal.....man, I do not know how this is happenening, but HEY,
its great!! Being that all else isnt going that great....my daughter wants
to go live with her dad....(she hates me today) and Rich and I havent
been communicating that well..and I think I may have lost a pretty good
friend,(still dont want to talk about it)......so, hanging in there,
and talk to you all tommorrow
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| Dec25,1998
Merry Christmas my friends.........just want to wish you a very safe
and happy holiday, and to let you all know that the dress fit!!!!! It
was even loose.....:-) see ya all after xmas, love you all
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| Dec26,1998
Hiya Friends, hope you all had a safe and happy holiday. Ours was pretty
quiet, kids went with their dad, and I was kinda sick...so we just hung
out and got some Chinese food. Even though I had a cold, didnt stop
me from eating.....dont even want to get near the scale, with Christmas
Eve at Tami's my neighbor and all the junk I ate yesterday...Im sure
I put on a few pounds here.......so now one more holiday to get through
and its back to business.....have a great day and see ya all tommorrow..
this is boring, huh? I should tell you all last night, Tami called in a panic....
she had lost one of the diamonds from her brand new diamond earrings that
her hubby bought her....so she has Rich come over and try and find it in
her bathroom.....(meanwhile never telling how she did it) so, after
3 vacuum bags, Rich found it.......then we found out the truth! She
was scratching the diamond on her bathroom mirror to make sure they were
real.....:-)
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| Dec27,1998
Hiya Friends, had a crappy day you can say....Rich and I had a fight...
hes mad at me and hurt. Keith was supposed to go with him, and then I
guess he got so angry that he just left without him......and everything
is so unsettled and angry, tensed. I dont know what is going on with us,
we waited 7 years to get married, and it seems like we are fighting more
then ever.....a very depressing day, and looks like evening. Hate this.
Tommorrow I go to the dr, get weighed, go over my meds.....all that fun
stuff, and I guess I have to tell the dr that I am acting too stressed,
well according to Rich I am........anyway, will let you all know, see
you all tommorrow
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| Dec28,1998
Another bad day. Today is our first month aniversary, and I feel so
bad about us not getting along.....Its alot my fault, and I will admit
to that...I am just selfish at times, and dont think of his feeling's as
much as I should. I have to change that. Anyway, I was supposed to go
to the dr's today and made a new appt. I had too much junk yesterday, and
I was afraid to go and have the scale move up....I know, stupid, especially
since last visit I had a loss.....well, I go Saturday. Hope that Rich
can get home tonight.....I need to be with him. see ya all tommorrow
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Dec29,1998
Hiya friends, finally got some snow. Not a lot, just enough to make it
messy outside and unsafe to drive...Rich still didnt make it home, and not
sure when he will, he still has a Boston/Maine run for Wens and Thurs.
so we will see.....I am feeling down and out today, quite depressed
over the situation between us, and just have this lousy cold....anyway
I noticed my sister Lori finally made it to my journal, and signed my
guest book......Thanks Lori, love ya. see ya all tomorrow
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Dec30,1998
Hiya friends, we got around 4 inches through the night, and more expected through
on til the weekend.....not too good with Rich headed to Maine for tomorrow morning.....
I hope he can get home for New Years.....anyway, not much else to report, I do my
Mary Kay gig tomorrow at the hotel.....wish me luck. Havent weighed in,figured I
will on Saturday at the dr.....maybe there will be a loss. see ya all later
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Dec31,1998
Hiya friends,Well, my MaryKay gig got cancelled....seems like there is
not too many people at the hotel due to the weather, so my partner who
is also pregnant and not feeling too well, decided that it would be best
to cancel.....I am so dissapointed. Anyway, Rich left Maine this morning,
so I think he will be home for the New Year.....wish we were going out.....
Gee, I am in a great mood.......must be pms time. So, before I start
ranting.....Happy New Years everyone.....have a safe and happy one, and
hey see ya next year......
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