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June2,2001
Again Im late keeping up with this, I suppose when I am settled there will be more time for this.....work is going ok, the management or better said way too many of them is what is the most stressful, but now that I am on my own in my own little office/cubicle it isnt that bad, I also am on my night shifts and I am taking a bus home, like Terri said once you do it the first time, it is a breeze :-) Though getting in is a pain for the moment, the bus's dont run there at 11:30 and its hard to find a way in, I am going to be getting a ride in with one of the guys there that live in my town but of course he is on vacation, and once again Terri and Frank have been helping me out.....the carless situation which you know I have been through many times is really a pain in the ass. I am just not ready finacially nor secure in my job yet for a car...anyway, I finally spoke to my children and they are supposed to let me know when they can get up here so I can plan for my vacation and it seems like they are too caught up in their social lives for me, it makes me sad, but if this makes any sense it makes me feel better that they are doing fine....Me, I am staying focused on doing well with my job and living on my own, for now it is the important and for once I am proud of myself to stay focused on only that. I just want to keep getting better. So, thats it for now, going to try and enjoy my weekend, get my new bedroom set that Frank got from ebay...talk to you later
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June16,2001
I have been trying real hard here to get everything better, going to the dr, working hard, getting the apt together, and waiting for the time that the kids can come and see me, I have been asking them for weeks to give me a date that I can put in for vacation and never hearing back from them, til tonite where my daughter is crying telling me that I am depressing her, and her father is basically saying what a piece of shit I am because I can not make her sweet sixteen party. My daughter doesnt care that I am planning one for her here with her family, no......that party is the only one that counts...and her father said the kids can come when I send the plane tickets....so there is no driving them halfway or anything like that, he is basically making it impossible for me to see them unless I go there. Am I wrong for not going to the Island for the party? I think it doesnt matter what day it is, we can have her party here. I dont know, I feel like everything I just worked for emotionally went down the drain...I feel like the piece of crap her father is making me out to be, and maybe they are better this way.....and maybe they can forget me somehow cause I am telling you, this hurts. I guess I can face that I lost them, that they will not want to come home to me ever.
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