August1,1998
Hi friends,Not having such a good day today.I actually lost a pound,
hopefully this plateau is breaking. I am now at the mini goal of 180..
next goal 175. I celebrated my daughters birthday last night, and I got
her this chocolate cake with oreo buttercream frosting (could you just
die?) Anyway I had three little bites and pushed the plate away, pretty
good huh? I would like to share a poem with you all, my daughter gave to
me a little while ago, she wanted to honor me for giving birth to her,
said it was my special day too. Here it is
MOM
Today is our 13th year
Yes, its finally here
Our bond goes unbroken
Its certainly not unspoken
Of how I love you, so dear
Today makes 13 snows
Just goes to show
We'll be together forever
Mom, we sure are clever
We have a love nobody knows
Mom, I didnt have a clue
of how I almost blew
that love from you to me
Now that I see
I want to give that love back to you
Written by Andrea Rose Mayer
with that my friends I say goodnight
August2,1998
Morning Friends, I figured I would post early today since we are going
to the lake to fish. We are going with Tammy and Willie (our neighbors)
and their two kids. Mine are spending the day with the ex....
Anyway,still not much of an appetite..and my back is still sore.
Im just looking foward to laying in the sun,yes I know its bad,but
what isn't anymore? Rich leaves out tommorow around four in the morning,
so another short weekend. Hope you all have a great Sunday....
August3, 1998
Hi Friends, not such a good day so far...I am again letting my husband
down on how I deal with the kids. I try and do the best that I can, I
really started seeing improvment...but once again I messed up.....
I think there is no light at the end of this tunnel..no hope to ever
seeing a happy family. I try and think...what have I done?? Did I ever
do something so horrible that this is my punishment?? I know this sounds
so depressing and hopeless...but that is how I feel.
Im not looking for the Brady Bunch here...but at least a happy
home where we can do things together as a family,love and respect each
other, celebrate life and other happy occasions...it just seems like
its just a dream to have that...I think Im at the end of my rope...
August4,1998
Hi friends, sorry about such a depressing entry yesterday. Life, its
such a roller coaster ride. I will have a happy family, just have to work
harder at it. Like I do with my weight, need to work harder at it.I
hardly been exercising at all..my back is sore still, but thats no
excuse. I will lose the weight and be all flab unless I start moving..
I need Richard!!! Okay, tommorow I will get off my butt and get sweating,
I need it.To all my friends that have written me to show me support
with my problems, you are all such a blessing. I dont know what I would
do without you all, and to all of you from the dietclub, I love you
all. To one very special friend, hoping she made it here today....I will
always be here for you...be strong.
Til tommorow my friends...oh just a note, I guess you noticed I added all
the midis in, I am going to get the little box on the page, so you can
shut it off if it drives you crazy.....all the songs I picked mean alot
to me,hey at least it isnt Led Zeppelin.....:-)
August5,1998
Hi friends, well I did not get any exercise done,except for shopping
with my neighbor,,well we did go to three different stores! This is
bad, I really need some motivation to get up and go. I feel okay, still
not much of an appetite, but Im not dragging. Just cant motivate myself
to exercise steady. Maybe I should study my cellulite more carefully..
that should be motivation! Talked to my Aunt this morning, she is still
on Long Island, and I miss her so much. I have stayed away from the family
for so long now.When you are a small child and that is done to you, you feel so ashamed
you feel like everyone can see right through you. Like they all know.
So I made myself very scarce from them, and I miss them so. She is my
favorite aunt, so beautiful,even at 50 she still is very beautiful.
Shes the type of woman that oozes class,femininity,love. I miss
her and hopefully by that call this morning,we can start to have a
relationship. We exchanged e mail addresses...I hope so. Its just not fair
that I had to suffer all these years, and HE never suffered a day. HE
still goes to all the family weddings, parties, reunions,while I suffer
in silence and miss my family so much.Well life goes on, and hopefully
I can gain her respect and love again. Til tommorow my friends
August6,1998
Hi friends..well a pretty wonderful thing happened today, my husband
stopped in on his way to Ma for tommorrow, and he wants to take Annie!
Thats Andrea, Annie is my nickname for her, I used to call her annie
fannie when she was small..kinda stuck! I do believe we can get back
on track! Also, he wants to take Keith next week, and go to the fair
over the weekend!! Im so happy...Last night I was thinking about my
grandmother who I miss so very much.I loved her with all my heart...
but as a teenager when I went to college,I quit. I never felt that I
could suceed. Sexual abuse does that to you. Anyway Grandma was so proud of me for going to college, I was
the first grandchild to go. After I quit, she wanted to see me,I was
so afraid because I felt that I dissapointed her....she passed away
two weeks later. I have never forgiven myself, and last night while I
was crying in my pillow..I kept saying I miss you so much Grandma,I need
you..over and over. I finally fell asleep..and this morning everything
got better, my family is putting back the pieces...strange, but I have
to think, was it grandma sending me a hug?? I am going make a page for
her...and write all my favorite memories of this wonderful woman. I was
named after her, and I know how very much she loved me. I was always
her favorite....so with this my friends I say goodnight.Love you all.
August7,1998
Hi Friends, not feeling too good today, Rich and Annie are on
their way back,should be home around 6 or 7. Rich said they had a
really nice talk and everything went well. Hes only home til Sunday
morning and then on to South Carolina for Mon. Hes taking Keith with
him..so its another girls week! Diet is going well, I mean Im hardly
eating...I got to get to the dr and see whats up with this. I wonder
if its the meds Im on...Im really going to wreck my metobolism big
time if this keeps up. I have started working on grandmas page, and
I have a great idea, she is the "rose" of my life, and not only do
I want to dedicate the page to her, but to all the "roses" of our life.
So Im asking you, my readers, my friends, please send me a little
memory, poem, story, of the "rose" of your life. I think it will be
beautiful, and I hope you all will join me in this....either it be a
mom,sister, best friend,anyone that you admired, taught you a valuable
life lesson...gave you courage and strength, and most of all, love.
So Im counting on all of you. See you tommorow my friends
August8,1998
Hi Friends...had a good day today,made my new page for grandma,ate well
and now off to the fair to walk off dinner! :-) Please give me strength
to stay away from those funnel cakes!I'll do good, come so far already,
nothing is going stop me. Anyway, you all have a great day and see you
tommorow.
August9,1998
Hi Friends..well I went to the fair last night, wall to wall people..
but not too bad. And YES, I stayed away from the funnel cakes!!!!!
I was a very good girl...Change of plans, Annie is going with Rich on
the big red beast...Keith has got himself in trouble, and is sentenced
to a week of hard labor with mama.....Had to get new speakers today for
my pc, did I mention that I just bought this in Nov??? Anyway, tommorow
I plan on getting back to an exercise routine, and trying to eat a little
more, Im going try and trick my metobolism into overdrive...So back
to my buddy Richard Simmons, whining and all...Jane Fonda with her
perfect size 2 body and of course the air glider.Well have a good day
my friends, and I will see you all tommorow..
By the way, we ran into my landlords at the fair, and they walked right
pass me....(did not even recognize me. :-)
August10,1998
Hi Friends, well another 2 pounds gone forever, I am now down to 177..
2 more to go to the mini goal of 175. And I may further add, that I got
off my butt today and moved...It was 5 hours of scrubbing, washing,
mopping, dusting....I know its only housework, but hey it burns.....
Later, I will get on the airglider. Its so humid today, its like a
sauna....hopefully I sweated the other 2 pounds off!! (If only it was
that easy)feeling alot better today, that nasty sinus headache is gone,
and I feel good that I got back my "click" to exercise again. I hope
my back doesnt hurt later, but Im sure it will....tough! Im going keep
on exercising....hope you all have a great day, and see you tommorow
August11,1998
Hi friends, Im happy to annouce that Richard Simmons and I are no
longer estranged!!!We have reunited this morning with a 35 minute
sweaty Disco Sweat! I even used my leg weights...Im on a roll friends.
I feel great! I also was able to fit into this real pretty long summery
dress, that I havent worn forever,not only did it fit, its loose!!!!
Its a very good day. Yesterday I recieved an email from one of my cousins,
and it touched me so much. I havent seen her in years, and now we are
writing to each other. Grandma must have something to do with this....
anyway my cousin has a weight problem, and I felt so bad...she was
so disgraced about the way she looked. I could only write and tell her
that the scale means nothing!!! Its just a weight, she is a wonderful
person, and no matter what we weigh we should be proud of who we are...
I am going be her diet buddy, she needs me as much as I need her....
Rich and Annie are on their way to Oklahoma City, and Annie is having
a great time...she wants to see the park that they have for the
victims of the bombing. She'll probably cry her heart out....shes just
like me. Stay strong all and see you tommorow.
August12,1998
Hi Friends...well this morning I had my session with Jane Fonda,50 min.
of aerobics with weights, and upper body weight training. I feel pretty
good...what a high you get from exercise, I love the results, and I love
the feeling afterwards. Appetite is still not that great...but I am
going to the dr next week, and I will be sure to discuss this with him.
Annie and Rich called last night from Nashville, Annie is flirting with
all the truckers on the cb,,,(just like mom :-) Rich was late for the
first delivery to South Carolina, and he was told because of that he
will not recieve this quarters bonus. Im not going rant and rave, I will
stay calm,,,but I hate trucking companies...not only do they keep you
out forever, but they take any incentive away with the slightest mistake.
The job they have is so hard, I do believe one day you will need a
college degree to be a driver. Anyway, I told him it doesnt matter,
I still love him, bonus or no bonus.....so my friends, have a great
day, stay strong and see you all tommorow.
August13,1998
Hi Friends,its been a very good day!! Where to start?? Okay, the scale
gods have smiled upon me, and I have dropped down to 174!!!!3 more pounds
gone forever, had a wonderful sweaty session with Richard, 40 minutes
with the leg weights,,,one day I hope to kick like Emma Peel....LOL
its so funny, I do the disco sweat, and when I was a teenager and
thought I was so cool (Andrea, my darling daughter, when you read this,
yes Mom thought she was cool too :-), it passes) Anyway, I hated disco
now I love it!! "Burn baby burn"...everytime Saturday Night Fever is on
I have to watch it!!! Annie likes it too. Now to the other good news...
as Rich lost his bonus, I got one..its only from the credit card, but
its unexpected....so Im off to buy a scanner and I will put all my
pictures in..Its the all American thing to do, isnt it....get more
in debt, but I have to get this scanner!! So be strong all, have a
great day......love you all
August14,1998
Hi Friends, well I am in a very "groovy" mood today, my neighbors
husband just called me and told me he got me and his wife tickets to
the Woodstock reunion up here. Its in Bethel, NY the original site and
we are only a half hour or so away...I am so pysched!!! I was just 8 when
the original Woodstock went on, but I do love the music....I have no
idea whos going be there,of course one of my favorites Janis Joplin
cant be,,,but Im sure Im going have a great time!! A day without the
kids at a great concert! I did a session with Richard this morning, but
I used Sweating to the oldies...had to get in the mood, not much music
from Woodstock, except for Steppenwolf and I think The Beach Boys??
Not sure on them....it was a very good workout anyway....my scanner
is supposed to come in today...Im going drive you guys nuts with all
the pics I put in LOL, a new toy. Its going take awhile to get pics,
so hang tight friends....so off to get the tied tyed teeshirt and love
beads,,,,love, peace, see you all tommorow
August15,1998
Hi friends, hope you all are having a good weekend. So far today has
gone rather well...only ate once today and its 5:30pm...I just dont
know where my appetite has gone. Anyway Im working Monday for my friend
Kathy at her nail shop, so this morning I went down and went over all
the "what to do,and how to run it" stuff. then of course I got my
manicure...got all these new charms, since Im in that "groovy" mood....
LOL,Rich and Annie called yesterday from Arkansas, all sunburned from
a day at the water park...they should be in Sunday night after a drop
off in Philly. Then hopefully he will stay home til Wen. Anyway, thats
all folks...Im now off to find the missing link image from my homepage.
I wonder, I never touched it...where did it go??? I will let all know
tommorow how the Woodstock concert went, that is if I survive.....
August16,1998
Hi friends...I went, it was hot, I burned, I survived!LOL..what a long
day...first of all, my neighbors husband had to drop us off around 4 miles
away from the concert site...so I got some exercise...up the hills,
down the hills..I must of drank 100 ounces of water,,,and friends, can
we talk about porta potties??? GROSS, I also had a banana and an orange.
Thats it...pretty good. Then of course the trip back to meet our ride,
another 4 miles...and the heat!! Im not eighteen anymore, thats for sure..
Anyway, I plan on scanning our picture holding our tickets, and the
program, and the ticket stub....told you all I was going drive you nuts....
Im fried friends, and I have to work at the nail salon tommorow....
see ya all later...
August17,1998
Hi Friends...well I worked today at the nail salon,actually felt like a
working girl, and I may add it felt good! Rich came in this morning..
and tonight we are going with my neighbors to see Halloween H20 at the
driveins, looking foward to it, love those scary movies. My brand new
scanner has decided that it doesnt want to work...isnt that nice?? I
probably cant get anyone here til tommorow either, stinks. I will get those
photos up soon, I promise. Stayed the same on the scale this morning,
you would think with all that walking and sweating I did yesterday at
the concert,,,I would have lost 10 pounds! I know its that I am getting
closer to my goal, and Im going slow down, but no worries...I will
just keep going...I will suceed!!!!! Love ya all.
August18,1998
Hi friends...well the scanner is behaving now, so soon there will be
a photo album!! Cant wait.I starting scanning some pictures, and then
its setting them all up, which of course will take some time. Last night
the movies were closed due to the rain, so we headed out to the local
dive in town and had a real good time. I had two shots of tequilla that
I havent had in ages...so of course it went right to my head,,,but it
was fun. We played pool and listened to the jukebox til around 1am.
Still want to see that movie though...Other then that, weight still
hasnt budged and I am definitely on a plateau, but it will pass. Computer
school starts next Monday, and I will finally learn how to master this
big paper weight..looking forward to that and oh yeah 2 more weeks til
the rugrats go back to school(YIPPIE!!!!) you ever see that commercial
for Staples, with the guy running through the store picking out the
school supplies??The music in the background is "The most wonderful time
of the year"...yep thats me! See ya all tommorrow
August19,1998
Hi friends, well a real long day today,getting the car inspected,food
shopping,memory card shopping so my scanner will run better..no exercise
today, just running around the stores, and my weight still wont budge.
But Rich is still home...so everythings okay. Tommorow he's leaving
again, but its been a real nice three days. Bought a toe ring today, I
dont know whats going on with me??? I have charms hanging from my nails,
rings through my nails, and now a toe ring....can only wonder whats
next??? See ya all tommorrow friends.
August20,1998
Hi friends, well Rich just left...hate it! He probably wont be back til
next weekend. We had a good day today, just hung out at the lake while
him and the kids fished...I hung out in my chair, and did damage to my
skin...felt great! Now tommorow its back to business, exercise(I miss
Richard) and drinking tons of water. My weight still wont let go....
nows it bugging me. I know Im in starvation mode, still not much of an
appetite..(I really think its the meds)but I need to see a drop soon!
I made a new friend today, I met her at the fair. She had a Mary Kay
booth all set up and I just had to stop and chat...I love makeup! Anyway
I gave her my number and she called me today, and we talked for a hour!
We had so much in common, and yes of course I am going have a party....
great deal, free facial and it seems like a great time. I used to sell
lingerie on the Island, and I did the house parties..it was great!
Anyway, we live pretty close to each other and it seems like we are
going to get together, ya know movies, chatting...Im really happy that
she called. Well gotta check on the mail and catch up with that...see
ya all tommorow
August21,1998
Hi friends, well today did start out okay, I lost another two pounds
and I am now down to 172,I finally broke the plateau. I also got together
with Richard and had a very good workout. Everything was fine til I opened
my mail, there was an email from my cousin, and she started talking
about my uncle and how everyone has 25 different versions on the story..
First of all, when I told my mom and dad three years ago about the
sexual abuse I was on the verge of a mental breakdown, and I needed
to CONFIDE in my parents....I didnt want revenge or the whole entire
family told...well mom had to tell everyone and now even my cousins know.
I am so heartbroken and devasted, its like any wound that has started
closing has just been ripped wide open.....I can never face anyone in my
family again, I might as well just crawl in a hole and never come back..
I know that sounds dumb, but I know everyone thinks Im a liar and a
trouble maker...I need Rich and hes on his way 1000 miles away......
I will see you all tommorow my friends...
August22,1998
Hi friends, first let me say thank you to all of you that have sent
me supportive and loving letters...you have no idea what that has meant
to me on a very dark day. I binged last night, I was so torn up inside
that I couldnt control it, and you know what? I got MAD!!! I wasnt mad
at what I ate, but I was mad that I ate for comfort..for soothing. I am
so mad that once again, I have self abused my body over this.NO MORE!!
This is it, I will never again abuse my body and soul over this matter.
Its over, the walls are up and no one will hurt me again. I dont care
what the family thinks, I dont care how many versions they have...strange
though...they never asked for mine. I dont care if they keep their heads
in the sand forever. I know what happened, HE knows what happened and
God knows. I am a strong woman and this has passed, no longer will
I be tormented and haunted by this matter. I was not to blame, did
nothing wrong and did not betray anyone....Today, I feel better, the
letters of support and my anger have helped me through this. I will
suceed in losing the rest of the weight, and I will learn to love myself
for the very special woman that I am. Today I have cleasned my body of
the binge, and cleasned my mind of this damn torment and self punishment.
I will succeed! I will leave you with a thought that was sent my way
from one of my very supportive readers.....
"A woman is like tea, you never know how strong she will be til you
drop her in hot water" Thank you Trina....love to all of you
August23,1998
Hi friends, having a very lazy quiet Sunday,the kids were picked up by the
ex,Rich isnt home...so just hanging out. Kinda tired I guess from all
the stress I put on myself, but like I said its behind me now. Im eating
good, and tommorow I have a morning date with Richard, so everything is
back to normal.I start my puter classes tommorow night too...looking
forward to that. Gee, Im boring today, sorry friends...see ya all
tommorow.
August24,1998
Hi friends...okay, I know your all waiting for the photos..Im working
on it..I got the page up, its just getting the scanner to work for me..
I have talked with it, pleaded with it...just wants to work when Rich
is home...please be patient. I also dont have an after pic, my neighbor
just informed me that she still has to use the rest of the film, to
get that Woodstock ticket developed. I will get it up, I promise. Okay
this morning I did thirty minutes with Miss Jane with weights, I wanted
to do more but this humidity stinks. Other then that, diet is going
well...and I dont feel any danger of a binge coming on. Seven more days
til the kids go back to school!!!!!!!! YIPPPPEEEEEEE, no Im not excited
about it, not me. :-) see ya all tommorow friends....
August25,1998
Hi Friends..well today is just one of those days. Lets see, the dehumidifier
broke, one of the kitchen chairs broke, there is a lice breakout
in the neighborhood...with school just a week away! JOY! The scanner
is not working at all, and now I have the pay the wonderful tech money
again to fix it...I should just give him my mastercard. Rich has no idea
when he will home...and of course to top it all off, hes mad at me
again....it never stops, does it? Well I lost another pound,so Im down to
171...two more to go to get into the 60s...that should make me feel
better. NOT. I went to school last night, well its at the pc shop where
I buy all my software,hardware, etc..anyway, it was okay,I learned
a couple of new tricks...looking forward to learning more. I got in
10 minutes of Richard before I got my phone call from Rich...and that
ruined all. Though I will keep it together, hey Im a truckers wife....
we are supposed to be made out of steel...and know how to fix everything,
pay the bills, take care of the kids....and oh yeah, look beautiful too!
Which Im working on.....I need a vaction, a real vacation,you know....
the kind where you are on a beach and being served by a waiter with
your strawberry daquaris, where the sunset is a vision from God, and
no kids, people, telephones, tvs, pcs....just you and your honey...
Okay enough of that foolishness. see ya all tommorrow friends....
August27.1998
Hi friends...didnt get to post yesterday, one of those days....Rich
had to drive through NC, and I was quite nervous about that, but I am
happy to announce that he didnt get close to Bonnie, and hes just fine.
My neighbors car broke down, and I have let them borrow mine til they
get a new one, but my neighbor has decided to give me a list on what she
needs to do everyday...its like HELLO, I need my car too...she even had
the nerve to ask me to cancel the kids dentist appointment, because she
needed to do something...some people,your nice, and they go totally
overboard. I was under the assumption that it was for her husband to get
back and forth every night to work, and go to the supermarket so she can
get food....not an everyday itemized list. Thats my problem, Im such
a doormat sometimes...I go out of my way to be kind and help others, and
they just take advantage.Okay, next topic...went to computer school last
night, pretty good. Still havent learned all that much that I havent
learned already, so Im just hoping it gets a little more intense.
Still at 171, but thats good...2 more, and Im in the 60s! Anyway off
to self torture with Jane, and then I think Im going lay out in the sun,
its so nice today. See ya all tommorrow
August28,1998
Hi friends, well I lost another pound!!! Down to 170!Im getting there,and
it feels good! Rich surprised me this morning and came home this morning.
I have him til Sunday afternoon...love it. Other then that everything
is fine,tommorrow is GOING BACK TO SCHOOL SHOPPING...which Im very happy
about...so all in all, a very good day. See ya all later
August29,1998
Hi friends, just got back from school shopping, another 400 dollars on
card...JOY. Though they are ready and I cant wait!! I had to get a new
keyboard today, this time it wasnt due to Packard Hell..it was coffee!
Though, I got the new one for 5 bucks, it was used..but it works great.
I met a neighbor today, that I have never seen before..and she was walking
with her headphones,I stopped her and introduced myself, and now we
are going to walk together! I am happy about that, been needing a
walking buddy. Anyway,thats about it,Rich and I are going to work on
the photo page later and try and get it up..lets hope. Have a great day
and see you all tommorrow.
August30,1998
Hi friends..Rich just left,on his way to Detriot.I really hate this..
We had a nice day today,and as you can see my photo page is finally up!
Due to some last minute problems, my "during" pic will be on in a few
days. |
Dog [Cow] Day's
