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Well my childhood was significantly different than all of my friends and acquaintances in a major way; I was not raised Christian. The only time I remember my father mentioning religion was to say that there was no God, and no good religion. I think he said this partially because he had experienced problems with church in the past (he was forced to attend church growing up), and partially because it made my mom angry. From this I surmised that my mom was not an Athiest, but there were not many other clues about her religion. She told me growing up that I needed to find my own truths.
Whenever I asked about a particular religion she would take me to their place of worship and let me talk to their minister (or appropriate religious figure). From this, and from reading religious texts, I learned a couple of things. I didn't believe in the majority of what any one of the religions I visited preached, and the ministers at most of the places I visited did not like my questions. Why a southern baptist preacher would dislike the question "Why don't we worship in nature, which was made by God, rather than in a church, which was made by man?" was beyond me as it seemed a pretty basic question and I was almost certain I couldn't have been the first to ever ask it.
Well for my childhood I was content to be without a deity of any kind. Going to church every week didn't seem to be doing my friends any real good, and I didn't really have anything I desperately needed to pray about. When I was five or six my Mom gave me a set of worry dolls and they heard my prayers just as well as God heard the prayers of my friends, and actually responded better as I would often find them moved from where I had set them the night before.
When I was twelve years old, however, I ran into what at the time seemed a huge dilemna. I had always been girlcrazy (my Mother and the Elementary School Principal sat me down in the first grade and firmly told me I had to stop chasing the girls and kissing them), but now I was beginning to have fantasies about those girls that went a good deal beyond chasing and kissing. My father had given me a fairly good, if a bit clinical, birds and bees speech already but the speech did not cover what I was now dealing with (I'll leave it to you to figure out the details as I now understand that these things are a pretty common occurrence). Since I did not really believe in any of the churches or temples I had visited and did not know who to address a prayer to (as no one seemed to agree on this) I kneeled down beside my bed and said my first prayer thus: "I pray that whichever god is best suited to guide me on a path of good answer my prayer and come to me in this hour of need."
Three days later, Saturday night, I was up visiting with a friend that was spending the night. We were sitting up in on the living room couches talking when my friend slumped over, not only mid-sentence but mid-word, and appeared to be sleeping sitting up with his head down. I called his name a couple of times and was about to get up and go shake him when a figure appeared in the middle of the room. This figure, which was made out of pure white light, looked over at me and said "Hello". The words were spoken in my mind, but they were so loud and clear that I had no doubt as to their source. I asked, "Are you God?" and was given the reply "I am a god". I then asked about my fantasizing and was told that so long as my fantasies did not involve hurting anyone that they were fine. We conversed for a while longer and then he left. The moment he left, my friend suddenly jerked his head up and said, "What? Did I fall asleep?". That was my first encounter with my deity, who I later discovered is called "The Eternal", and one of the very few times I have had physical contact with him. This entire experience did not seem earth shattering, however, but rather quite comforting. I now had a deity who was right for me and would answer at least some of my questions.
The Eternal still talks to me. He sometimes answers my questions, but more often seems to guide me on matters I don't ask about. I will admit, however, that this guidance is not met with the devout obedience which other people give to their gods. We argued for nearly three years about my smoking (I finally did follow his advice and quit). Somehow, however, I don't feel that a deity who wouldn't value my questions and treat my disobedience with some understanding and a lot of persistence would work for me. Thus my prayer truly was answered. Incidentally, The Eternal also recommends that I continue studying various religions and pay homage to a variety of gods and goddesses. It is through this study that I came to study Wicca with Azrael and Treehugger. Their kind friendship and guidance helped me through some very difficult times along my path and thus I was greatly honored when offered a place in their family and in the Sacred Hands Coven.
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