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A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'" "But why?" asks the man. "I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.

My Snazzy List of Humor Links

Pirate Jesus: Funny comic about...Jesus as a pirate/robot/pimp/clown/cowboy/monkey. Check it out!

Sluggy Freelance: For years I've been an avid reader of this comic and Pete just keeps pumpin' out new stuff! Imagine Archie with a mad scientist, aliens, vampires, a witch, and most of all, a homicidal mini-lop and a hyperactive ferret. It's probably best to start out with the first comic

Awkward : What started out as a super-cool independant theater group of high school students is now an uber-nifty zine made by college students/dropouts

My "list humor" page! : Lists that will make you laugh!

Come on down to Chez Fou, the Assylum for You! : The world's FIRST insane assylum on the web!

Knock Knock!: Who's there? A whole porch-ful of knock knock jokes!

a bar full of laughs!: A man walked into a bar...

Offensive blonde jokes!: If you're a blonde and get offended easily, save yourself the trouble and just don't click on this!

My Friends' Cool Pages

My Deviant Art: Yay!

Evan's bitchin' photography: He's my boyfriend!

Cyber Aithne: My friend Abby's excellent page of photographs. Some are personal snapshots of friends, but also check out her portfolio!

Ben Patton: If you like the Beatles, Beach Boys, Elliot Smith, or Cole Porter, check this guy out! He's a top-notch singer/songwriter if you ever heard one!

Ninja of the Week: A new person each weeks is honored with the title of Ninja of the Week for being totally sweet!

My LiveJournal: Yes, I am officially pathetic.

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Hi! I'm Sarah and I run this joint. I hope you love my page and if you don't just go away! If you do like my page, sign my guestbook.

If you have a joke that you're just bursting to tell, you can AOL Instant Message me at "fuzzytruck", put it in my guestbook, or submit it at the bottom of the page.

At the moment I'm a second-year at Grinnell Collge and I draw a comic for the Scarlet and Black

Okay, so this joke is of the gross variety, so I tried to tell it an educated manner. I had to check my spelling on twice!

  • (7/13/04)

    A vampire walked into a bar and asked for a nice, warm, glass of blood. The bartender, taken aback by such a request, said, "You know, this really isn't a good time. The health inspector could be coming any week now, and I don't want to take the chance."

    The vampire answered, "Yes, I realize that, but I'm so thirsty, and I'll even pay extra." The bartender acquiesced and the vampire enjoyed a fine glass of o negative.

    The vampire came in the following week, asking for that good'ol o negative he had last time, and the bartendender sighed, "I'm sorry, I just got a letter from the health department, and they say this week they're going to send out an investigator. I don't want to give them a reason to shut me down."

    "I understand that," said the vampire, "but I thought of a solution: what if I take it to go? I'm fine with a plastic cup, even if it isn't so classy." So the bartender sighed again and fixed the vampire up with a plastic take-out cup.

    Later that week, the vampire came back. The bartender spoke up quickly: "Look, I just got a phone call from down the street and they say the health inspector is on his way right now!"

    "That's okay," answered the vampire, "I just need a cup of hot water."

    "Oh, a cup of water isn't so bad," said the bartender, and poured the vampire a mug of hot water. The vampire then took out a bloody tampon from a ziplock bag.

    Reacting to the bartender's nonplussed look, the vampire informed, "I'm having tea tonight."

  • (2/11/04)

    An old Jewish man was once on the subway, and he sat down next to a younger man. He noticed that the young man had a strange kind of shirt collar. Having never seen a priest before, he asked the man, "Excuse me sir, but why do you have your shirt collar on backwards?"

    The priest became a bit flustered but politely answered, "I wear this collar because I am a Father."

    The Jewish man thought a second and responded, "Sir, I am also a Father but I wear my collar front-ways. Why do you wear your collar so differently?"

    The priest thought for a minute and said, "Sir, I am the father for many."

    The Jewish man quickly answered, "I too am the father of many. I have four sons, four daughters and too many grandchildren to count. But I wear my collar like everyone else does. Why do you wear it your way?"

    The priest who was beginning to get exasperated thought and then blurted out, "Sir, I am the father for hundreds and hundreds of people."

    The Jewish man was taken aback and was silent for a long time. As he got up to leave the subway train, he leaned over to the priest and said, "Er... Mister, perhaps, you should wear your pants backwards."

  • (3/23/03)

    How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    Icecream has no bones.

  • (2/19/03)

    A Texan and a Mainese (someone from the state of Maine) are talking about their farms. The Texan starts talking about the size of his, like all Texans do. "...So I drive my car from my house for a day and a half and I git to the North East corner. Then I drive West for a couple days along the North border of my farm, then about three days down the West Border, then two more days along the South border, and finally a day and a half back to my house again."
    The Mainese (sounds like Mayonaise, don't it?) says, in a friendly way, "Oh, yes suh, I had a cah like that too, once."

  • (6/25/02)

    A junior prophet finally gets to talk to god. He asks, "God, how long is a million years to you?"
    God answers, "Why, young prophet, a million years to me is but a second."
    The young prophet then asks, "And how much is a million dollars to you?"
    God answers, "Why, young prophet, a million dollars to me is but a penny."
    "God, can I have a penny?"
    God then checks her change purse and says, "Sure, in a second."

  • (1/1/99)

    A man and a woman were driving up to a sharp turn. The woman rolls down her window and yells, "Pig!" at the top of her lungs.
    So the man, who was mad, rolled down his window and yelled at the top of his lungs, "Bitch!" But was rudely interrupted by a huge, pink, squeeling animal in his lane around the corner. The man crashed into it and died a bloody death. Poor guy. Can't take a hint.

  • (10/31/98)

    You know that Bill Clinton quit the Saxiphone? Yeah, well now he plays the whoremonica.

    as told by Ben Shay

  • (10/8/98)

    There's a chicen and an egg in a bed. The chicken is smoking a ciggarette, you know, all satisfied, while the egg is irritated and figitty. Well, I guess that solves that question.

    told by Kavanah

    a bar full of laughs | offensive blonde jokes | knock knock jokes | Chez Fou | Ben Patton

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