 2001,A Better Year?, |
 |
| Jan5,2001 Im Back, my job is done and I spent most of the afternoon at my dr and social services. My doc thinks Im tempoarily disabled mentally. and I guess I could get some help with the state.I dont want that. go that way. but Im looking at being homeless.........I hope that one day I will have a great post. that all is going well and Im om top of the world again.......,maybe this year |
|
| Jan8,2001 7 more days til annies trial......its like a nightmare, and I cant wait til its put to rest and the kids can start living again.......as for them being with their dad, as long as they are happy.,,,,,,,,I love them. But I understand why they need to be away.I was just labeled temporary mentally disabled.......meaning the state takes care of me for awhile til I can function in society.........tomorrow I go to housing and hopefully that will work okay........I need to feel okay again, brave, get back on that DAMN diet.........and basically peace. Im nit going to give up, I still may move in with Lori,...I niss her and shes an angek to want to help.....buy maybe inside U need to do it yourself........love n peace |
|
| Jan15,2001 We had the jury selection today and tomorrow at 8:30 the trial begins.....it should last only a day and with God's love we will get through it just fine. Then Annie goes back home to her dad and brother and new family......me, I am being evicted, been put on mental disability and really cant remember my name half the time. I know that I am ill, and my mom and dad want me to go to Florida so they can help me get better. Lets face it, I cant do it alone anymore.....I am way far too gone. I want to get better for the kids and me so we can be a family again and have all this nasty stuff behind us. Im not sure about me though...I look awful, gained weight (sigh) and have to uproot and really cant take anything with me, my birds, dog, furniture. I hate me today, yesterday and most likely all week.....and I want to be able to love me again, forgive me...... talk to u tomorrow. |
|
| Jan18,2001 I see that Rich brought you up to date, yes he was found not guilty and I see he is so very proud. My daughter is destroyed and I have been in the hospital since Tues night. Im home for now and there will be no more of him on this wedbsite, these journals...it is for God now. There are no lies to Him. I have come to the bottom of the barrel or rock bottom as they say and I have nowhere to go but up. I will be back up, my kids need me and I need me. I will be going to my parents soon and make ammends there, help take care of mom, she broke her hip and she is doing great but I know she is in pain emotionally as well as physically. I miss them and I need them. I will be honest and tell you that I was on a sucide watch at the hospital and I am glad that I was there for the two days, but I know that is so not the answer and I was kinda scared in that place, like I would be there forever..... Im not sure what life is going to take me or give me but I will keep going.....I will talk to u tomorrow. |
|
| Jan19,2001 Alrighty then......Jessica, thanks so much for your wonderful insight on my life and the amusement that you receive from it. I do love to make people laugh ya know. The guestbook sure is a riot from time to time......but its not going stop me. I will keep writing and get back to the top again.Not sure on how but there is a way, I know that. I spoke to housing today and I will be on a waiting list for a couple of months, hopefully that can work out with the landlord. I am going to take this time for me, to get better and once again find a job and be productive. To have the children back with me and be a family. That is all I want. It seems so overwhelming today, and most likely will be for awhile but hey what ever stopped me? Maybe once again we can discuss our never ending diets and how and why we should stick to them.....:-) cause we need too, cause we can, and cause we can make it through any crisis as long as you believe in you...I think that has been the moral of these journals in the first place. |
|
| Jan21,2001 I have talked with Annie and she is doing okay, she is going to go to counseling to help her with her feelings and I am sure that she is going to be fine. To know that the kids are doing good is a big worry off my mind. Their dad is doing a great job as well as his girlfriend and I have to say that people do change sometimes......I am happy to know that the kids are having a relationship with him......they need it now. Im still not well,my anxiety is out of control, Im even kinda scared to leave the house. I never felt like that, a new condition now. I cant do anything, I just stay in bed mostly. What new level of mental sickness is this now????? Tomorrow I go see my therapist and if I can get there maybe I will be able to sort this out. |
|
| Jan23,2001 I was able to get to the dr today and its seems like it will take alot of time to heal, to feel better, work and be productive again.....I see blackness in front of me, perhaps that is the depression or maybe reality........some new news. I am going to stay with my brother FRank In Ohio for awhile, he doesnt want me to be alone, I dont want to either...Hes coming for me Sat, and I will be able to get right to the drs and apply for the new benefits til I am able to work. My soster wants me to come to Ga as well, but now her husband is into tax season. so maybe in the spring.......Like I said, I see black and no future for me, a day to day existance. anyway. thank you so much for my award (((((((((hugs))))))))))))) |
|
 |
| Jan26,2001 In around 7 hrs my brother will be here and I am ready to go to Cleveland........I cant be more scared right now. Im taking just my puter and clothes, everything else is going in storage.......to get dusty til I can stand on my feet again. I tried to stay, but there was just no way. Im so very blessed to have a family like mine that are there for me. I can get to stay with my sister for awhile, go see my parents, get better......my kids are here, and the man that I want to be with for the rest of my life........I love him, what can I say? Its going to be hard being away, but there is phones, ICQ and hopefully some visits. I havent spoken of him much, he lives in this town and I rather not say who he is........just a real person, no airs, no mr knight in shining armor........just my best friend that I feel great being with. Anyway, I know that I need to get better first.....and thats what this road is. I will take you along. Talk to U from Ohio......... |
|
| Jan29,2001 Im here at Franks, and I am doing okay. Both Frank and Terri are wonderful and Im relaxed and going to get better I hope. I dont know how to thank them both for this or my sis who would of done the same.....I love u all so much. I havent heard from the kids yet, we said goodbye when I left, they have all the birds.....and when I get myself straightened out I want them and my children back with me. But for now I must blend here with the natives, get used to the town and try and live again or should I say relive...see ya later |
|
| Jan31,2001 This was not that good of a month we shall say, and I hope that I never get a month like this again. Im still not that sure how I am going to get through everything and learn how to live once again, sometimes I feel dead inside, but I cry still and hurt and that is an emotion. I talked to Lori tonight and it was great to hear from her, nothing from my kids yet......sometimes I think its better, Im sure they are sick of me crying and I rather talk to them when I can get through a phone call from not hurting so damn much. I know they are ok, and its a burden off me to know that. Just sad..I miss Keiths hugs and even Annies arguing. I miss them. |
|
|
|
|