My Life, my diet, my marriage, my hell......and dealing with it all

My name is Rose Crawford, I started this journal of May of 98, I was happy, had a great man that I later married..but I had problems, very overweight, I was sexually abused as a child, raped, and dealt with depression, anxiety, and domestic violence and emotional abuse. Sounds like alot huh? Well I did lose a hundred pounds, gained some back.....(dont we all?) got treatment for my depression, although its still with me alot, the ghosts of the past..and now the present. I married that "knight in shining armor" on November28, 1998 after living together for 7 years......I was patient. He was all that I wanted, he loved me, he took care of me, never did I feel love like that......I still had problems, didnt realize how controlling he was and then we had the emotional abuse, though what do they say?????? Love is blind. Today is July 20th, 2000. I just turned 39 yesterday my husband and I are divorcing, he "allegedly" raped and molested my little girl for 4 years, and my little boy is in a mental hospital because he wanted to kill himself after the disclosure that he was also "allegedly raped".......my babies. My husband was arrested, and bailed and we are now in the process of pre trials and all that stupid garbage. I am still fighting my depression, my sanity and also for the strength that I need to go through this nightmare..... thank you for my readers over the past two years, and thanks for all that are new.......we all have secrets, we all have pain, nightmares, pasts that never seem to leave......but we have this, the abilty to write and share and reach out..It doesnt just happen to you, there is so many of us out there. I am one of them.

rosered2001@yahoo.com

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