The Bible - Endsville Style

Supposedly this whole long "Boink-fest" book of the Bible was written by King Solomon back in hell-if-I-know times... This is most folks favorite part of the Bible since it's quasi-porno-like with it's many depictions of body parts and acts of love. But  I ain't gonna go into long graphic detail on the actual action since I tend to get too "het up" when I have to think about such things ......

Let's just say that the entire book refers to the pleasurable duties that await all the members of the DOoFS post-Quellish (Let It Come!) when this ole earth will require repopulation and replenishment. King Solomon was talking about The Most Honorable Reverend Caleb Solar instead of himself, e.i. this description from the book Song of Solomon 5:10 thru 16 and tell me this doesn't sound like the Reverend we all know and love!

My Beloved is white and ruddy, the chiefest among ten thousand. His head is as the most fine gold; his locks are bushy and black as a raven; his eyes are as the eyes of doves by the rivers of waters, washed with milk and fitly set. : his cheeks are as a bed of spices, as sweet flowers; his lips like lilies, dropping sweet smelling myrhh: his hands are as gold rings set with beryl: his belly is as bright ivory overlaid with sapphires: his legs are as pillars of marble, set upon sockets of fine gold: his countenance is as Lebanon, excellent as the cedars: his mouth is most sweet: yea, he is altogether lovely....

Wait a minute! There is some super smutty stuff in here and I am gettin' too fired up to read on....get a load of this?!?!

6:2 thru 4  - Open to me, my sister, my love, my dove, my undefiled: for my head is filled with dew, and my locks with the drops of the night. I have put off my coat; how shall I put it on? I have washed my feet; how shall I defile them? My beloved put in his hand by the hole of the door, and my bowels were moved for him.

Bowels? Holes? Drops of the night? Good thing I don't have a naturally dirty mind or I might assume the worst and you know what they say about assuming? Makes an ass out of u and me.

Song of Solomon 5-1 I am come into my garden, my sister, [my] spouse- I have gathered my myrrh with my spice; I have eaten my honeycomb with my honey; I have drunk my wine with my milk- eat, O friends; drink, yea, drink abundantly, O beloved

Drinking is ok by God, see His buddies are urging it on us. But I didn't know that honey, myrrh and milk were aphrodisical either!

Song of Solomon 2:6 - His left hand is under my head. His right hand caresses me