Meanwhile back in “Dharm” Khand…

 

Stella <shiver> stares harshly at the Godfather (his only crime? he’s a man).  You see Stella <shive> had thought long and hard and decided that it’s men who are women’s *only* problem. “Think about it,” she had lectured to the newly formed die-section group - BUMS (Blackwidows United against Men Sistas) -  “Men are a problem for we women from the time we hatch from our egg sacs–men-tal stress, man-ipulation, men-opause; then having to be checked by a guy-necologist and if a gal is in really bad shape, has  to have a histerectomy. I, for one, am sick of nem!” 

 

Entry from the Merriam-Web-ster edition 3005

Main Entry:  Nem

Pronunciation: Men backwards
Function: Girlie Noun

Meanings:
1: Cave Dwellers

Related Topics:  Dinosaurs, Clueless

Origin: Nem was first used to describe a male human by Stella <shiver> in a speech to BUMS.  Historians generally agree that the speech was largely responsible for the collapse of Earth’s thousands-year rule by men.  Although several men have been sighted in mountains over the years, they can be more safely viewed in several metropolitan zoos around the world.

 

The Sistas had rallied together and made several plans to destroy the males of the world (since to-date there are (still) males in the Jedi Nights Series staff: we will not reveal those plans, lest they get picked up by some copy-cats (hmmmmm…. cats?  How come there are no cats in the series yet?).

 

Godfather’s hand unconsciously goes to the scar on his face that had been put there by a very vicious black cat (before our creative juices dry up, we will make up how the scar got there and how it profoundly affected young Godfather and made him the multi-dimensioned vicious person he is - … huh?  (Oh, you think our creative juices dried up 2 Ongs ago; very cute, very very cute… YOU WANT TO TRY WRITING THIS STUFF, HOTROD???!! YOU THINK IT’S EASY COMING UP WITH EVIL THINGS DAY IN AND DAY OUT??!! I didn’t think so…). 

 

The Peer <s.c.u.m> strokes Stella <shiver>’s cephalothorax – theoretically the Peer <s.c.u.m> is a man too- (spod save Stella <shiver>’s fovea when the sistas find out that she had been stroked by a man);- but for now, he is Stella <shiver>’s only hope of realizing a man-less world.

 

The Peer <s.c.u.m>: “Gosssh where are my mannersss? Godfather, this is Ssstella <ssshiver>;

 

 Ssstella <ssshiver>, thisss isss the Godfather.”  They eye each other dissstassstefully. 

 

She: “He reminds me of my third husband – I hope I wrapped him well”.

 

He: “She reminds me of my third wife – I hope the cement hasn’t broken.”

 

The Godfather, quite uneasy with all of Stella <shiver> eight eyes on him, takes out two small bags of gold coins and drops them on the carpet: “Will this be sufficient for your services?” 

 

At the sound of gold, Bheta Boa rises up from his slumber into striking position and greedily looks at the bags. (Yes, thank you alert readers, we do realize that boa do not strike the way Rattlers and Cobras do but that is beside the story - which side? whyThe Dark Side  of course)

 

The Peer <s.c.u.m> agrees: “This is sssatisfactory - although getting rid of the naamisss would itssself be my greatessst reward.”

 

The Godfather replies: “How come you hate the naamis so much?”

 

The Peer <s.c.u.m> opens up a locket hanging around his scaley neck – inside there is a small portrait of a hooded man:  “This is my grandfather’sss father’sss  grandfather - the well known hooded-Peer who had, ssshall we sssay, a run-in with the naamisss’s Gu – Gur… Guru… Nan… Nanak.”  All the snakes and the carpet gulp uncomfortably.  After saying this name with much difficulty (for light is very painful for darkness), he clutches his heart and changes the subject: “I hope you brought sssomething for my handsssome ssson here”.

 

The Godfather nods to the Golden Goon, who removes two very healthy rats from his pocket and drops them on the floor - <chomp> <chomp>  -That’s the sound of two very healthy rats meeting a very unhealthy Boa.

 

Snapshot of the past:

Time Frame: 3 minutes ago

Setting: Golden Goon’s pocket

Profiles:  (provided by the Dan Rather Not Investigation Company)

 

Rat1:

Name: Armando “Arnie” Ratznfinger

Occupation:  pumped up body builder

Aspiration: hit man in the underworld
Motto: scare a cat, make a hit on a dog, get out of the rat race, live the easy life and lie by the pool all day

(Fatal) Character Flaw: Believed he had been picked for being ‘pumped’ up by Golden Goon who misunderstood his accent and thought he heard him say ‘plumped’ up

 

Rat2:

Name: Crocodile Munchy

Occupation:  made famous by a ‘bit’ part posing as a fur hat in a Crocodile Dundee type down-under film starring Golden Goon

Aspiration: to be cast in a leading Goon role in Godfather Enterprises Filmmaking

Motto: hair today, goon tomorrow - g’day mate

(Fatal) Character Flaw: ultimate loser in a bet with the Golden Goon during filming in which the loser had to ‘eat his hat’

 

Back to the present:

Setting: Bheta Boa’s stomach

Rat1: “Hasta la <ARRRGgghh> Vista Baaaaaby”

Rat2:” “G’d <aaaarghhh> ay maaaate”

 

The Godfather gets up saying, “So I will leave everything in your able hands – contact me after….” 

 

< Start of PG13-something section >

“Asss you might know,”

< End of PG13-something section >

 

The Peer <s.c.u.m> interrupts him with a slightly embarrassed voice, “my … my … magic doesssn’t work near the naamisss.” (Of course the Godfather knew this – he didn’t become the Godfather by playing Solitaire).

 

“Oh, really?” says a smiling Godfather as he sits down again and, to the great annoyance of the Boa, pockets one of gold coins bag.

 

There is annoyance in the Peer <scum>’s scumy voice too: “Perhapsss we can make a deal.  Perhapsss you can lend me one of your men to do what I have in mind?  One of your more, ssshall we sssay.. dispensssable men?”

 

“Sure,” the Godfather says, “You can have him” he says, pointing to the Golden Goon.  A brief look of hurt crosses the Golden Goon’s face.  The Silver Goon and the Bronze Goon snicker at other.

 

The Peer <s.c.u.m> whispers into the Godfather’s ears: “<whissper whissper> Gurudrawa <whissper whissper> Interssstellar elevator <whissper whisper> Gurdwara board of Directorsss <whissper whisper”

 

The Godfather exclaims: “I love your evil mind! And oh my! I almost forgot my kids – you need to covert them…” proceeds to take out the Ridhi Sidhi Frog <psycho music> and the slimy toad with a wand in its mouth from his pocket. 

 

Bad move!:

<chomp> <chomp>  That’s the sound of a one psycho frog and one slimy toad meeting a very annoyed Boa!

<AARRGGHHH!!> That’s the sound of a magic wand getting stuck in a Boa’s mouth.

<bahadfadf!!> That’s the sound of a Golden Goon’s hand smashing into a Boa’s open mouth to retrieve a frog and a toad.

<iiieaaaa!!!> That’s the painful sound of a Boa painfully thrashing around with a magic wand stuck in its mouth.

<sparkle> <sparkle>  That’s the sound of magic sparkles shooting out of the magic wand.

<G-minor> <B-flat> That’s the sound of magic sparkles converting many Goons into Ballerinas (apparently the Ridhi Sidhi Frog <psycho music> had been experimenting with changing herself into a Frogallerina– her life long dream).

<Joy to the war-less world; click-click> That’s the sound of Ballerinas singing and dancing respectively.

<WHOOOSH> <WHOOOSH> <WHOOOSH> That’s the sound of golden, silver and bronze chains respectively express-shuttling the ballerinas to GoonKhand…ګ        ګ  ګ