The Bible - Endsville Style

You know there are way, way too many books in the New Testament that are called John and I get way confused so from henceforth I will call them the books of "John", "Johnny" and "John-Boy" just so I can keep em straight in my brain. Too many times at my old church I would be snoozin away in the pew and the minister would say, "Turn to the Book of John" and I would get all discombobulated trying to figure out which one he was talking about. Must be all them comfy, padded chairs they replaced all the hard pews with, sitting on hard wood or a tire makes it easier for you to pray, sitting in luxury just promotes naps.

Too comfy to be prayin here

John 12-3 Then took Mary a pound of ointment of spikenard, very costly, and anointed the feet of Jesus, and wiped his feet with her hair- and the house was filled with the odour of the ointment.

Thats one way to solve the foot-odor problem back in the days before good personal hygiene.

John 4-46 So Jesus came again into Cana of Galilee, where he made the water wine. And there was a certain nobleman, whose son was sick at Capernaum. 

Ain't nothing wine can't cure!

John 5-18 On this account then the Jews were all the more eager to put Him to death--because He not only broke the Sabbath, but also spoke of God as being in a special sense His Father, thus putting Himself on a level with God. 

Refers to all the townsfolks here in Endsville that constantly give Caleb crap, like Rufus and the lumberyard guy.

 John 6-41 Now the Jews began to find fault about Him because of His claiming to be the bread which came down out of Heaven. 

More scoffers and craven Luddites, God'll smite em all...

 John 7-1 After this Jesus moved from place to place in Galilee. He would not go about in Judaea, because the Jews were seeking an opportunity to kill Him.

Too bad Jesus didn't have a yellow bus like us, make it even easier on him

John 21-7 Therefore that disciple whom Jesus loved saith unto Peter, It is the Lord. Now when Simon Peter heard that it was the Lord, he girt [his] fisher's coat [unto him], (for he was naked,) and did cast himself into the sea.