 Time In Ohio, |
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| Feb1,2001 Well the first day of a new month, I need to get looking for a job, a new dr and get on my feet. I still feel sad........and I wonder if that will stop. I do like it here with Terri and Frank, I just feel like Im going to be a burden and I dont want to mooch.......ya know? Anyway, just a quick entry.......I also need very much to concentrate on weight as well......IT NEVER ENDS, even in the worse times of your life its an issue........ |
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| Feb6,2001 I talked with the kids the other day, Annie is starting a new job at Micky Dees and Keith (he was kinda busy with his friends when I talked to him) is just Keith.....I miss them so much, I miss Travis and my home and sometimes my town. Maybe its just so scary for me, not to know what Im going to do, if I can find a job, if I can even make it on my own. Im scared,sad, depressed and even though Im surrounded by family, I feel lonely......I wonder why this all happened, and if I deserve the pain, and it seems like life just keeps repeating itself. I know this is down and I want to start posting happy events and getting better and all that...but its not there yet. Maybe tomorrow. |
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| Feb8,2001 Went to the social services yesterday to see about the medical coverage so I can go to the dr, it was a really crappy experience......the lady was obviously in a bad mood and took it out on me, everything I said or did I was snapped at. I started crying like the fool that I am, and she finally said that she was sorry and started to care about helping. I was a mess afterwards, I cant stop crying. I do not want to do this. I want to get a job, my own place, to get everything in order and everything makes me fall apart........ I am starting to feel all the pain, and I dont want to, but there is noway to stop the floods of emotions......I long to hold my kids and be a mom again, but I know as everyone else Im just not ready to be a mom again, not til Im all put together again.....I just dont where and how to start. Im sure there are certain people that feel great joy over my downfall and I just want to say how special U all are........I will win this, I just need to know how. |
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| Feb19,2001 Okay, its been awhile since I have written and first let me say that Im doing alot better, I feel better and Im ready to find a job. That is when I get back from Georgia, Im going there at the end of next week for two weeks to spend time with my sister and her family. I spent some time in the hospital up here and not that I wanted to, or meant to be there but Im going to just say that it wasnt a great experience........but I got what I needed and I have outside appts now with counslers and a dr.......the kids are doing good with their dad and I miss them. Frank said that he will help me with a resume smd the rest is up to me....I really love being with my family, I just hate being a burden and look forward to when I can take care of myself and my children....... |
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