2.)When You're Having A Bad Day
Now get this......
I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had to make.
I found the number and dialed it. A man answered nicely saying, "Hello?"
I politely said, "This is Patrick Hannifin and could I please speak to = Robin Carter?" Suddenly the phone was slammed down on
me! I couldn't believe that = anyone could be that rude.
I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. She had = transposed the last two digits.
After I hung up with Robin, I spotted the wrong number still lying there = on my desk.
I decided to call it again. When the same person once more answered, I = yelled
"YOU'RE A JERK!" And hung up.
Next to his phone number I wrote the word "jerk," and put it in my desk = drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills, or had a really = bad day, I'd call him up. He'd answer, and then I'd yell, "YOU'RE A = JERK!" It would always cheer me up.
Later in the year, the phone company
introduced Caller Id. This was a = real
disappointment for me, I would have to stop calling the jerk.=20
Then one day I had an idea. I dialed his number, then heard his voice, = "Hello?" I made up a name. "Hi. This is Herman with the
telephone = company and I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller = Id Program?" He went, "NO!" and slammed the phone down. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're a jerk!"
And the reason I took the time to tell you this story, Is to show you = how if there's ever anything really bothering you, you can do something = about it. Just dial 555-4822. But wait there's more....
The old lady at the mall really took her time pulling out of the parking = space. I didn't think she was ever going to leave.
Finally her car began to move and she started to very slowly back out of = the Space. I backed up a little more to give her plenty of room to pull
= out. Great, I thought, she's finally leaving. All of a sudden, this black Camaro came flying up the parking aisle in = the wrong direction and pulls into her space.
I started honking my horn and yelling, "You can't just do that, buddy. I = was here first!" The guy climbed out of his Camaro completely ignoring = me. He walked toward the mall as if he didn't even hear me.
I thought to myself, 'This guy's a jerk, there's sure a lot of jerks in = this world.' I noticed he had a for sale sign in the back window of his = car. I wrote down the number.Then I hunted for another place to park.
A couple of days later, I'm at home sitting at my desk. I had just = gotten off the phone after calling 555-4822 and yelling, "YOU'RE A = JERK!" (It's really easy to call him now since I have his number on = speed dial).
I noticed the phone number of the guy with the black Camaro lying on my = desk and thought I'd better call this guy too.
After a couple rings someone answered the phone and said, "Hello?"
I said, "Is this the man with the black Camaro for sale?"
"Yes it is."
"Can you tell me where I can see it?"
"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and the car's = parked right out front."
I said, "What's your name?"
"My name is Don Hansen."
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
"I'm home in the evenings."
"Listen Don, can I tell you something?"
"Yes."
"Don, you're a jerk!" And I slammed the phone down. After I hung up I = added Don Hansen's number to my speed dialer.
For a while things seemed to be going better for me. Now when I had a = problem I had two jerks to call. Then after several months of calling = the jerks and hanging up on them, the whole thing started to seem like = an obligation. It just wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be. I gave the problem some serious thought and came up with a solution.
First, I had my phone dial Jerk #1.
A man answered nicely saying, "Hello."
I yelled "YOU'RE A JERK!" But I didn't hang up. The jerk said, "Are you still there?"
I said, "Yeah.."
He said, "Stop calling me."
I said, "No."
He said, "What's your name, Pal?"
I said, "Don Hansen."
"Where do you live?"
"1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and my black Camaro's parked = out front."
"I'm coming over right now, Don. You'd better start saying your = prayers."
"Yeah, like I'm really scared, Jerk!" And I hung up.
Then I called Jerk #2.
He answered, "Hello?"
I said, "Hello, Jerk!"
He said, "If I ever find out who you are..." "You'll what?"
"I'll kick your butt."
"Well, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now, Jerk!" And I hung = up.
Then I picked up the phone and called the police. I told them a big gang = fight was going down at 1802 West 34th Street. After that I climbed into = my car and headed over to 34th Street to watch the whole thing.
I turned onto 34th Street and parked my car under the shade of a tree = half a block from Jerk #2's house. There were two guys fighting out = front. Suddenly there were about 12 police cars and a helicopter.
The = police wrestled the two men to the ground and took them away.
A couple of months go by and I get a call for Jury Duty. I was picked
to =
be on a trial of two guys charged with
Disorderly Conduct. As luck
would =
have it, it happened to be the same two guys. I might have influenced the Jury, because when they announced the = verdict, they said, "We the Jury, find the Defendants, Guilty as = Charged, and a couple of Jerks"
ANIMAL JOKES
King of the jungle
My first time
The vetriloquist
Blown a seal
Chicken loving parrot
BAR JOKES
6 inches
The 1st time
Its all I have
Blonde jokes
More Blonde jokes
GENDER JOKES
Wrong number
Midnight Mishap
Baseball Buddies
A night with her
Knock on wood
The trip
A letter home
A golf outing
The Bust
Kids jokes
Boy or girl
Swearing
Heaven sent
HEADLINE JOKES
Viagra
Viagra2
NATIONALITY JOKES
Chineese Detective
Only in america
Mexican Bandit
OFFICE JOKES
Celebrity Deaths
Bill Clinton
Laws of work
Angry Owner
RELIGIOUS JOKES
Funny
3 couples
Preachers
Saying Grace
Bingo
Pastors Parrot
3 nuns
Jesus Golfing
Evil Brothers
Car broken down
They died in the service
SCHOOL JOKES
Jock itch
Third grade again
SPOUSE JOKES
Gone fishing
Joe & John
The shopping trip
labor Pain
Snails Pace
Pay Backs
Love, Lust, Marriage
BLONDE JOKES
Blonde Jokes
#$#
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