Sept1,2000
Its hot,sticky and humid today, and I cant wait til it gets cooler......but then we worry about the oil heat and how much that costs. I have to get the kids ready for school, their dad is pissed at me, cause I cant rent or buy a car to pick Keith up.....Last night I got screamed at, called names, cause I am not a good mother or responsible as he his. Hmmm. Keith feels so bad, cause all he hears is his dad talk bad about me, Annie feels the same, and he wont stop.
This to deal with on top of everything else, the kids, Keith's tests coming out ok, my family not speaking to me. Thank god I have Christy.......the only friend that has stood by me every step of the way. I am trying to watch what I eat, I know this is last in the list of importance, but it has been important to me.......and I will lose the extra weight above this maddness.
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Sept5,2000
First day of school.......I got a minute before I got to run them up for all the supplies that they need. My car is just about dead, and soon I probably wont have transporation, been there, done that right.
I need to find a job so Im not homeless either. Im scared, but I figure somehow I can get through this. As long as the kids are ok. Tomorrow Keith goes to the dr, and then I will get the results of his xrays. I get so tired of fighting this all, at my age I should not be going through this all, but then I can only blame myself for the money problems and the car and no job...
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Sept7,2000
I went on a job interview today, got the car going to get there at least. Its at a motorcycle store, doing title searchs and contracts, credit applications, loans..... and I think it will be a great job.....hope I get it. Then I figure out the car situation, one thing at a time. It felt good to get out, possibly get the job and finally doing something except for all the worrying.....It makes me look old,the stress...Im not sleeping, or eating, just can not shut my brain off. Talk to ya all tomorrow, wish me luck.
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Sept10,2000
Havent been on line for awhile now, I been online just not here in my journals. I dont know why.....I have not heard from the motorcycle shop yet, I really hope that I do. Its a good job and we know that I need it. I can think about other things, and feel better about me and the whole situation that I am in. I have lost weight, I see it, feel it in my clothes, and I just cant be excited about it. I am doing it all wrong. Not eating.....one extreme to an other. Its not that I am trying to starve myself, just dont feel hungry, when I do I eat, and get tired of chewing after a few minutes. So if I get a few bites of pasta one night, its alot. I need to take vitamins, I dont want to get sick not when I have a new job possibly or have to look for one.
I am too nervous I guess all the time to eat. Talk to u later
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Sept22,2000
Im back, thank you to those that noticed my absense......what can I write? I'm still jobless, carless, and hopefully not homeless. I went on as many interviews I could, and nothing yet. I stopped at Radio Shack yesterday......I got "I will keep u in mind"who knows, maybe I will get something. I feel not so proud of me, but then again without a job I managed to pay the bills this month and feed the kids. Failure keeps haunting me......but I know in my heart its temporary. I have never been down for too long, and I just got to ride it out.....Im not eating like a horse either, one good thing out of a total mess upped life.......but there another bright spot. My Annie has gotten all 100's on her tests, and they are getting her ready for the sats! Keith is doing very well too........I know we are going to get a good school year. My new friend is a doll and I care for him very much...he has a daughter and she hangs out with my kids, we have sleepovers with the children and its pretty cool......I suppose the best part of the relationship is that there is no pressure......nice and easy, one day at a time.....I feel happy when I am with him. I love his girl,and my kids really dig him.....I dont know if this is the right time for a relationship, but its a good one.......something that I never really had before, what can I say? I really like him :-)
I need a relief out of all of this mess, a smile, love, and most important my kids to be happy......and yes they are, if anyone is thinking Im neglecting them. So thats all the news for now......wish there was better news, I miss writing. Although I will make an effort to post everyday like I have been, see ya all later
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Sept25,2000
Back once more, I know that I said I would be here everyday....anyway, not much today, should be getting a car soon,and so forth a job which we all know that I need so much. I told you that my love birds had two babies, adorable.....anyway Louie (the daddy bird)wont stay in the cage, hes on his usually two-three day binge away from the wife and new babies.....hmmmmmm,See ya tomorrow
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Sept28,2000
Well Louie finally returned home to mom and the babies, with a little help from me, and I applied at Wallymart today for a job......Im real excited about that, but its money and a way out to get back on my feet.My friend has been lending me one of his jeeps, and I apprecaite it so much,,...he is selling me a buick but it needs to be fixed first. I just hope that if I get the job the buick will last for me.
Other then that I feel foggy if that makes any sense.....Annie has been so defiant to me and to elders.....I dont know what to do. More stress on the never ending tirade of burdens. I know in the end this will make me stronger, calmer, less afraid......but damn getting there. See ya tomorrow
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