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I write and speak a great deal about people needing therapy. Often I get replies like:
I don't need therapy, I don't trust therapists and shrinks, they don't really understand me, all they have learned they have
learned out of books, they have no real experience, or I can't find one I feel good with.
I write and speak a great deal about people needing therapy. Often I get replies like:
I don't need therapy, I don't trust therapists and shrinks, they don't really understand me, all they have learned they have
learned out of books, they have no real experience, or I can't find one I feel good with.
Let’s take a look at these replies:
1. I don't need therapy!
Anyone who has difficulties with any form of control, {self or otherwise} discipline, {weather overly disciplined or not disciplined
enough} or destructive attitudes, {self or otherwise}, needs therapy.
2. I don't trust therapists and shrinks!
If we take a real honest look at that statement, we really mean we don't trust ourselves. If we don't trust others, then we
need to check to see if we trust ourselves. Due to fear, especially in situations where we have not yet as much as met the
person or persons we are speaking of, we hold back trust. Many of us don't understand therapy or why we need it therefore
we, being human, fear what we don’t properly understand, thus give no trust. This fear is due to our lack of self-trust.
3. They really won't understand me!
Again we need to see ourselves. We would be accusing someone we don't even know of no understanding therefore we need to look
deeper inside to see if the reality is that we fear our own misunderstanding of ourselves. A good therapist is both open minded
and hearted. He or she will understand pain, what it does to our mind, body and soul, and how to heal it.
4. All they have learned they learned out of books, they have no real experience!
This has been true in past years. We need to be able to relate and we have found that someone who has only book learning is
not capable of relating to us in the ways that are needed. In the past ten years there have been great changes, breakthroughs
and growth in this field.
More and more people, after dealing with their issues are going on to become certified in many therapies, because we know
how important our experiences are to others and understand that there is far more to what we need then just book learning
to get to the real problems at hand.
5. I have not found one I feel good with yet!
Unless we are truly committed to healing ourselves, no therapist will ever be good enough to help us. Keep in mind that we
don't feel very good with ourselves, {or we would not be considering a therapist at all} therefore how do we expect to feel
good with a therapist we don't even know.
I suggest that we check to see if the therapist we have chosen, has personal experiences with our particular issues, {making
sure of both understanding and learning being present}, and give ourselves a few visits before making any decisions as to
whether it feels good or not.
Therapy does not always feel good. The Good feelings come and grow but at first it's very painful much of the time. It hurts
like hell to face ourselves honestly, and it hurts even more to face the honest truth about others, {especially those we love
or hold in high respect}, life the world and reality.
Now let’s look at what therapy is:
1. Honesty!
No wounds {physical, emotional, or spiritual}, will heal properly unless we are completely honest with our therapists and
ourselves. It is just as important that our chosen therapist be as honest with us. This honesty is most imperative, no matter
how much it hurts. In many parts of our issues the truth sets us free from the emotional pain, which in turn sets us free
from both physical and spiritual pains.
2. Making way for and accepting Change!
If we have decided to get therapy for our issues then we have chosen a life change. We have made a decision to begin to face
and let go of our pains. Many of us are very used to living with this horrid discomfort and not even truly realizing that
it is uncomfortable, or should I say, severely painful, until it gets so bad that we end up hospitalized, jailed or in deep
depression.
3. Facing our pain!
Many of us do not know that we are holding such pain within. Any time we are hurt and do not deal with that pain properly,
we hold onto that pain. This builds up and we learn not to pay any attention to it. We forget it is even there, almost become
immune to it, until we get hurt again and the new pain joins the old pain and we explode. Unless we face the deepest pain
within we are not free to truly live in the present. When we face our pain, cry or shout it out, the pain does end. Many of
us had no idea that the pain could or would ever stop, but it can if you face it properly.
4. Learning to understand our selves!
Many of us, depending on the severity of our abuse issues, do not understand why we react to situations and people the way
that we do. We need to understand these things in order to get control of them and deal life properly.
5. Realizing we are strong enough to face anything we are confronted with!
We need to begin to believe in ourselves to get through this situation. I found one of my best beliefs was that our Creator
would never give me anything to deal with without giving me the strength to do so.
6. Dealing with it!
Dealing with all that has happened to us within our lives honestly. Facing all and any abuse issues, how we feel about it
all, allowing ourselves to feel, accept the reality of our abuses, safely display all emotions attached to these abuses, finding
understanding for ourselves and our abusers, forgiving all involved, knowing that forgiveness is the key to love and love
is the true healer.
7. Accepting it all as a learning experience and letting it go!
Learning to accept all that happens to us within our lives as learning experiences gives us what I refer to as a shining jewel
placed in the pit of hell. There is always good in everything and all. Even within the deepest despair a shining jewel can
be found.
8. Learning how to love ourselves and then others!
We have all been led to believe that because we are human we instantly know how to love ourselves and others. This is total
crap. We love instinctively when life demands but we are not capable of truly loving properly until we learn how. Our thinking
patterns are a large part of loving. If our thinking is negative, conditional, deceitful, expecting, malicious, resentful,
envious, manipulative, possessive or controlling we are not giving love.
We need to learn and realize that love is just as much spiritual and emotional as it is practical and natural. The use of
our thinking patterns is most imperative in order to actually give love.
Love is an energy that comes from our souls and is induced by our thoughts. If we love ourselves, others will also love us,
but if we do dislike ourselves others dislike us as well. What we think of ourselves is what others will think of us. The
only instance I have found this not to be true is when people are in fear of love, therefore dislike themselves and most others.
Angel Femia
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