 JUNE&JAMAICA, |
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| June1,2000 I'm back, been home for two days after the most brutal attack of the sadistic dentist. Man DID THAT HURT!!!!!!!!!!!! Even with 50 shots of novacine, I felt it all. My mouth is all swollen, and I cant talk right, and I cant eat, I can drink that's it. Though! That's a good thing isnt it! I want to go back tomorrow but I feel so stupid, trying to talk on the phone all day is gonna be rough. They look great, the denture's, they are white and they arent loose, but its so hard to get used to them. It makes you feel like your face is three times the size that it was as well. I cried when he pulled the last ones out, he thought it was from the pain, but it was just the thought that there goes all my real teeth and I'm only 38. Well, it could be worse, I could lose them and not be able to get dentures, and no more pain, and no more eating alot. So forced into a liquid diet for a month or so........:-). I am dying for a bagel though, it figures........ Here at home, Andrea is getting worse and worse with her attitude, as well as Keith, two of them now that are driving me nuts, and just wont listen to me. I suppose a talk with their dad may help, I doubt it. Just more theraphy. So, going to sign off and go tan, and then pass out again, thats all I have been doing the last two days is sleeping and wishing that I coulod stuff my face, but glad that I can't. See ya all tomorrow. |
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| June5,2000 Back at work today, I had to take off last week Wens, Thurs and Fri. I was in so much pain and I still havent been able to chew on any food. I think i had apple sauce, and a pudding since that. Alot of drinking, juice, slim fast, and I know its not good but I been drinking coke cause I was so nausous from not eating. Only less then two weeks for my vacation and I cant wait...its so surreal and I suppose I won't realize it til I am on the island. I got to pick up the tickets today from the travel agent and excitement is not a good enough word for it.......At least I can lose weight without will power, but thats not a good enough way.I wish that I had the willpower in me, with all the stress lately, if I was able to eat, my god would I pig out...and thats the truth. I wont be able to even eat in Jamicia......and Im sure there will lots of great food that I would want to try. Anyway, thin is better. So, back to the grind here of the fabulous world of the internet and talk to you all later |
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| June6,2000 Today I had some soup and trying to eat a blueberry muffin, I am still in major pain, but it is getting better, and lets face it....I am not eating like a pig and that is good....The kids had their last day of school today, and Annie starts a babysitting job so I dont have to worry about them killing each other. Next week, vacation..... I can not wait. I am even thinking of getting my tattoo tonight, I figure after the torture of the dentist a tattoo should tickle. Well I doubt it. I just cant wait to get out of here and go home to a basement that has at least 4 inches of water, Keith can go fishing. Talk to you all later |
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| June7,2000 Still having some major pain with the teeth and ready to call the dentist and say "wasss up?????" This is crazy. The flood in the basement is a swimming hole now, and yeah I still cant get the baby love birds to stay in their cages, and there is more on the way. I want to get out of here and still have 3 hrs left...and then I think why????? So the kids can scream and yell, and the birds can fly all over the house, and just to wake up and start all over again. I need some excitement in my life, I know I am going to Jamicia and that is exciting, but of course its stressing as well. The flight, making sure everything is okay and what was paid for, sharks....ya know. I am still sticking to this diet, not by choice I must add, that really is terrible to say but to be honest its the truth. Back to internet fun, see ya all later |
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| June9,2000 As you can see if you check my guestbook now and then, Rich still feels the need to read and make entries. I really don't care anymore, he has a new life, new woman, I think he should spend his time with that and not worry about what I write in my journals or opinions that he has about me. I am not going to delete it either anymore, its too time comsuming and he is still going to do it anyway...it just is rather boring. He even leaves his email so I suppose if he has any sympathy you can mail him......Mr Perfect sure is one of a kind, and Penny is so very lucky. I seem to be watched no matter what I write, people in my town read and I feel like I have to watch everything that I say...If I mention Eric, then his ex complains,"ex" strange... that she also feels the need to know everything that he does or I do. When you have an "ex" that means that they belong out of your life, and really not worry what you do. New life, new friends, new everything. Rich didnt waste anytime finding number 3, and either did Eric's ex.....so what the hell do they care if we are friends and enjoy each other's company? Maybe its because they would be happier if we were just miserable. Sometimes, I feel like I should end this journal, and just keep my business to myself, but it is such a big part of my life, of me that to do that would take a part away from me, leave a hole. To be strong in this world, you need to ignore the bad people, the negative, and look forward that one day they will just go away and leave you alone, and that you can make what you want out of your life as long as you stay focused on what your goals are. Mine, is to be happy, to keep the weight off, to keep negative, users, and evil, sick people out of my life, to close the chapters of the past and open the new page of the future, now if only they can do that too. See you all tomorrow. |
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| June12,2000 I have not been here in awhile, I have so much work here and at home, getting ready for the vacation, the basement flood and renting a dumpster to clean out all the ruined things that I had, twenty loads of laundry and there is just too much to list, I guess its the before vacation stress attack, and an odd case of depression appearing again. I dont see the doc til July so I hope that the Carribean sun and relaxation will help. My kids are so out of control lately, and of course their dad wont help....( he always does this when he has a new girlfriend in his life) My child support is late and skipped, he cares less about their behavior. He goes from one extreme to another. My lawyer says that we should take him to court and get court ordered c/s that is garnished and raised....but we have been getting along so well that I am not in the mood to have problems with his temper again. My lawyer is a toughie though. I am doing ok on the eating and dont think that I will look like a beached whale on the ocean.....I hope so anyway, but then again I am in Jamica! Who cares???? I do really. I'm glad that you all have found amusement with my guestbook and the Rich and # 3 show. They can change their names, like Penny for instance and they forget that I work for an internet and tracking down their IPs is so very easy.......but let them play and threat, and insult, and whatever rocks their boat. And yes, I am on an ivory pedastal and damnit I plan on staying there....:-) Nobody has gotten me down before and no one ever will. Poster girl for the woman of steel, or maybe the energizer bunny,,,,,I never stop, or give up, See you all tomorrow. |
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| June13,2000 Soon, soon, soon I will be on a beach, without phones, tv, puters, people that bother you, I can not believe how nice it was to read my guestbook and see all of my friends, Jeanne, Jo,Tanya, Heather, all of you that have been with me for me so long. Thank you so very much....I have been receiving so many great letters and encouragement and it makes all so worth while being here. I also am happy that you enjoy the Rich and "afraid to write her name" Penny comments....and I will leave them there. They are just words....meant to make me scared and make him feel like he is under control of me. They need a hobby, like planning their wedding :-) Me, I am just going to LIVE....be me, not have anyone telling me that "me" is not correct or the way that you should act. I am enjoying my relationship with Eric, who never says a word about my behavior, or how I dress or my sense of humor. He seems to like me just the way that I am. Everything is slow and easy. no jumping into engagements or living together....man u think some people would learn from that. I know that I have. Now if only I can get skinny. Life would be perfect on my "ivory pedastal" I love that phrase......see ya all tomorrow |
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| June16,2000 Just wanted to say goodbye,on my way to the Carribean and going to enjoy every minute of it. I will tell you all about it when I get back and put up all the pics so you can see the beauty that I have seen. Check out the guestbook, Rich is at it again and he thinks that I sign all the entries.........u hear that Jeanne? I suppose life is dull for him. I already talked to my lawyer, and its all bs, she talked to his lawyer. Man, I am getting a life, a good one at that. You know me all, I am as strong as they come. I will be back soon........and have a drink for u all. My friends hey, help me out.....let him know its not me, k? I will answer your letters as soon as I get back, I have been so busy....lov u all, and pray that I dont come back as a beached whale :-) |
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| June24,2000 Im back! First I want to thank ya all that signed my guestbook and made me feel like I have so many friends.......I love ya all. I have no more to write about Rich, as far as I am concerned its over, and I hope that he will go on with his life. Now, I HAD A GREAT TIME!!!!!!!!! Its gorgeous, the water is blue as u can imagine, warm, the people are terrific, and since I am sooooooooo tired and beat, I just wanted to say that I am back and will write more tomorrow. Oh yeah, I drank so much.....I dont mean little drinks, I mean pina coladas, margaritas, daquri's, all the fattening drinks u can think of, oh yeah I was buzzed all week, loved it, ate, loved it, and the ocean, pools, the new friends that we met, I just want to go back, and never come home. Talk to ya all tomorrow and will write to ya all too (no problem mon :-) |
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| June25,2000 Sunday, still not with it totally here and actually kinda sad. Maybe its because im home and not on a beautiful ocean, maybe cause I have to look for a new job, maybe cause I realized people that I thought were friends and here for me at home are not. To be honest, I did have a great time as so did Eric, though he had his ex on his mind I am sure, and me, well I felt sad at times. I wanted to be with someone there that loved me and I loved them back. Eric, I care about him, but I do not love him. Him, I thought that he cared about me as well, but I dont think that friendship is even a feeling he may have for me. Maybe, just suckered in, cause I cared enough to be a friend for him. I thought of Rich, and cried. I know that I said I wasnt going to write about him, but he was there with me at times..... I met a wonderful bartender named Marshall, and he gave me his address, and I gave him mine. I hope that we can write to each other. He was pretty awesome as all the people were. Now back to what do I do now, the dr appts and the kids appts, a car that is falling apart and a house that is as well......but I talked to this woman, her name was Sonja and she was the maid service, she saw that I was upset one day cause I lost a stupid toe ring. She said to me that sometimes she gets upset as well, and then she gets mad at herself, cause she has a new day of life, a new day that she has with her kids, and a roof and food, that she thanks God and asks to be forgiven for "sweating the small stuff" she made me cry, and I hugged her. I gave her a silver rose pin that was my grandmother's and told her to wear it and think of me for teaching me such a tiny but valuable lesson. Thanks Sonja. Talk to you all tomorrow. |
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| June26,2000 Well today has been kinda long, hot and not too productive, I have an interview tomorrow and hoping that will work ok, but in the morning Annie has a dr appt in Scranton and that will take much of the day, did some major cleaning in the living room, I figure a room a day, just too damn hot and I am still so hung over from vacation, post vacation blues.......I want to go back. I had my hair braided, and its so awesome, but I really need to get it taken out, if I am gonna look for jobs, I better look well, civilized. :-). I am so dark and I love it, I have tanlines over my tan......I am boring tonite, restless, almost in a panic. I have to see my doc wens, and I hope that they can change my meds somehow to make me more relaxed, well there is alot going on that I can not discuss at the moment, but I will share it all. I am sorry that I have not been at the best in responding to my emails, I will write, I promise. So I need a job, need to take care of the kids,(landlords were bitchin at me today cause the kids are fighting alot, they really werent nasty, it was an ok conversation, but just not today) Need to stop wishing for a fattening drink every nite and work on the blub here, and yes Jeannie I look like a beached whale......see ya all tomorrow |
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June30,2000
I have been silent for a few days, I am still here, just trying not to let the world crash in, which it is all around me. This is a shock and the worse possible thing that I have ever experienced, and to be honest friends I am at a point of a breakdown. Though I need to be strong for Annie.......Yes, Rich has been arrested for the alleged (have to say that I guess) for the sexual molestion and abuse that he forced upon my daughter, my baby girl for 4 years. She waited along time to tell me, she needed to feel safe. There was a report 5 years ago, she took it back and said that she lied......I knew in my gut, the mom's intuition that something was wrong, but when she swore that it was a lie, and my love for Rich made me believe him.......well, I can only blame me. I am destroyed, I have no idea how I can get us through this........I went for an interview, I didnt get it, I would of been called...but how can I work? Annie is afraid to be here as well as my son. I need to get them to counseling, the DA, vip, and I
need to be here for them. I need to be at home for them, to make them feel safe. Penny has bailed him out of course......but then again, she is in love and I suppose that she cant believe that he can do such a thing. So thats it, and I know you all expect me to get through it, but this is bringing back old scars, emotions that I never thought was possible, going back and forth, to make it worse, here is the local paper...already in the news. We are going to have to move, I can not handle the abuse from the people talking and the kids harrassing Andrea. Its already on the web
http://wayneindependent.com/display/inn_news/news1.txt
so I know this is not illegal to print. Richard Crawford, 41, a former Beach Lake resident and now of Fogelsville, was arrested for allegedly sexually abusing an 11 year old girl at varied times in Damascus and Manchester Townships. Crawford has been charged with two felony counts of Involuntary Deviate Sexual intercourse; one felony of Aggravated Indecent Assault; another felony count of Endangering the Welfare of Children; and two other counts, of Indecent Assault and Corruption of Minors. In both unrelated cases, the defendants were incarcerated in Wayne County Prison in lieu of $50,000 bail. Each defendant will be afforded a preliminary hearing in the near future before District Justice Ronald Edwards, police said. Trooper Mark Filarsky is the lead investigator in the matter concerning Crawford. See you tomorrow. Forgve my silence. |
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