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Welcome TO August 99, |
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| August1,1999 Happy Birthday Andrea.....I always told her "you will not make it til 14...." and I cant be more proud then her. Maybe alot of you thought that my reality check and sending her to the ex was wrong....but I have a new and improved young lady in my care again, one that wants to go to college, do good in school and really try hard at home to behave, sure we have the fights between her & Keith, that will be forever Im sure.....but she has changed, and I love it. So Andrea, 14 years ago today I was in the worse horrible pain, (just had to add that in :-) but I would do it all over again to have a daughter like you......I love you my baby. Movies & dinner tonight...and of course the cake, I know this isnt helping my diet. Talk to you all tomorrow. |
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| August2,1999 I am beneath a slug on the totem pole of life.....why? cause I have always been that way.....since I was born til now at 38. I have NEVER made anyone happy, been a good daughter, mom, wife. You all may think this is the "drama queen" but no this is my voice, or rather my words....my feelings that can never be told, nor heard except on this blank screen. Quiet, yet screaming on the inside. Yes, Im depressed, yes Im going to the doc tomorrow to get my little happy pills.....just a bandaid to the root of all the sorrow and pain. Honest, I want to die, truthfully I cant do that to my children, Rich, my parents and sister & brother.....Honest, they would all be better off without me, truthfully, I dont want to hang out in hell..... see ya tomorrow. |
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| August3,1999 I suppose I was in quite a mood yesterday....but that was how I felt, today I went to the good ole doc and we may need to change meds again...I do not want to do that, the change over makes me whacked, (like Im not already...or should we be more politically correct and say mentally challenged...) I am not going back to work tomorrow, I cant, the kids need me here, I got to get this house in order and my life on track. Andrea is with Rich on the truck, and Keith needs a little attitude adujustment. I need to relax and end the chapters that haunt and shutdown and make me unfocused and really just a cloud, like getting your mojo back....right Jeanne? Well good news, no gain, no loss....maintaining, guess thats something to be joyous about.....Sooooo, will she ever lose another pound again????? will she find her mojo?????? will she finally shut up????? nah....talk to U tomorrow. |
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| August4,1999 Well jobless in PA again....and ya know I like it. I actually had a pretty good day. Cleaned, did some walking, had Keith do all kinds of "fun stuff" like clean my car and the basement....wait til he has to start scraping the porch so we can paint it....hes gonna love that! Actually Keith has not been the best little boy that he can be, so mom here needs to show him who is boss. It took me three hours just to find room for all the army clothes I brought home everyday.....I must have enough leather to buy a new car, evening gowns, dresses,skirts, fifty pairs of jeans, hundreds of shirts, not to mention four big stuffed drawers of lingerie....(an obession) now tell me where in this loser town am I going have an opportunity to wear an evening gown?????? Though, I have something for every occasion...a must for all us girls. Doing great with my water, eating, exercising too....It felt great to walk again. Just one more birthday, Keiths in Sept.....one more cake, then Im in the clear...... So school is next friends, I am going to school, or rather doing it at home on the puter cause for some twist of fate I have given birth to the devil children who will probably have to be watched til they are 21.....so how many days til school??????? |
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August5,1999 Had a pretty lonely day today....dont know why, just felt lonely. Talked to my sister who already knows all that is going on anyway since she is a reader...so hi Lori! (Too bad Adeline didnt leave her email before I deleted the guestbook....you didnt get a chance to tell her off...) Called my old friend Mary-Ellen, we go way back and she wasnt home, called Rich and talked to him for awhile....then Kathy and Sandy came over and then it was nice, just laughing about all the inbreeds and gossip, ya know the usual hen party....lol. Anyway Kathy has her home page up for her nail salon...the best in all of Wayne County, so go take a look. Rutledge Nails& Tanning On to the subject of guestbooks for a second here, my friend Jeannie is the victim of some pretty nasty people lately, and you got to wonder why???? We are here for ourselves, our way to vent, to share our life, ups and downs, the diet, abuse, whatever....alot of time and effort goes in to keep this journal, to bear your soul and able to be at your worse and not be afraid to show that you are human and like all we are not perfect. So whats up with that? Is your own lives so miserable that you need to put us down? Then the simple answer is dont read.....or like we all learned in kindergarden, "If you have nothing nice to say, dont say anything at all". see ya all tomorrow |
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| August6,1999 Have to get Annie & Rich in a few minutes so short post...have no clue whats up with my HTML...going to try and fix it later, well thats if I have the time...got some movies, strawberries and whipped cream,ya know ;-)! I finally decided where I can wear my gold beaded evening gown! At the Wayne County Fair tomorrow nite! Good idea, huh Jeanne...? LOL. Going on the truck Sunday, so I will be gone for a week and Im so looking forward to it.....just got to stay away from them greasy cheeseburgers right friends?????? Talk to you all later |
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| August7,1999 Just got back from the hospital, not me or the kids...my neighbor Sandy got bit by a spider or some strange critter and had a major swollen leg and foot not to mention a really gross lump. Anyway, shes in unbelievable pain and the pizza place where she works wont let her go home else they will fire her! I told you I live in a loser town.. so Rich and I got her boyfriend Eric and he gave them no choice. Nor was I....she was a little mad at us, but she just called and thanked me. :-). So now Im going to be all worried next week when Im on the truck...my anxiety is really going skyhigh lately, guess my happy pills arent really working anymore...Andrea is mad,(what else is new?)cause we didnt go to the fair...(there goes my gold gown idea) and cause we are going to NoCarolina and she wants to switch weeks with Keith, I mean does it ever stop????? So she got the "tude" again.... Im really lookimg forward to the truck trip friends....I need to get away. So talk to you all tomorrow before I leave....... |
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| August8,1999 Well Im off friends..first to NoCarolina, then to Rhode Island..... not sure where from there, hopefully Maine, I really want to see a moose...lol. Well if we see a dead one I can always bring it home to Cindy (my ex boss, who believes it would be good, a moose that is) Sooooo back to truckstops menus and their idea of a veggie being macaroni and cheese, and a "lite" menu would be steak....gotta love it! Talk to you when I get back....... |
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August12,1999
Shes back!!! Actually I got back Tues nite and was supposed to leave
again last nite to Maine, but Im not feeling too good. Not too sure if its a bug or just exhaustion....Rich has got some job. So Im going to out next week when Keith is on the island, and Annie is back....he goes to Maine every week, so Im sure I wont miss it. By the way, I did really bad! McDonalds, icecream...
...diet went to total hell for three days.....(hanging head in shame) but back to it, had my peanutbutter this morning and did my cleaning.....I know not much, but the way I feel thats pretty good. Talk to you all tomorrow |
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| August13,1999 Okay, Rich gets nailed by the DOT at the scale house, not current logbook, which is hard to do with the way that they make him run.... so 8 hour shut down, and not to mention 120 dollars to the state of Connecicut...his bosses are all having a hissy fit, but they want it there yesterday and dont care how he keeps his logbook...I really hate trucking companies. Andrea just callled from the Island..... shes coming in tomorrow and hey her bike got stolen from the secret hiding place that she left it at on the Island...so whats a few hundred dollars???? I found a mushroom in my bathroom out of the wall...which means we have to do the wall over again, (just got to love old houses) and the courtcase with our stupid ex landlord is next Friday. Yeah, Im in a great mood.....oh yeah, the Salvation army cheated me out of a day pay too, just had to add that in. My face looks fat, my pants are tight, and no way in hell am I going on that scale, else someone will probably die. I dont even have PMS......have a great day. |
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| August15,1999 Still not feeling too well, Rich either....hes on his way out. Andrea and I were going to go, but its just a short run up to Boston and back, we will go later in the week to Maine and I REALLY HAVE TO GET THE KIDS REGISTERED IN SCHOOL!!!!!!!!! yeah, it brings a lovely glow to my face :-) (but I love them, really) Keithless for a week, so no 6 am fights to wake up too, just Annie and I. Anyway, kinda without much to say today, my meds arent working well I think again, well lets face it, you all will say they ARE DEFINATLEY not working, and Im just not sure I want to go back to my country dr, maybe a different dr that has experience with clinical depression and anxiety disorder. As a reader that cared enough wrote that I need to focus on that more then anything including my diet and obsession with it.....yeah, I lost all the weight, but what did it do? Just made me crazy that life didnt change, that all was still the same, that I still had deep rooted problems that need to be fixed and healed for good. Now dont get me wrong, stay on that diet, or lets say lifestyle change, that I wont give up, just need to focus more on whats important, me, my family......not every lost soul in the world that screw you anyway. I hope that I am making sense, I am to myself and like I always think when I write, Im talking to myself, this blank screen, letting my feelings out and venting, crying, laughing, whatever emotion that I have for the day. So thats my thought for the day, love ya all....talk to you tomorrow. (PS, Lori send me your email address please.....I know, terrible sis didnt save it ) |
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| August16,1999 Happy Birthday Lori! Check out your email...sent U something. Isnt the net great? I wont tell your age, but I will tell everyone how gorgeous you are and always been.....with two kids too, still look like a teenager. (She is probably saying to herself..."boy does she need to get new meds") Its the truth though, I have a beautiful kindhearted and very sweet sis who I love with all my heart and miss ya like crazy. We will move south one of these days..... Frank, havent heard from you in ages, so pretty mad at U.....LOL. Still feeling crummy, the funky bug. Rich is better and on his way home, and school reg. is tomorrow!!!!!!!! Ya know I love my kids.....Friday is the big courtcase, which really is annoying as hell that we even have to be there....and I havent gotten anything ready except for the cancelled checks, cant find the lease, still got to get some letters from friends, I am so scattered most of the day and cant seem to focus on anything. So another day......see ya all tomorrow |
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August17,1999 Just about midnight here and just getting to post, this damn sleepy bug or whatever it is....just a pounding headache and congestion and the urge to sleep all the time. Brown recluse spiders....heard of them? We have them here, rare, but we have them.....remember I told you about my neighbor and taking her to the hospital with that gross thing on her leg? Well its a brown recluse spider bite, and tomorrow she has to have surgery to get a big clump of dead tissue taken out... I really love this town, and now we all have arachnophobia to boot. I was freezing daddy long legs cause they were brown, LOL....that instant freeze for you hair does wonders. So anyway, not getting much exercise, lazy and sleepy all day. Hope it goes away soon, having my chocolate fits.....talk to u all tomorrow PS, kids are all set for school!!!!!!!!! can she make it til then?????????? |
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| August19,1999 Didnt get to post yesterday, kinda freaking over this civil suit tomorrow...we are all ready and they have broken lease agreements, and also illegal lease provisions, though in this small "related" hick town, U cant always expect justice....Rich is as calm as can be, and Im freaking......just never been through this before, so what am I doing????? Eating icecream, that helps, huh? Great for the thighs.... Old habits coming back, and gotta stop them.....I have come so far, fallen back, and got up again, I cant stop this battle. I know I have gained, can tell with my jeans, brave to get on the scale????? NO, I say just say no to scales....and get back to business. Scales are evil....or could cause early heart attacks. Anyway, will let you all know how the "case of the month" goes....talk to you tomorrow. |
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| August20,1999 Hi friends, just got back from the "case of the retarted landlords" judgement isnt in, wont be for 5 days....but I could not help from laughing the whole time, or trying to supress the laughter....they actually got up and swore to tell the truth, I swear to you all, we told the truth, they lied.....about everything, the judge told them to be quiet numerous times and that he didnt care about the "hearsay" that we had a 16 year old boy living in the house, Skip would love that, that all our neighbors that we didnt even know had something to say about us, (judge said I dont care) they had no written statements like we did, no proof of anything such as a content of house list, proof of security deposit, and just made up all sorts of damage......that we dont even know what they were talking about.... It was a joke, Im sure there is a chance that we will get a bad ruling, though.....I dont care, they lied about everything, broke every law in PA tenant laws and they basically can go to hell..... I promise you all they will not get a penny from us.....so thats the case, its over and will let u all know what the judgement is..... I swear, this is the last rental house I am living in, next time, we will buy our own house. So talk to you all tomorrow, going to celebrate their assine, lying, contrictional statements with dinner and a movie....The Blair Witch, cant wait to see it..... |
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| August22,1999 Okay, mini movie review...."The Blair Witch Project" dont bother..... It was so stupid, and for those who dont know, its a purely fictional story. Off to Maine today finally, I have been waiting for this trip forever and I have got the chance at last, of course I have cramps of monsterous proportions, and a rather slight sore throat, isnt that always the case? Anyway, its just a three day trip and I should be back by Tues nigt or wens morning....so besides the never ending tales of friends that stab U in the back, the noise everymorning from the gas station and all so many annoying little problems with the house life is just peachy....so talk to u all when I get back. |
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August23,1999
Hi friends, didnt go to Maine, just wasnt feeling well and the kids have their school visitation and all Tues...so, home and the kids are at their finest I must say, lets see....
Keith gets home yesterday, and this morning I have WW3 going on in the house on both ends, Andrea is in a snit cause I told her she had to help out with the house since she was having a friend over for the day, she got mad that I didnt kick Keith's butt cause they were both wrong and decided to punch out a beautiful heart shaped dish with roses on it that we got as a wedding gift, though wait, it gets better.....you still here with me????? I told Keith to page Rich, and all of a sudden in her most finest oscar award she pretends that she is in shock and "doesnt remember what she did" Oh sweet little child, mama is quite over and on to her many manupilating moves....The Brady bunch, huh? I just went on and cleaned the house, calmed myself down before I turned into a physcho mom and then told her, that I think I will have amnesia later and smash one of her possesions.....(which, I wont, but hey! She remembered what she did....) I have decided that she is going to a dr, as Keith.....they both are showing violence (like dad) and I need to get it stopped. Is it just me? Ya know Rosemary's baby or should I sat babies???? Well, hey my pants are loose again, maybe I have a loss....talk to you all later |
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| August24,1999 Well just got back from Keith's tour of middle school, and Andrea's highschool tour and enrollment. I have to admit I felt more nervous about it then they did,have no idea why, just the schools seemed so huge....its been a long time friends. So we are down to the big countdown, 8 more days, (you see, this event "going back to school" is more exciting to me then Christmas, and for that matter more expensive as well) I told Keith and Linda Blairs stand in for the Exorcist that this year is serious business, especially Andrea, this is the path to college or MickyDees...So, now what do I do? Go back to college? get a pretty good job at the internet provider in town (has been offered to me)? or stay at home and write that book that I have wanted to do forever.....? I cant seem to make up my mind, Rich is being supportive on whatever I choose, I just need to feel that I can succeed in what I choose, and thats the big problem here, no self confidence at all, another sign that the meds are not working. Not being able to fall asleep, concentrate, and most important a little depressed as well as anxiety that can break the house down. I was going back to bad habits, ya know the icecream binge...and what did that do? Make me miserable, and not to mention the pants being a little snug. I cant fail at this friends! I have to maintain and try to keep losing, it seems like its all I can control and when that slips away, Im lost again.....so holding on for dear life and WILL NOT let go......U all hang in there too. Talk to you tomorrow |
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| August25,1999 Not that much of an exciting day today, well maybe the small little panic attack at the drugstore when I couldnt get my xanax refilled... I was two days early, Im on 4 a day and I had two left....(there was the precourt case week) Anyway, I started shaking and probably turning green, and the girl gave me two to carry me over....WE HAVE A PROBLEM HERE! I went to Walmart and talked to the pharmicist over there about trying kava kava, and he asked me what I was on, and said no way...then he told me that I better see another dr, cause 4 xanax and one paxil everyday should do the trick. Now try and find a dr around here?????? Ya know the small "related" town I live in, I couldnt find anyone, unless I can fork over 230 dollars for two visits. So back to my country doc and lets see whats in the goodybag this time. I cant be more frustrated and depressed over all of this and this stupid damn disorder. There has be a better way, natural maybe? I doubt it....my hormones are in total shutdown. Still hanging in there though and trying to plan a little getaway for November.... just a few days and have that honeymoon we never had for our anniversary. So thats all thats fit to print in my neck of the woods...talk to you tomorrow |
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August26,1999 A quiet noneventful day today.....I think I deserve one for a change, the gremlins were at a quiet roar today and actually listened to me....I got my meds refilled and my nails done and even got a three hour nap. I have the most evil pms and last night before Rich left he bought me 3 hershys bars...like I NEED them. (yeah, lets face it ladies, we do)Talk to you all tomorrow |
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| August 27,199 Small towns, related people, outsiders from NY, a JP that is most likely a long time friend of my exlandords...of course he is, when I called him to set up the wedding he knew the house......what am I talking about? The judgement came in, they won it all.....no surprise, of course there is fact #1, no proof that we stole anything....(no list of items in the house) no proof that we abused 25 year old appliances that ceased to work, no proof that we caused water damage in the basement when they were supposed to supply a dehumidifier.... which they didnt, so one old door that we offered to fix and they refused.....and the lightset in the driveway that the plowguy knocked over is worth 4000 dollars??????????? Now who is not playing fair here? It was all setup, we know that. Our honorable district whatever made sure his longtime friends won what they wanted with no proof, with no written statements, no anything but total lies.....what a surprise, huh? In all the years that I have rented, I never was sued by a landlord, always put the house back together in the same condition or better.....This is BS, oh but the power of words friends.....The battle is not over and they will never get a penny, I will file chapter 7 before that. Though, first I will let my voice be heard...thats for sure. Isnt this just the greatest town in the USA? What ever made me think that I had a chance because we told the truth and they lied?? Dumb. So,Im calm, and just going keep riding the storm til we can get out of this stupid no justice, inbred, ahole town........but not before I cause a little damage. :-) |
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| August 29,199 Okay, my dog is deranged, she thinks she is pregnant and looking for nests and totally driving me nuts, ya know the false pregnancy thing they get, or then again there was that time that she got loose...and she could very well be knocked up, just what I need, a liter of pups that will probably be born when Rich is in Maine, we all know that my birds are well not really normal.....love birds that bite til they draw blood and kinda wreck the house, not to mention that they are both female (not that there is anything wrong with that :-) The kids...well not too sure what the word is, can we say possessed????? Does anyone know a good priest? Just kidding, actually around 2%of the time they are okay, and SCHOOL STARTS IN 3 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!(but then do the calls from the teachers come in?) besides the maddness that I live in everyday, I have to say my friends that I am very happy,...Rich and I had a perfect evening last night, went to dinner, wore the most sexiest red dress that had him drooling....and not to mention other men that he noticed doing the same :-). It made me feel great, not the others,but my husband feeling so proud to be with me and telling me how beautiful I was.....its going great, a new start, a fresh new life for us both, with honesty and truth and love it will get better and better now. I have to say I feel like a new bride..... So with that,ya all have a great day and for my friends that are in the path of Dennis, stay safe.....talk to you all tomorrow. |
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August 31,199
Well my little "angels" are all fashionably attired for school, and tomorrow is the big day! Rich is home, it seems that the factory is located in NC, and everyone is afraid to go work, so no loads are ready for him, all the better......he can help me celebrate! That is if I feel ok, I keep getting reinfested with this stupid cold that wont go away, my ears hurt, my lymph nodes are all swollen...and I want to sleep all day....I know, poor pitiful me. LOL. Okay, I added a guestbook back in, and I hope that you all sign it, if U must be nasty, so be it....but hopefully my guestbook will be filled with all the great messages it had once before. I would like to thank Jesslan for giving me the URL for the guestbook, and remember.....we all have a right to be heard, but once is enough. Thanks Jesslan.....see ya all
tomorrow.
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The Song Playing Is "Red,Red,Wine" (Had to use it Jeanne, one of my favs :-)
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