How many years spent keeping silent ? How
many years spent being to scared to tell ? How many years
spent being punished when I spoke up ? How many years
spent being forced to shut up?
How many years spent
did I yearn and desperately wanted to
tell?How many years spent wanting to yell out and
tell? How many years spent did it feel like a living hell
?How many years spent trying to survive all of
this sadistic abuse that I did have? How many years spent was
it just pure sheer torture and hell? How
many years spent behind those closed doors was I their victim?
How many years spent
with no one to listen or to tell? How
many years spent shedding so many of my tears? How
many years spent was it just to traumatic for me to tell?
How many years spent when I rembered it all
was I to ashamed to tell of my pure living hell?
How many years spent
with no one to listen to what these nuns
were doing to me, it was like an ever ending eternity? How
many years spent must I have given the the abuser's their
victim? How many years spent feeling the awful shame that
I was somehow in the wrong and to blame?
How many years spent
crying my many tears again and again with my broken heart
and my soul just fe;t ripped right out and Oh! in just so much pain? How
many years spent crying all in vain my tears
just ignored time and time again? How many years
spent with no one there to soothe my deep lasting
pain? How many years spent with no one to
notice my anguished tears & pain I had, and being OH!! so very
sad being told I was nothing but just bad bad bad?
How many years spent
did I try and forget trying so very hard always
to hide it and never speaking about it? How many years spent did
I try so hard to fight it all alone hoping against hope
it would go away thinking I could do it all alone by myself? How
many years spent being told I was only ever bad although
I desperately did try and try with all of my heart to be so good?
How many years spent was I always so so sad? How many
years spent without any comfort, love affection or hugs, not even one just
one HUG?
How many years spent
being told I was never loved that no one loved or
wanted me and how thankful I should be to be in those hellhole Nazareth House homes even
that my Mum & Dad did not love me Oh! how very cruel were those
words to me that left me bleeding inside? How many years did I spend with all these guilty
feelings of shame that made me depressed again
and again?
How many years did
I spend holding it all in withholding all of my emotions too many, it seemed
it was like a living nightmare only it was all so real and it felt like it would never end?
How many years spent just looking for and needing devotion?
How many years spent
being used and so abused through and through? How
many years spent just wishing, wanting and needing to
be just loved? How many years spent being to afraid and with no energy
left to fight with in all of my torment and pain? How many years spent waiting to
just be believed? How many years spent being so subdued
I only looked for and needed to be cared for and loved by you?
How many years spent
lying down in total submission because
of my pain it stopped me from fighting with you at times
again and again? How many years spent without any remission? How
many years spent by me constantly just always being
let down by you and my trust always shattered by YOU?How many years spent with only
a sad frown?
How many years spent
feeling all this pain remembering and feeling it all again
and again? How many years spent wishing I had never ever
been born only feeling constantly torn?
How many years did
I spend standing still far too many I do
think? How many years spent desperately trying to reach out to someone
anyone who would just care? How many years spent before I could shout
it out before being all cried out?
ALL THESE PENT UP EMOTIONS
ARE JUST COMING
TO THE FORE
I JUST CANNOT HELP
IT
UNTIL THERE ARE
NO MORE!!!!!!!!!.
MY SILENT YEARS
JUST WHY?
OH!!! WHY?
OH!!!! WHY?....
